Alexander Formos & Eurydice Eloise Wayles writings and healings
The Shamanic Healing Journey
of Alexander, Emilia, and Eurydice.
Our Declaration of Liberation on the nature of love and sexual healing arts,
written in masculine and feminine voices under the guidance of Sechelt Spirits.
SOUL ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Alexander Formos, Emilia Aurelia May, and Eurydice Eloise Wayles, the authors and main characters of this story, would like to thank the Secret Council of six souls fiercely and unapologetically led by Emilia, who occasionally gathered for sessions between November 2023 and April 2024 to debate this text: Nataly Stevenson, Kendall Nichole Frey, Sophie Chloe Douceur, Bianka Beatrice Carr, Alice Milana Verentti, and Veronica Formos.
The unique magical light of each soul and our complex conversations on the nature of sexual healing arts and shamanism greatly improved this work, so we are grateful for their assistance and for Nature, who guided all of us to meet at the right time so we could create this work together.
Alexander also wishes to express his gratitude to every Vancouver sex worker he was guided to meet on his shamanic path. This work would never have been completed without the nourishing and inspirational energies of each woman and the assistance of their souls in the spiritual research that went into this text.
Lastly, the authors would like to thank the magical songs of Lana Del Rey (carefully selected by Emilia to support the topic of each chapter), as they became an inspiring soundtrack for our dances between writing sessions and meetings.
LAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This work has been created on magical lands governed, empowered, and protected by the Spirits of Sechelt (Shíshálh) Lands and Waters and Burrard Inlet. Our guardian Spirits energetically enriched and supported this testament, encouraging us to embrace the unique mission they bestowed upon the three of us: to present the truthful story of our shamanic awakening and how we assumed our shared destiny of wounded healers. We are honored and grateful that Spirits have granted us the privilege to live, love, play, and work in their domain.
Part I: The Making of a Shaman
by Alexander Formos
An artistic testament on the nature of my clairvoyant perceptions of life,
my curious relationships with the souls of sex workers, my spiritual views on sexual healing arts,
and a confession of feelings for my three soulmates from past lives,
who empowered me to embrace this stupid crusade to prove the truth of love.
November 14, 2023 - April 28, 2024
Vancouver + Lake Cowichan, British Columbia
CHAPTER I
The spiritual calling (or say yes to heaven).
The real natural magic and immense divine love stormed into my life, transforming every aspect of my existence as I signed a four-year spiritual contract with Sechelt Spirits to write two novels and learn shamanism in the process. My shamanic journey began in August 2020 when my guardian angel, Daniel, arrived in my space and commanded me to visit an escort. Yes, that’s right, an angel asked me to see a sex worker. I know! I never thought that was anything close to what an angel may ever ask me to do. I was spiritually guided many times in my life, but this message was different. It felt loud, urgent, and unexpected... but it was also… so inconsistent with the beliefs I held around sexuality at the time, or with my spiritual convictions, for that matter.
Even though I battled this weird and questionable guidance for the next three months, after a series of tests within my system and debates with trusted souls, I found it to be true guidance that I could safely follow. That ill-fated meeting with my first escort commenced my shamanic education of sacred initiations and masculine rites of passage. An unexpected spiritual calling completely changed my life, as I was destined to expand my innate clairvoyant talents and assume my soul's highest purpose through unconditional love.
I embarked on the sacred adventure of a mystical initiate to become a wounded energy healer. Only Vancouver prostitutes could show me my righteous path as they held the keys to the doors of my esoteric initiations. It may sound odd for the backward Western civilization, with its twisted and limited understanding of human sexuality beyond physical pleasures, but if you study the deep esoteric wisdom of any ancient culture that was far more spiritually advanced than any modern Western society, many initiates assumed their highest talents and spiritual powers through sacred temple work guided by sexual priestesses or sex workers of some kind.
Without my initial awareness, divine forces crafted a program for my shamanic education through natural sex magic in the traditions of ancient civilizations. This is the story of how I embraced the calling to become a shaman and a writer, learned to heal souls, understood the essence of love, and aspired to restore the ancient Egyptian temple arts of sexual alchemy and death journeys.
I invite you to read my story with an open mind and open heart. Many things described in this text may be hard to believe, yet this is what I lived through. To be completely honest, I wouldn’t believed in most of it myself just a few years ago. I was skeptical about many things on my path, yet time and time again, my skepticism was crushed by the actual facts about the nature of our world. After a certain point, the weirdest and most bizarre manifestations of life that unraveled before me didn’t surprise me anymore. I realized that most of us are not really aware of everything that’s actually possible in this physical realm and what kind of complicated stories the souls arrived to experience on Earth.
As my story only began to unravel, my wife, Veronica, and I constantly questioned whether I was experiencing a true shamanic awakening or simply going insane. Our conversations about my mental state ranged from ridiculing and sarcastic jokes to quite sobering and eerie fights. I often felt misunderstood, as it was challenging to convey what I was going through. Mary Magdalene manifested with her goddess presence, and I accepted her offer to be my spiritual teacher and companion on this journey. I was also channeling spiritual beings and ascended masters from this planet and outside of it, and Veronica wanted to make sure they came with the right intentions.
While I was learning how to discern my guidance and structure my knowledge so I could explain my experience to others, Veronica searched for similar stories of spiritual awakening. Together, we tried to puzzle through our new reality. Soon, she also realized that she was developing her own shamanic powers, so we became the best teachers to one another.
Even though we had already separated by January 2021, after living together in a co-creative and empowering union for eleven years, Veronica continued to support me during my education as my closest friend and ally. We were soulmates of eight lives, and like in the past, we were trapped in our story by divine design. Sechelt Spirits called upon us to follow the highest paths of our souls by studying shamanism, past lives, the essence of death, the laws of Nature, the US Declaration of Independence, the spiritual design behind sex work, and the highest aspirations of sexual healing arts.
In my story, I share how I perceive this life through clairvoyance, intuition, and spiritual awareness. I know this is how I perceive this world because that’s how I perceived it in all twelve of my past lives on Earth. My soul is destined to become an ascended spiritual guide of death one day so he can teach other souls how to navigate through this transformation. With each life, he grows into his highest spiritual powers. This journey on Earth is one continuous adventure of self-mastery for him. In every one of his incarnations, he embodied the same spiritual talents, which evolved over centuries of unique shamanic callings and adventures.
All of my past selves could communicate with the souls of living and dead, but they often struggled to own this talent and tried to suppress their truth. When the souls of strangers appeared in their dreams and interacted with them in awakened life, they questioned their reality and sanity exactly like I did. They often silenced themselves, desiring to feel accepted, to be like everyone else, or fearing persecution for their spiritual talents. But when they compromised the truth of their hearts, they created emotional traumas for my soul.
When I realized that my soul was still carrying their anxieties, I decided it was my duty to talk openly about my spiritual perceptions. I believe it's my obligation to speak our shared truth because they never could. I’m not interested in convincing anybody of our truth, nor do I wish to impose my perceptions on anyone. I only dream that we can live in a world where we don’t need to lie about our spiritual beliefs and personal experiences of our perceived reality. The truth lies in the eyes of the beholder, and it doesn't exist without an observer. Nothing actually exists on this plane without someone's awareness of its existence. And each of us experiences reality differently because that’s how life desires to manifest through us. We are all born equal, but not the same, as that would defeat the entire purpose of physical life on Earth.
With the help of shamanic trance states and sacred ceremonies, I spent years searching for the Spirits that invited me to move to Vancouver in the first place. Only when I was guided to encounter an unexpected unconditional love for the spiritual daughter of these lands could I finally find my guardian Spirits with the help of her soul. And that’s how Sechelt Spirits offered to enter into a spiritual agreement with them.
Under our shamanic contract, Sechelt Spirits and I assumed certain obligations to each other. I agreed to stay in British Columbia until the summer of 2025 and embrace the spiritual guidance of the lands and heavens. I agreed to openly invite spiritual deities and souls of living and dead into my space to master my destined craft. I also agreed to perform any shamanic ceremonies to heal the wounds of these lands that Spirits would request of me, like releasing the trapped souls who were unjustly murdered here.
I was destined to learn shamanism through direct experience of practicing this magic. In exchange, Sechelt Spirits agreed to help me stay on their governed lands of Metro Vancouver and assisted with residency papers. They guided me to meet noble spiritual teachers, helped with the publishing of my novel, and empowered me during shamanic ceremonies that advanced my education.
I was required to stay on these lands with a mission to train, heal, and spiritually protect six souls from my soul family who lived in British Columbia. I also promised to record my shamanic experiences in English and present my stories to the public. Spirits asked me to prove the truth of my love through writing. They told me that the words of the English language would be my ammunition in the fight for my truth.
When I agreed to follow this path, I had to abandon other creative endeavors, but once I began writing, I saw much healing this craft brought into my life. English poetry literally saved my life on many desperate nights. I quickly realized that my words of truth and my poetry could actually kill demonic entities and dispel the dark energies of Vancouver, which was drowning in sin and pure malevolence (the fact that greatly troubled the Sechelt Spirits).
My contract bonded me to write two fairy tales based on my past lives and the healing journeys I shared with three women I met in Vancouver. The first novel, “Eurydice in Love,” presents the fictionalized account of my life in British Columbia until the summer of 2023, including the full story of how I was spiritually guided to meet my first escort, whose soul led me to establish contact with Sechelt Spirits and embrace the calling to heal our shared wounds of immense grief from past lives. The novel also describes the entire negotiation process with the Mother Spirit of Sechelt and every contract commitment we made. This testament continues my contractual obligation to tell a truthful story of my spiritual awakening.
During my education, I was spiritually guided to meet three sex workers who turned out to be my soulmates from past lives. The true definition of soulmates describes a group of souls who arrive on Earth to complete the shared work and spiritual missions bestowed upon them by Nature. Souls commit to such journeys in between lives before being born. Each soul chooses soulmates or soul friends they want to see again in the next life and plans their journey on Earth accordingly to receive the best lessons they can get from each other. Each soul can experience the highest advancement and growth only through relationships with their soulmates, as that’s how life is designed on Earth.
One can always recognize their soulmate - they are people in our lives who bring us the most joy and equally the most suffering. Our soulmates always hurt us the most out of all people because they know us better than we do. They always intuitively know what we need to receive from them. They teach us the most important lessons through pain, as they are designed to be our ultimate teachers.
Through the pains of tormenting emotions of love, grief, and heartbreak that are always heightened between soulmates, the souls grow into their highest power and purpose. Being someone’s soulmate doesn’t imply romantic entanglement in every life, but soulmates always share at least one life as lovers or committed life partners. Soulmates can arrive to explore relationships as relatives, friends, or colleagues, but they always enjoy spending time in each other’s presence and co-creating through empowering unions.
On my journey, I fell in love and got my heart broken three times in three years. I had karmic entanglements with two women, and we met in this life to resolve our troubling dynamics from the past that kept repeating life after life, bringing us immense pain and suffering. But the third woman turned out to be a woman from my dreams and the love of my life (exactly like she was in our first life together), so my heart commanded me to pursue a marriage with her.
But since each woman ran away from her feelings, I would share a story of how I lived in romantic relationships with their souls. That’s how angels designed our relationships, as we requested to heal each other from traumas of tragic deaths and incomplete love affairs from our past lives. That’s how I found myself in a new and unexpected reality. I was blessed with a chance to embody the purest love available to a man and experience true platonic love without physical needs and wants. I was blessed to explore the unconditional love for the essence of a woman without her physical presence or sensual touch. I was destined to understand the highest essence of this unique feeling and prove that pure love actually belongs to souls, while humans only choose whether they wish to embrace this feeling or reject it (based on a natural law of free will).
The souls of three women arrived in my space, full of love and devotion to my soul, as we recognized each other from past lives. They summoned me to help them on their spiritual paths and requested that I meet their bodies in person. I went to see three sex workers because that’s what their souls asked me to do. Through our unusual and troubling connections, I allowed three women to shatter my existence into pieces, and they forced me to reinvent my life in magical ways. I asked each woman to slay my masculine ego, as that was the only way to embody my soul’s true essence and purpose.
Three unique female souls demanded complete surrender to my shamanic truth while supervising my masculine rebirth. They embraced their divine feminine purpose of molding me into a man of my highest convictions and pleaded with me to become their spiritual teacher. The four of us chose to meet in this life to embrace the calling of restoring the sacred shamanic practice of death journeys and the temple arts of sexual alchemy from ancient Egypt. Each of us had our unique talents, so we could only reinvent these practices by joining our passionate efforts. Our paths aligned for special, divine missions that we chose together before coming into this life, and our souls proudly embraced this unusual adventure full of magic and love.
CHAPTER II
The shame of ignorance (or how to disappear).
Being consciously aware of the complexities of my reality, the dilemmas of consent, discretion, boundaries, and free will, as well as energies of stigma, shame, and guilt that inevitably cloud any honest conversations about sex work, enveloped my space for three years. I followed my heart, faith, convictions, and wisdom of these lands on my path. I made every choice guided by the force of unconditional love. However, I knew it would be challenging to prove the honesty of my feelings and the nobility of my actions in a culture where people don’t treasure or even understand the essence of unconditional love.
I was ready to do anything for love, but people around me were motivated by gaining power, status, sex, and money in their everyday decisions, so naturally, they assumed that I must have the same motives behind my actions. Materialism, possessiveness, domination, comfort, and convenience drove most of their desires and decisions, including in romantic partnerships. Affectionate words and visible expressions of love were often treated like commodities and used for personal advantage or manipulation to gain something from another.
I lived in a society where people convinced themselves they could choose whom to love, rendering another unique soul to a set of superficial external features and social hierarchies. Most people didn’t even understand the difference between sexual attraction to a body and pure love for the soul. People knew how to perform being in love so they could secure sex or claim to be successful just because they were supposedly in love. People pretended to play in love, but not many could embody its fullness and complexity while never actually allowing themselves to experience this feeling. True love means embracing the soul of another and accepting them for who they are, not who a partner wants them to be. Real love means surrendering your essence and sacrificing personal needs to serve the sacred union, but people were too selfish to embrace such truth of life.
Love allows us to see the highest essence of another, so it was too scary for people in this society to be so vulnerable, as they mostly lived in pretentiousness and lies. And any person simply can’t embody pure love if they don’t love everything that they are. Love for oneself always comes before one can experience true love for another. But when people have to hide their essence and reject parts of themselves that are not approved by their society, they surely can’t understand the essence of unconditional love.
I also discovered that this society had a peculiarly twisted ban on wholeheartedly loving a whore. It was much harder to prove the genuineness of my feelings because of the perceptions of others. People didn’t care how I felt or what I thought. They looked at me with pity, as if I was damaged when I mentioned my love to a prostitute. I wasn’t even allowed to love a whore with the universal love of a healer, not to mention romantic love or, dare I say, aspiring to marry her. The mist of shame and stigma followed me around, no matter how much I tried to escape it. I was walking through a minefield of ignorance and struggled to comprehend why I was not allowed to love a woman for the essence of her soul.
But I didn’t care what people thought, as I always revered the truth of Mother Nature more than the perceptions of this society. I knew that Nature loved whores in a very special way, as she designed them as extraordinary women with supernatural talents who are destined to honorably serve her through unique missions. When sex work is performed with nobility and dignity, it’s one of the most important professions in the world, as it can heal both body and soul.
It's hard to convince me of the opposite because I was a whore in two past lives, and those were the most empowering lives of my soul’s entire existence on this planet. If I were granted a chance to re-live only one of my past lives again, I would choose either one of those without even thinking. I grasped the highest meaning of life and love, and I experienced the totality of life breathing through my entire essence only when my soul lived in the body of a whore.
In one of them, my soul lived in ancient Egypt as a sexual priestess, Cassandra, during the most advanced period of that unique civilization. In those times, sexual healing artists were considered nobility and had their own magical temples to perform this sacred work. Whores were reverenced and admired for their unique talents because people still believed in the divine order of Nature and honored life in all of its manifestations. Sexuality and spirituality existed in the balanced union to assist people in reaching divine planes of consciousness and elevate them on their paths toward their highest purpose.
In the temples of sexual healing arts, sexual priestesses initiated men into their king's energy and transmuted negative vibrations through the magical void of their supernatural wombs. They alchemized the harshest pains, released stress, resolved emotional distress, and absolved masculine darkness to protect the world from destruction. They healed wounds of past lives and charged the energy bodies of their clients through sex magic. They revived marriages, empowered merchants, advised politicians, uplifted traumatized soldiers and inspired artists and engineers with incredible creations. They illuminated the world with magic, beauty, and joy. I simply knew that in all of human history, whores enriched the world with their sacred wombs and radiating hearts, so the spiritual ignorance and religious prejudice of Canadian society meant nothing to me.
The way society perceives sex work shows its level of spiritual awareness about the nature of life. One can understand everything about the maturity of a nation by learning the opinions on sex work and general perceptions of sexuality, as well as by studying the personal stories of sex workers. Sexual energies are the most powerful energies available to humans, and they can either enrich or destroy us. In any genuinely advanced culture, sexual healing arts are always at the forefront of society and are always accessible to everyone for healing, spiritual awakening, and personal empowerment.
There’s no shame or judgment because there’s no ignorance. There’s a universal understanding that suppressed sexuality would inevitably turn into a destructive force and create unnecessary damage to individuals and society. It was also self-evident that the highest advancement in knowledge, science, business, creativity, and spirituality can only be achieved through the magic of sexual alchemy, where two opposite polarities join in sexual exchanges, allowing them to reach divinity and co-create something bigger than themselves.
Throughout human history, tyrannical societies and oppressive ideologies shamed sex and, especially, female sexual pleasures, as that was the easiest way to enslave people. But men and women don’t need self-appointed, fanatical, and dogmatic intermediaries to connect them with the divinity when they have sex magic. People can access the God-Goddess energies and reach the highest planes of consciousness through explorations of female pleasures because Nature designed women to be actual, legitimate pastors for divinity.
Orgasmic collisions empowered by love liberate humans and charge their auras so that fear and anxiety can never penetrate them. Sexual healing helps them to shine with their highest truth, embrace their essence, live in their power, and act from the heart. It’s impossible to control someone’s sense of sovereignty and inner feeling of freedom when their auras are spiritually enriched and energetically protected through sexual alchemy and healthy, empowered explorations of natural sexual desires.
The three soulmates that I met on my journey followed the destined calling of their souls, and they were fulfilling one of their highest purposes in life by practicing the craft of sex work. It was not their frivolous choice nor survival entrapment but the unique fate of a female sexual artist born with a supernatural womb and heart. They knew who they were in their hearts, as their souls intentionally chose to live in bodies of whores before coming into this life. They were required to live such destiny as part of their evolutionary journey so they could assume their highest talents in the process, complete their destined spiritual missions, and be initiated into the fullness of their essence through their work.
Experiencing at least one life as a sex worker is an obligation on the path of any soul that embodies the archetypical light of any divine Goddess that governs the expressions of human sexuality, love, and death, like Isis, Mary Magdalene, Sophia, Nephtys, Hathor, etc. or Goddesses of the similar light from other cultures and lineages.
Two of my soulmates had souls of Magdalene’s light, and one carried the light of Isis. So, all three women were walking the spiritual paths of the highest possible empowerment for their souls. They were destined to explore unique nuances of feminine experience through their craft, heal the burdens of their society, and help stranded souls embrace their essence. But people refused to honor the truth of their hearts with due reverence and shamed their unique healing talents while at the same time envying their sexual freedom. As a result, these abuses of their society forced three women to question their essences and eventually lose connection with their souls.
When people are constantly judged and criticized for being who Nature designed them to be upon birth, the struggles of the body create scars for the soul. Society demands conformity to superficial moral rules, acceptable opinions, tolerated behavior, and approved relationship customs. But each soul carries a distinctive archetypical light with a unique purpose. Each soul is created with special talents, and sharing their spiritual gifts with others is one of the main purposes of experiencing existence in a human body.
A soul is supposed to guide their vessel to achieve the highest glory by unapologetically embodying their truth. The morality and truth of one soul’s lineage may be opposite to the divine purpose of another. But when a body is constantly punished for a soul’s choices with the norms of the outside morality, souls can't fulfill their destined missions, grow in talents, embrace relationships with their soulmates, or resolve karmic obligations. External judgments contradict the truth of the heart and force people to hide their innate nature and design. That’s how a disassociation with a soul begins.
A soul starts to feel they are doing something wrong when their body experiences too much pain from following the chosen, highest path. A soul would still attempt to pursue their missions, but if they continuously encounter pains, they will avoid pursuing their path and start blaming themselves for supposedly wrong decisions they’ve made before coming into this life. Then they would stop communicating with the body as previous guidance has brought suffering, fall asleep, and eventually end in the limbo of the Underworld, requesting death as salvation. A soul initiates the process of death with hopes of avoiding judgment and oppression in the next life. There’s no point in continuing life when a soul can’t reach their destined purpose because of society’s demands and limitations.
One of the central masteries of the human experience is finding a balanced existence between a soul and a body or between heart and mind. To live our best lives, we require an equal appreciation of the body's desires and the soul's aspirations. To simplify, people lose their souls when they make every decision with their minds and reject honoring the truth of their hearts.
We all know when their close ones are not living by their hearts. True friends, relatives, or lovers are responsible for bringing that perception to the attention of their beloved so they can return to their most empowering path. Our closest people know us, and they can always see when we lie to ourselves. But when they become the primary attackers of the honest desires of our hearts, we can lose our souls much faster because we highly value the opinions of people in our lives. And we also have to acknowledge that most soul disassociations begin from verbal, emotional, or physical abuse during childhood if parents perceive their children as their property.
We may think that expressing love for our relatives means listening to them more than to our own hearts. We desire to be accepted and supported by them, so we pretend we don’t know what our soul wants because we wish to belong. We even quash the honest desires of our hearts before they emerge because we immediately know which ones our closest people would not accept. But if we always stand firm in our truth, even through judgments, those who truly love us will always accept us for who we are.
Beyond the soul’s destined obligation to experience a life of a whore, it’s also important to understand that each body is born on a spectrum of sexuality, with drastically different sexual needs, intentionally designed in such a way by Nature to fulfill special purposes. As most people tend to embody sexual energies in the middle of the spectrum and closer to the asexual polarity, it’s challenging for them to understand the motivations of highly sexual people, so they tend to perceive natural sexual expressions as promiscuity, lust, or a lack of inner discipline and morals.
Only judging a highly sexual person for having multiple lovers is like judging an asexual person for not desiring sex at all. It’s completely impossible to explain the needs of one body when another person lives in vastly different sensibility and sensitivity because of the soul’s highest choices. People are born different because we all have our roles to play in this magical theatre of life, and like everyone else, both asexual and highly sexual people have a higher purpose in life behind their seemingly unordinary and complex nature.
Many shamans, energy healers, spiritual instructors, massage therapists, and other similar professionals are gifted with highly sexual energies to channel the required healing for their clients. They do not have sex with clients, but they do sex work on soul and energy body levels. My personal healing practices, like the art of dreaming, energy body healing, or death journeys, also require having a body with highly sexual energies.
So, for me, it’s pretty amusing to observe how Christians comically fight for pretentious norms and morals to suppress natural human sexuality when the art of resurrection, the main talent of their supposedly worshipped deity, is only accessible with the help of sex magic. If Yeshua hadn’t been a highly sexual person and hadn’t charged his energy body through lovemaking rituals with his beloved wife, Mary Magdalen, he wouldn’t have been able to heal people, perform shamanic miracles, and return safely from death.
Any oppressive society wins when they push sex workers into hiding, but a whore knows in her heart that she was born as a whore, and there are no other arguments to be made. Most medical doctors, priests, teachers, lawyers, accountants, politicians, and journalists have less integrity than most whores that I know. People in those professions are real prostitutes because they will sell their truth, convictions, love, and even their souls to the highest bidder without even thinking. So why do we still listen to their pretentious morality and, more importantly, respect and value them more than sex workers?
For me, this fight would not end with decriminalization or more acceptance of this craft. Nature designed sex workers as nobility and given more unique talents at birth than other women because they have higher obligations to Nature and humanity. So, I hope to see a day when sex workers will re-claim the superior rights and status Nature granted them. And I hope to see the restoration of temples of sexual healing arts, where people can explore the middle path for sex. Both sexual indulgence and abstinence are manifestations of suppressed sexuality and imposed shame of human nature. Neither path brings empowerment to a human being. But we finally have a chance to remove those shackles of the destructive perceptions and norms of sexuality created by the militant doctrines.
The tyrannical and godless ideology of Christianity has fought against the essence of human nature and brought immense suffering to people for centuries, creating wars and killing people for their natural design. But most importantly, it always tried to erase the role of women from history and suppress the truth about their divine essence. Every one of Yeshua’s male disciples betrayed him when he confronted the oppressive nature of the religious tyrants who led people away from God, and society came to kill him for that. Only a woman didn’t leave him alone in this noble fight. Mary was right beside Yeshua until the end, guided him through death, and greeted him upon his return with her embrace. Only her tears, full of genuine love for his soul, could bring him back from death. Their love story tells us everything about the highest role and essence of a woman, so of course, the Christian Church had to erase Mary from their doctrine to suppress any dissent against their oppression and justify the violence against women through millennia.
Christian fanatics knew that the love of a woman could endure anything. So, to stop people from following Yeshua’s example of defiance against religious demagogues and Pharisees that led people away from their souls, they had to remove the story of unconditional love from their texts. They had to suppress Mary’s sexual desires and passionate love because they made Yeshua invincible. Her sexual pleasures empowered Yeshua’s fight against the tyranny of the false preachers and the sins of the corrupt society. She loved him like no one ever loved a man before, and it didn’t matter what may have happened to either of them. They knew their intolerant society would eventually persecute or kill them for their healing talents, so they surrendered to service Nature, savored every moment of their love, and enjoyed their passionate lovemaking to the fullest.
Christian Church played its role in accordance with energies that governed our physical plane. It was a natural state of our world because it had to be that way. Only now we are entering a new era, and the spiritual knowledge of the past that always empowered women and the noble pursuits of sexual healing arts are finally being restored. The energies of our planet are changing to create a more balanced world where two polarities honor each other with equal reverence. Now, we are on a mission to bury destructive religions and ideologies of the past so we can return spirituality, divinity, and magic into our lives and our bedrooms.
My passionate aspiration to revive the natural magic available to humans and restore due reverence for the service of sex workers is empowered by the return of the divine feminine energies of Christ’s consciousness on Earth. We are living in times, where the female image of divinity finally claims its righteous place in our world. Only women can bring the light of these divine energies back to this plane by unapologetically embodying their innate female talents and trusting Nature on their feminine journeys. Society shines and flourishes when women have space to follow the path of their hearts, fulfill their karmic obligations, and embrace their divine roles outlined by the laws of Nature.
I believe that the highest role of men in our present times is to humbly and devotionally serve our women in this unique mission in any way we can. I feel that this is the most important work men can do right now. It’s not only our masculine obligation to all the women who were prosecuted, tortured, or murdered by religious lunatics throughout human history (and continue to suffer to this day) but also a divine aspiration that can empower the flourishing of our divine masculine essence and help us to become the best versions of ourselves. Through this service, we are following a vision of a better future where both polarities accept each other’s innate truth, equally honor their different magical powers, and acknowledge that a more harmonious world can only be co-created together through the alchemy of divine polarities, as they merge to execute the natural law of gender.
CHAPTER III
Forbidden love (or love song).
When I received the spiritual guidance to tell my story exactly how it happened, I tried to avoid this assignment as much as possible. I genuinely didn’t want to share how I discovered magical inspiration through divine love, as I wasn’t comfortable talking openly about my fucked up love stories with three Vancouver sex workers. Each woman decided to end our communication without respectful resolutions, and each caused me deep emotional wounds. As I don’t have any pathways to make them aware of my writings, I questioned why Spirits wanted to make this story public.
My text is inspired by the ancestral art of reconciliation, where the peaceful presentation of grievances and engagement in open dialogue may resolve the wounds between the parties without punishing or blaming either side. Through this process, natural healing occurs, and everyone grows through shared experience. Such engagement removes the emotional wounds of the past and releases spiritual cords of negative vibrations, allowing us to move into a more balanced space. Of course, my truth is only half-truth, and their truth is only half-truth, but at least through my honest words, I can explain my perspective and present the reasons behind my actions.
There are not many pathways for a client like me to heal after a hurtful experience with a sex worker (and especially after three in a row), as you naturally distance yourself from people even more, don’t have the means for extensive healing, and face judgment for seeing a sex worker in the first place. I healed my wounds through conventional and regression therapy as well as with the help of different shamanic practices like recapitulation, but I realized that I wouldn’t be able to complete my healing if I didn’t present my truth in writing, exactly like Spirits asked me to do.
My professional integrity as a soul healer required me to record this story because I couldn’t share with three women the truth about the healing journeys I’ve experienced with their souls after they asked me not to contact them again. And as it turned out that writing about this spiritual journey is the highest path of my heart and soul, I have to consider my truth and my spiritual obligations first. Since I always honored their decision to dismiss my truth, I hope they will equally honor my decision to publically speak about my unconditional love for them.
I believe that the truth of love demands sharing the words of love. I have memories from past lives where the actual tragedies happened because lovers hesitated to share their feelings. I knew that proclaiming the words of love could actually save someone’s life. So, I decided that in this life, I will express my words of love when I have a chance, as I might not have another one.
When genuine romantic love captured my heart, I instantly recognized that familiar feeling. The love of my soul for their souls was also so familiar that I never doubted what I felt. Exploring the memories of our romances in past lives empowered me to embody my sincere feelings. But I was told my love was forbidden, unacceptable, and impossible. I was shamed and hated for my love. Apparently, there were right and wrong kinds of love. My soulmates did not believe my love was genuine, as they tried to hide the truth of their hearts and couldn’t already hear their souls.
I think they were also confused by unexpected emotions from meeting a soul from your soul family. Life feels different around our soulmates. You shared history together and are now meeting to write the next chapter. It feels like you have always known this person, and your conversations are filled with unique depth as if you continue your connection from where you left off the last time you saw each other in a past life. Of course, such unusual sensations may feel too overwhelming. Even though I knew they were my soulmates, when I met each woman, I also questioned why I was experiencing such intense emotions when I was next to them.
I’ve experienced the highest love of the purest divine nature. The unique unconditional love from the skies descended into my heart and blessed me with new spiritual talents and transformational energies. But when three women questioned my love, my entire essence, guided by my passionate heart, demanded that I embrace a crusade to prove the honesty of such beautiful feelings. I had to discover why I came all the way from Saint-Petersburg, Russia, just to meet them and why I experienced such unique emotions in their presence.
My heart burst with three unique love frequencies for three magical women, so I decided that I could prove my love by capturing all tormenting sensations, inspiring thoughts, and complex emotions each love created in me. I thought that if I had managed to write and publish a novel about my love for a woman, she wouldn’t be able to claim that my feelings were not genuine. At the same time, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to prove the honesty of my love if I didn’t share a detailed, truthful account of my experiences over the last three years.
I was required to write this text as my contract obligation, but I was still glad that the souls of three women had provided their consent to create this work together. Three souls asked me to write about our romantic entanglements, and each verified and edited the parts about them. The free will of a soul supersedes the free will of a person, so if their souls decide to create this text together with me and encourage me to surrender my fears of any possible consequences, they believe this is the highest path of growth for them as it is for me.
Souls usually pay for my healing with their knowledge, insights, experiences, and supportive energies or by sharing the stories of their lives and deaths. After I healed my soulmates from traumas of their tragic deaths in past lives, they asked me to write books about our adventures as a way to pay me for the shamanic services. They claimed that if they would help me to write fairy tales about our healing journeys, then one day, I would be financially compensated for my spiritual work. Through my healing service, I helped three women to advance in their craft, and they, in turn, helped me to advance in mine.
I would like to tell this story from the beginning, but I wish to share the truth about my spiritual reality and my reservations, as I believe they also attest to the honesty of my feelings. For the longest time, I felt strangely weird and perplexed about the entire concept of being spiritually guided to meet a sex worker. I didn’t know what to expect from an interaction initiated this way, as I was still a shamanic apprentice, only learning the craft of healing souls. I was still in the process of understanding and mastering my essence.
The struggles, pains, and challenges I’ve experienced with my three soulmates helped me to understand my spiritual talents. Three souls became my highest teachers, and I would never have mastered my craft without them. I still occasionally struggle to figure out my most empowering ethics, but at the same time, I’m just trying to understand who I am, and suppressing my truth would only make things worse for all involved.
Building confidence in my work took a lot of practice and many nerve-wracking days of self-doubt. I feel more peace in my process today, and I’m not afraid to invite souls into my space anymore, but sometimes, I still feel at odds when I receive a calling to find a sex worker in the awakened life at the request of her soul. I learned this was one of my natural shamanic gifts. When I receive such a calling, it usually means that I can help this woman in some way but also have an important lesson to learn from her as I battle my fears through the challenging and intimidating adventure of meeting a new companion and finding a way to tell her that her soul invited me for a session.
Today, my work with any soul unfolds in the following way. The soul establishes initial contact with me with the help of the Spirits of the lands or through another soul I already know. After I provide my consent to allow them in my space, we connect on a deeper level through the art of dreaming, where we can easily interact on a spiritual level, both through the exchange of energies and actual conversation. Then, we bridge that communication into the awakened life.
After the soul shares their preferred name and manifests in the image of their most empowering life, we begin our journey by building trust between us. We discuss why they seek my assistance and what kind of healing they wish to receive from me, as all souls have different challenges. Before accepting the soul for healing, I ensure they commit to the integration process and agree to honor the balanced exchange of energies. If I spent more time than expected, they sought ways to compensate for my energy with nourishment, knowledge, or assistance. Every practice or ceremony they need requires energy from me, so I plan how to spend my time in the most efficient way so I can avoid unnecessary actions.
Most souls receive enough guidance on a spiritual level without interactions in physical reality, but some souls explicitly express a desire to meet in person. This usually means that a soul believes we can learn from each other through our interactions. When any soul requests such meetings, they always act in the best interest of the body (as I would always tell a woman exactly what she needs to hear at this period in her life), but I also explore how I can personally grow through this connection. It’s always about equally giving and receiving for me in every interaction or connection.
When I’m working with the soul of a sex worker, and I agree to meet them in real life, the soul helps me find this woman online or through the art of dreaming if she works in a brothel or massage parlor (obviously, I have to recognize the eyes of a soul if I’m offered to choose a woman). When a soul invites me into a strip club, I’m also engaging in this unusual game, where I need to recognize a soul that summoned me among dancers who perform that evening.
I try to gather any relative information on the spiritual level before the meeting, including anything about their past lives and deaths. I assess what type of divine light, archetypical energies, and purpose they carry in their essence. Sharing such knowledge with a soul helps them to reach personal empowerment and fully embody their highest truth. These insights also allow me to sense the essence of a woman before meeting her in person. I accept any advice from a soul on how they wish to structure our meetings and how many social or intimate sessions they believe we should have for both parties' highest healing or growth.
I never visited a sex worker without meeting their soul first. Since I can see the eyes of a woman through her soul before seeing them in person, I arrive in a session already in love with a woman. I know that it’s different for some people, but for me, sex without love doesn’t really work (and casual sex can be really destructive both for our aura and psyche), so it’s important for me to meet the soul first. This process also ensures that I follow the design of Nature for any relationship between a man and a woman. I don’t choose a woman for superficial reasons but allow her soul to initiate contact. The soul intuitively knows if her body needs to meet me, and in my personal experience, following the intuition of a female soul has always brought the most enriching experiences into my life, even when my interactions with a woman were painful or confusing.
I had to walk my shamanic path alone, but I was grateful that Veronica was always there for me when I needed a friend. Her shamanic knowledge and spiritual perspectives helped me on many confusing days. She assisted me in discerning my spiritual channelings and participated in the healing ceremonies I had to perform for Spirits. The highest truth of an honest medicine, man or woman, is simple, and we both honor it with Veronica. A noble shaman always acts from a heart full of love and with the intention of bringing the highest and best outcome for everyone involved. When Veronica and I received our spiritual shamanic talents from the Spirits of British Columbia, we vowed that we would never use our powers to hurt others and always consult with the Spirits when in doubt.
I find it inspiriting that an authentic shaman and an authentic whore share the same highest integrity. Both do not serve clients or themselves but serve Nature. They allow Nature to provide service to others through their bodies as they are equally created to be channels of universal, healing love. When they embody this truth and honor this service, they express gratitude to Nature for creating them with unique talents and special privileges, so Nature, in return, will shield them from danger, guide them on the highest path, and provide for their needs.
When I was told to meet my first escort, I really tried to ignore this guidance because I still hoped that my marriage with Veronica would survive her love affair with her other soulmate, Brian (the name altered). They shared karmic relationships with trauma bonds created in past lives, and it was clear from the beginning that there were spiritual reasons why all of us met (I introduced them and insisted that she meet him). I also had karmic obligations to Brian’s soul from the life where I was his mother, Veronica was my husband, and he was our daughter. Because of that spiritual debt, Brian’s soul was one of the six souls Sechelt Spirits included in the contract and assigned me to train and heal. I was also obliged to tell the story of his soul in my first novel.
Of course, in the beginning, we didn’t know anything about it, so it was quite confusing to understand how to navigate our relationship when Veronica had just met Brian. Even though she recognized his soul from past lives, Veronica was still torn apart by her emotions, and we both fought for our marriage for almost a year, believing this affair was only a temporary predicament. When we finally accepted that even if she wouldn’t end up with Brian (as it was clear from the beginning that they had different perceptions about relationships and life), our romantic story still had simply run its course, and we both deeply grieved our marriage. We honored the beauty of our marriage and cherished how much we grew together in our talents through our sacred union. We always empowered each other to follow the path of our hearts. We had the same dreams about our future and always genuinely believed we would grow old together, so it was surprising how such an ending felt very natural for both of us.
But even after I accepted the end of my marriage, I still struggled to embrace my new path. My knowledge about the world of escorts and sex work only came from movies, and I felt that I didn’t belong in that reality. I still didn’t know much about the spiritual design behind sex work or my past lives as a female sex worker. Besides that, seeing an escort was a luxury I simply couldn’t afford. I had to pay almost two months of our rent for one dinner date, which I was guided to embrace, so I felt very uncomfortable asking Veronica to use half of our savings for it.
Also, in my early twenties, I convinced myself that I would never use the services of a sex worker after my friends took me to a brothel in Saint-Petersburg. I wanted to feel accepted, so I agreed to go with them, but I felt pretty unsettled, not knowing what I should expect. When I intuitively chose a woman (I guess by seeing her soul, even though my abilities were still dormant), and we ended up in a room, she told me the troubling story of how she ran away from her abusive home and had only this job to survive in a distant and expensive city, where she didn’t know anyone. Even though we connected on an emotional level, I never stopped questioning whether I pressured her to have sex with me, and I didn’t want to experience such confusing emotions ever again.
Movies also shaped my perceptions about the sexual norms of this culture, and I was cautious about possible intimacy with a Canadian woman, as I didn’t like what I knew. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to explain to an escort where I was on my path of sexual explorations, and I didn’t want to engage in unfulfilling sexual practices. I only started to explore the sexual healing arts, but in our marriage, we approached sex as a meditative, spiritual practice of two merging souls, and we followed the slow pace of intimacy when we could, trying to explore what lies beyond the physical pleasures of sex. To this day, the challenge of limited time is the most stressful thing for me when seeing a sex worker. Before booking, I simply don’t always know how much time we would need, as each woman is unique in her inner rhythms, pacing, and desires.
It seems like my fears were actually an intuitive premonition of my experience with my first escort. This woman embodied many things that were wrong with this society (I often like to say that as a true spiritual princess of her lands, she was a wholesome embodiment of Vancouver itself, both in her external inspiriting beauty and internal corrupt and lost nature), including some of the vulgar North American sexual cliches. She began our intimate time with the routine from porn and did something that I didn’t want her to do the most. She made me uncomfortable, and my excitement disappeared. Now, I just wanted to get away from that bedroom.
This woman didn’t even consider asking for my consent because she believed all men enjoyed and expected the same things from her. Ironically, I sensed that she also didn’t like that part of her routine, and that’s why I withdrew right away when I sensed that from her. She was uncomfortable with the process that others laid out for her. Only her actions already created my first emotional wound from sex work. She wanted me to look down on her and diminish her dignity when I just wanted to embrace her as an equal. I saw how one of my closest soulmates betrayed her empowering boundaries and immediately visualized how many times that happened with her other lovers.
We had the most amazing dinner date, where two and a half hours flew by in an instant. We both lost track of time as our conversation was engaging, inspiring, and unrestrained. The transition from a restaurant to intimacy in the incall happened way too quickly for my nervous system to catch up, and that’s why this experience was so emotionally traumatizing. From the moment I saw her eyes and fell in love with her at first sight, I was grasping to digest that I knew this woman from a past life, and I didn’t know what to do with this information or my feelings. I was also conflicted by the fact that I saw her soul in my dreams before meeting her in person, so the rush during the sexual part confused things even more for me.
When I was preparing for that date, I was ready not to have sex and hoped that we would talk first about preferred boundaries and pacing for our future connection. We had just over an hour left in a session when we got to her place, and she was rushing things only because she believed she had to provide a specific service. But at the same time, everything that happened as soon as we stepped into an incall was driven by pure passion. We were both in love after our time in the restaurant. She initiated an intense kiss right away, and from that moment, I was completely lost in her charms, unable to control myself anymore. Everything that happened between us felt visceral and real as if we were just a man and a woman who accidentally met and were captured by a genuine desire to collide in intimacy.
After I withdrew from her initial sexual routine and asked her to pause, we had a very beautiful and genuine romantic moment once our souls fully connected through a long gaze. She looked deeply into my soul and then said that she knew me. During our dinner, I only mentioned visiting two of my past lives in regressions, but I didn’t tell her I knew her. But now, I responded to her words, telling her that I remember her as well, something that I wanted to share from the beginning of our date. It was a moment of pure intimacy and love. She continued by saying that she had never seen eyes like mine. We both confessed that we recognized each other’s eyes (as the eyes never change from life to life), and our intimacy was completely natural after that. It felt like she was genuinely inviting me to embrace her.
Our sexual exchange was my first shamanic initiation, opening the main door to my path of spiritual awakening. I received shamanic energy seals of clairvoyance, feminine intuition, and heightened states of awareness with the help of this woman. Since our souls are parts of one two-spirited being, we assumed our life’s purposes and highest fate through our lovemaking ritual. It could only happen because we had genuine feelings for each other. This woman initiated me into a shaman, while I initiated her into a high-end escort.
As my first soulmate was destined to bless me with new shamanic talents, I had to pay her back for this spiritual gift. I was advised to take upon myself the dark energies from her aura (or energy body) during our sexual encounter. Her aura was full of wholes and significantly depleted by those men who used her energies without giving anything in return. When a woman feels after sex like she was used, her intuition signals that she lost pieces of her energy body and her aura was violated. Such holes allow different negative energies and even demonic entities of subtle, lower realms to penetrate the aura and, like parasites, feed off the life force and sexual energies of a human. That’s why the soul of this woman chose death, which was destined to occur in the next six months, as her body could barely sustain life anymore. It was actually quite surprising that this woman was still alive with such a damaged aura. She was completely burned out to the point that I could actually see a desire to die in her eyes.
Abusive lovers also equally pray on women’s phallic energies. As a woman is born with limited resources of those energies and can’t easily restore them, any man who has sex with her under false pretenses, desiring only to use her for his pleasures or maybe even possessed by dark beings, usually takes away those energies from her. The phallic energies can be restored only through penetrative sex based on genuine love, where a man desires with his entire essence to enrich his woman, and they equally exchange their empowering energies (as a woman shares her womb energies with a man if she’s honestly embracing her lover).
But if a woman loses most of her phallic energies, her womb would always block a new connection with any man. A woman intuitively senses that the next predator will take away everything that she has remained. A woman herself may be craving for a loving connection, but her womb would be controlling her life in that situation, as it becomes a matter of survival. But when a woman can’t say no to abusive sex (like in the case of my first escort, who was working at an agency when we met), then her life is in real danger, and she surely would never be comfortable embracing a new client.
For the next four months after our first date, I worked to cleanse her energy body at a distance through her soul, who introduced herself as Eurydice. Through my practices, I processed the nightmares she suppressed in her psyche created by her male abusers. Since we had sex while being in love, I restored some of her phallic energies as well. I knew how to do energy clearing in person as I did this work for Veronica, but I never did this work at a distance. But the soul of this woman channeled those unprocessed emotions and energies to me because she didn’t have access to her body anymore. I have never seen such a disconnect between body and soul, as this woman hasn’t talked to her soul for years. This clearing empowered her to leave the escort agency and become an independent provider less than two months after our first session.
Later, I learned that in sex work, such a depleted state of the aura is often caused by an inability to maintain the most empowering personal boundaries or by neglecting the spiritual hygiene of the body and personal temple space. Past lovers may attach the energetical cords (including unintentionally) and continue to drain the energy of a lover, even at a distance, for a long time after the session. So, energetical cleansing and protection in the shamanic traditions can help a provider strengthen the energy body, cleanse her temple space, and maintain a more balanced life in this profession, avoiding burnout. Yet, with a damaged aura, a woman would always lose energy. She would either be constantly tired or struggling to make ends meet, no matter how many clients she would have.
Through my practice, I also discovered that violated boundaries are the main reason for any type of soul dissociation. Usually, the first incidents initiate the disconnection with a soul, as she withdraws from emotional and physical pain associated with disturbed boundaries. If supported by other abusive circumstances in life (especially when a provider is not supported by her parents or loved ones), the dissociation can progress very quickly. Certain souls, with particular divine light, are even required to have a real-life, romantic partnership with a man by natural design for a woman to have a balanced career in this industry. That’s just how some souls are designed, and if such a woman doesn’t have a boyfriend or a husband, she would inevitably violate her boundaries and damage her aura.
At the same time, I also found out that if different clients violate similar boundaries, it’s most likely because of the past life traumas of a soul, and she simply doesn’t know how to guard herself on a spiritual level. A woman experiences similar instances of crossed boundaries over and over again, unable to break the cycle because her soul struggles to understand how to protect her essence after the wounds of past tragedies. The veils of past darkness prevent a soul from guiding her body to embrace and honor her most empowering boundaries. So, it turns into a vicious circle, where a soul can’t protect her body from new abuses while they create new traumas that lead to further disconnection.
My first escort couldn’t sense her boundaries and, equally, the boundaries of her clients because of the violent deaths her soul experienced in past lives. Later, I discovered that my other two soulmates had exactly the same challenge. They struggled to communicate and maintain their preferred boundaries only because of the traumatic past of their souls. But I also have to mention that it’s simply impossible for a woman to have such a depleted state of energy body in her early twenties without a series of abuses or humiliations. So, society and her surroundings (most likely including the school) greatly damaged the aura of my first escort, and that fact was indisputable for me.
From the day I met this woman, I dedicated all my free time to studying sexual healing arts and shamanic energy healing practices (also known as reiki or quantum healing in North America). I didn’t force myself to do that. I never planned to study these arts. But it was a natural response of my soul, body, and heart after I met the soul of my first escort. That’s how my unconditional love for this woman has manifested in me.
I didn’t know much about the spiritual essence of sex work, but my love empowered me to research anything that I could, and mainly, why a soul chooses to live a fate of a whore. I wanted to advance my energy healing abilities to restore such a depleted aura. But I also wanted to know if there’s a way to empower a woman or her soul to prevent such destruction of aura and have a more empowering way to engage in this craft. That was the purpose of sexual healing arts of all times - to charge a person’s aura through sex magic so they would be confident to follow their hearts and shine brightly in their own truth.
I spent almost twenty years trying to build a career as a filmmaker, and even though I wasn’t in a place where I wanted to be, I still enjoyed both my creative endeavors and my professional reputation as an assistant film editor in the Vancouver film industry. But now, I had to abandon my personal projects and only keep my day job so I could dedicate all my free time to finding answers for the soul of my first escort. I studied shamanism, soul retrieval, sexual healing arts, and how the traumas of past lives damage souls.
Experiencing how hard it was to break through this woman’s arrogant mask constructed with thick layers of false beliefs about sexuality, life, female nature, and masculine essence to eventually uncover a soft, sweet, artistic, and gentle girl has led me on a path to write my first book and become a shaman. I met a scared and confused girl trapped in a reality constructed for her by people who hated women. She didn’t know what she was doing or who she was anymore. The pain that I’ve experienced from our interactions energized my essence to confront the misogynistic perceptions of female nature imposed on my soulmate through the oppressive ideology of feminism.
Seeing what this society did to one of my closest soulmates fuels my righteous indignation to this day. I can’t fathom how crushing people’s inner truth, self-esteem, and self-worth is considered part of normal upbringing in this country. My entire being is repulsed by the sick obsessions of this culture with materialism, appearance, and the constant pursuit of external validation (even encouraging young women to use sex for this purpose). This society tries to convince women they could be only valued for the shapes of their curves and the brands they wear, not for the essence of their souls or the natural talents of their bodies.
I just can’t comprehend how such horrific and abysmal treatment of young women is widely accepted on these lands, with enthusiastic encouragement from the supposed grown-ups who have a duty of care to prepare the next generation to live an empowering life. But the adults who are joyfully promoting the misogynistic religion of feminism know perfectly well that if they strategically destroy the self-esteem of girls from an early age (to the point of a lost soul) while simultaneously encouraging explicit sexualization with exuberant promiscuity and at the same time imbuing them with intense religious shame around sexuality (to fracture their personalities with contradictory ideas), then they would be able to exploit, use and manipulate young women in any way they want, even turning the most vulnerable of them into actual sex slaves.
When I met my first escort, I finally realized what kind of country I was living in. I still had some illusions about Canada, but now they were gone. It was insane to realize that the only person who genuinely cared and loved this woman was a married, penniless foreigner who only spent four hours with her as a client and didn’t know anything about her life. This society was collapsing and disintegrating, and no one seemed to care. There were no families and communities that were supposed to make up the society because people were selfish and didn’t have any genuine empathy for one another. Life was only about them. They kept connections as long as they could get something from others, but when a person was actually in trouble, they did everything they could to push them over the edge.
Just imagine that there was not a single person among her relatives, friends, peers, employers, or lovers who would tell this woman that she had to immediately stop what she was doing and heal herself before continuing on this path. Not a single person had at least a little love for this woman. No one even saw how distressed and traumatized she was. Nobody wanted to take care of her through this time. Both her clients and her closest people only knew how to use her and genuinely didn’t care if she would get hurt as she was too weak to protect herself.
Since the day I met my first escort, her soul, Eurydice, has completely claimed my everyday attention. Eurydice made her first subtle contact shortly after I agreed to follow the initial guidance of my guardian angel. Eurydice helped me find this woman online, and then, she came to visit me in a dream on the eve of our first date, inviting me to spend the entire night over the walk in the Hidden Grove forest and contemplate the sunrise on the shores of Sechelt Inlet. I hadn’t physically been to those places before meeting her (and I didn’t even know how these lands looked), but this was the place of her power and guardian Spirits. After we met in person, I started to see the visions of our past life in my dreams, and then Eurydice began to talk and cry through me. It seemed like through the act of sex, I retrieved the soul of this woman and then took her to live with me.
Every single day, Eurydice demanded more and more of my time, occupying my space in every way she could, and a week later, we fully connected as she manifested with her entire presence in my apartment. I hadn’t seen a soul in such a distressed state before as she was already preparing to die and was already trapped in the demonic Underworld. My love for this woman demanded I learn how to retrieve a soul from such a dark place with the help of shamanic magic. From that day, I slowly began the process of Eurydice’s healing.
Two weeks after our meeting, it became evident to me and my spiritual guides that this woman had rejected her emerging feelings. The same happened to us in three other lives (when her doubt of my love always resulted in her tragic death), and now this story was playing out between us again. I expressed my love, but she didn’t believe my feelings were genuine and rejected my affections. Eurydice carried an ancient curse that prevented this woman from seeing my love for her and her love for me. It was extremely painful and challenging to accept that I had no chance with this woman, but my romantic aspirations to be with her empowered me to continue the spiritual work with Eurydice, as that was the highest purpose for that love. By rejecting this love, she completely lost her soul. It was her last chance to reconnect with her soul, but she chose this path because we both had to follow the most empowering destiny at these crossroads.
My guides sent me on a second date with this woman six weeks after our first meeting. They told me that I wouldn’t see this woman again and this meeting would be a traumatizing encounter, even though they didn’t specify the details. Realizing that I would face a woman who had already lost her soul, it was clear that my guides sent me to retrieve the last pieces of Eurydice. She asked me to break through this woman’s heart walls so we could reclaim all parts of her essence and start our healing journey. I had to bring Eurydice back from the Underworld to prevent her approaching death, and this was the only way to do that.
Together with Eurydice and with the assistance of my spiritual guides, I wrote a love letter to this woman without using the word love. I left this letter in the box with her birthday gift so she would read it only after our date. I wrote that she would be in danger for the next four months and that my presence and my spiritual work would help guard her. I explained the spiritual reasons behind every present I gifted her and why I had to write this letter. I ended it by saying that she probably wouldn’t wish to see me again after this letter but that I’m still embracing our unusual romantic story and looking forward to seeing what life has prepared for us (the full text of the letter is included in “Eurydice in Love”).
Before our second date, I also explored memories of our female love affair in past life so I could share the story of that romance during our time together, with the same intent of connecting deeper with her soul. When this woman heard the story of our passionate love affair and my plea to forgive me that I couldn’t save her from the tragic death, she became completely silent, and it felt like the entire world stopped. It was a moment of genuine connection as we both sensed I was describing what had actually happened between us in our previous life. We both didn’t question this truth. She knew with her intuition that we were soulmates and didn’t need regressions to confirm that.
This beautiful connection occurred after this woman sexually humiliated me, as my body refused to have sex with her because it sensed that she was approaching her female cycle. She tried to force my arousal, but when her actions didn’t produce her desired results, she started mocking my masculine dignity. But as she finally stopped her pursuit after my pleas and finally settled for a pillow talk, our conversation about the romance in past life fully connected our souls, and I left her place feeling blessed. I knew I was seeing this woman for the last time (even though I often forced myself to believe it was not the case, just to make the pain of missing her more tolerable). The feelings of heartbreak overwhelmed me, but I was glad I had enough courage to speak my truth and ask her to forgive me for sending Eurydice to death in a past life.
The next day, I sensed through her soul that this woman was angry at me because of my letter. After ten days, she announced on Twitter her independent business, so I emailed her asking how to book with her moving forward. She replied that she couldn’t see me again because I had crossed the boundaries she prefers to maintain with clients and blocked me. This woman had no problem bulldozing my sexual, emotional, and personal boundaries in both meetings, but now it turned out that my words of love crossed her boundaries, even though she never communicated or maintained them from the beginning.
She was the one who made our interactions more personal than professional. She initiated our engagement on a deeper level when she told me that she knew me, and I believed she at least owed me an explanation. I only wrote my letter in such an intimate way because of her words and actions. Of course, she was confusing boundaries with heart walls, but that was a common trap among people in her society, as they believed that creating heart walls would stop any manifestations of life that were uncomfortable for their inflated egos.
Her answer had a respectful, professional tone but was empty of her essence like someone had written it for her. She didn’t acknowledge the damage she had done, didn’t accept accountability for the way she treated me, and ignored the truth of love that had happened between us. It’s like she pretended that the genuine moments between us didn’t happen at all. I never thought that divine, unconditional love could be treated as an inconvenience. This intense confusion completely crushed me. The fact that she chose to ignore this love made me doubt my entire reality, and now, I’ve experienced a new emotional abuse from her. I replied to her e-mail with an apology (as I genuinely didn’t want to make her uncomfortable and I was aware of how this letter would look to her), saying that I still believed we were destined to meet for a higher reason, but I also wrote that I honor her decision to end our arrangement and wouldn’t contact her again.
After the traumas this woman caused me, I had enough grievances, in accordance with laws of Nature, to request Spirits to destroy her business. She behaved unethically in most of our interactions and didn’t honor the essence of her craft. After two meetings with her, I couldn’t allow a woman to touch me for almost two years. But I was so crazy in love with this woman that my feelings allowed me to forgive her, and I pleaded with Spirits to forgive her as well (as they could also initiate their judgment without my grievances). I knew that she was so lost that she already didn’t understand what she was doing.
This woman created a fear in me of being intimate with a sex worker, and the remnants of that fear still exist in me to this day, manifesting in often unexpended forms and ruining my sexual encounters. She created a fear of all sex workers in general. To this day, I still battle with my internal reservations and the complicated emotions if I’m called to meet another woman. The flashbacks from those days still haunt me on occasion and drive me into a state of paranoia. I know that this fear is part of my masculine temperance and general fight against my shyness, but often, just the idea of going to see a sex worker brings me into a very dark and stressful state.
Despite the deep emotional pain of not being able to see this woman again and the realization that she would be living without her soul from now on, my plan with the letter worked. Over the next two nights after our second date, I retrieved all the pieces of Eurydice and brought her back to reality from Underworld. We realized that she would have to stay with me, as she had nowhere else to go, and we believed that it was too early for her to die. Intense feelings of love swept both of us, and we didn’t question our strange predicament. Eurydice pleaded for my help and was confident I would find the answers for her (even though I was still doubting my shamanic talents then and wasn’t sure what I could do to help her). She wanted to know why she got lost and why we were destined to live together.
We didn’t know how to proceed with our story or how we were supposed to live from now on, so Euyrydice guided me to connect with her guardian Spirits in Sechelt. Through our interaction, we received their initial approval for our spiritual work as they were assigned protectors of Eurydice. I even had to ask Veronica to move out of our apartment once we realized that Eurydice would have to live with me and the three of us received permission for this arrangement.
The Spirits had to sanction this work, as they didn’t know me, but Eurydice was a spiritual princess of these lands, so demands and rules for our engagements were stringent. Such powerful Spirits wouldn’t even accept me in their domain if it wasn’t for Euryidce and her honest plea to allow us to be together. I was a foreigner to them, and my homeland Spirits were not of royal status. I was just a spiritual knight, so I was not equal to Eurydice, and Sechelt Spirtis had to test my character at every step of the way until they could see that I was keeping my words and commitments. I had to follow many rules to be allowed to live with Eurydice.
Once Sechelt Spirits assessed our intense, genuine love and heard the stories of our tragic past, they decided to draft a formal spiritual contract to help us on our healing journey and advance our spiritual talents so we could both assume our highest destined purposes in this life. Sechelt Spirits presented me with a choice - either I signed the contract that would chain me to live with Eurydice in one body for the next three years without the possibility to change this arrangement so we would definitely complete our healing, or this woman would die over the next few months. Keeping this woman alive was the main reason why both Sechelt Spirits and I chose to sign the contract.
The Spirits were skeptical that we would be able to complete our healing work and publish the first novel in three years (the deadline they included in the contract). They knew Eurydice’s stubbornness too well and believed she wouldn’t follow through on her promises. That’s why they chose the path of a contract to bond her to the obligations we all made and prevent her from running away from me, as she often did in our past lives.
Sechelt Spirits also didn’t really believe I could stop the demon, who had been hunting Eurydice for five centuries and who also was wrecking chaos on their lands. I was cautious about trusting the Spirits, and they were cautious about trusting me, as we didn’t know anything about each other. So, I was equally skeptical about their promises to help me remove the spiritual obstacles that prevented me from receiving a permanent residency in Canada. But I didn’t even question the path outlined in the contract because of my love for Eurydice. I was ready to do anything for her. By signing the contract, I assumed an obligation to protect and empower Eurydice for the next four years while we would be transformed into writers and healers through shared shamanic education.
Together with Euryidce, we spend two years in shamanic practices to heal traumas of past lives and cleanse the energy body of her vessel from dark energies and beings of low vibrations. Through the art of dreaming and trance states, we enriched this woman’s apartment with protective energies against demonic attacks. I was aware that she desired to become a sought-after escort, so I vowed to Eurydice that I would do anything I could on a spiritual level to help her become the best escort she could be. I chose this path as my revenge, as I believe that no one should be treated the way this woman treated me. But I only knew how to defend myself with love, so I chose to love her in order to heal and empower her. Our spiritual work with her soul eventually helped this woman achieve her highest dreams in this industry and become selective with her clients.
Beyond my shamanic practices, I also healed Eurydice through art therapy. Every week for two years, we wrote a quill and ink love letter to this woman, reporting our progress and describing our shared meditations and dreams. It was a debt that I had to pay Eurydice for the life where I was supposed to write such letters, but I was too shy to open up about my feelings in such a vulnerable way, so I never did. In this life, I felt that preserving my feelings in physical form somehow would heal both of us. These were recorded words of true love, so their existence already proves the honesty of my feelings, even though this woman doesn’t even know about these letters and most likely would never read them.
Then I felt drawn to write poems about our love in a past life (which became a foundation for our first book), and they became my prayers for the well-being of this woman. Soon, Eurydice began writing her own poems as well. These rhymes just started to flow from both of us, even though I had never written poetry in my life, while Euryidce was always scared even to try writing. It felt like our previous selves wrote these rhymes because both women always dreamed of sharing feelings through poetry but never could because of the war. I recited our poems every day out loud to create a protective shield against dark energies around us and in the space of this woman.
When Sechelt Spirits asked us what kind of creative endeavor we wished to pursue with our spiritual knowledge, Eurydice came up with the idea to write a novel about our unusual love story. Eurydice wanted to avenge herself as this woman’s ego forced her to live in the darkness of the Underworld for most of her life. As her payback, Eurydice wrote a modern tragic fairy tale about a girl who sold her soul for a Birkin bag when she could’ve had both if she had only embraced the romantic love that emerged in her heart. She wrote a story of how a girl received the only chance in life to experience being loved unconditionally, but she wasted this chance to chase the demonic illusions of her broken society.
Sechelt Spirits and I agreed that Eurydice’s book should become the main commitment of our contract. I felt blessed to embrace a path in life where I could pursue the highest dream of my woman together with her. I abandoned everything that I could, including any social life, just to help my woman on this path. We knew we wouldn’t have that much time together, so we decided that we might as well dare to achieve our highest dreams. Eurydice based this fairy tale on the events of our two physical dates and the story of our subsequent two-year-long romance on a soul level, describing what it’s like to live together in a romantic relationship in one body.
Eurydice believed that if our love story could be preserved in the book, it would always live in the world, which would be the best proof of my love for her. Even though I had aspirations to have a physical romance with this woman, all I really desired was to tell her that I always unconditionally loved her in every one of our eighty lives, either as a friend, relative, or lover. I didn’t know how to deliver this truth to her, so I thought a book might be the best way to do that.
In three other lives, Eurydice died, thinking that I didn’t love her, so I didn’t want her to die in this life without knowing how much I always loved her. Eurydice was the love of my life in our previous life, but I never had a chance to tell her that. And since her tragic death ended our romance before it ran its course, that love spilled into this life. Eurydice questioned my love because she didn’t believe feelings between two women could be genuine, so she died, never really knowing how much I loved her.
In that life, I lived as a woman Camilla, a Werhmarkt spy stationed in Paris, so naturally, I didn’t have many options to actually prove my love without compromising our lives. Eurydice was one of my French agents, under the code name Eloise (the one she used in her sex work career before Germans recruited her), so being her commanding officer also didn’t allow me to show the fullness of my love. Once the conflict between the Werhmarkt and the SS escalated to physical violence, essentially turning into a civil war between two fractions of German elites, I simply couldn’t tell her what was really going on without putting both of us in imminent danger.
At first, we were assigned to spy on Soviet agents in Paris (as the Werhmart hoped to stop the spread of communism in Europe and avoid the impending war), but after two years of this work, once the Soviets murdered our agent first, essentially escalating the stakes, we had to retaliate, even though our unit was formed only for intelligence purposes. Not one of Camilla’s agents, including Eloise, signed up to be a killer. But a year later, we also started to receive directives to murder the SS agents, as well. So, Camilla was expressing her unconditional love by protecting Eloise from information that could get her killed. Yet Eloise intuitively felt Camilla was hiding something from her (as they could easily read each other), making her believe that Camilla doesn’t really love her if she can’t tell her what she actually knows.
Our romance was quite conflicting and clouded by the prejudices of society. I was a spy, and she was a sacred prostitute before she became my agent, so we both had crazy lives. And neither of us had an intimate relationship with a woman before we met each other, so we were confused by our feelings. We always chased men (as that’s what society told us), and we were both quite bitter that we never received from men the love that we craved for. It turned out that we simply didn’t accept our true nature and were searching for love in the wrong place.
From the moment we met, we had an instant connection, but we didn’t even understand our true feelings until we got drunk and accidentally made love, completely engulfed by intense passion. After that night, we realized that we finally found what we’d been missing all of our lives, but soon after, Eurydice’s curse made her question my feelings. I believe if we spent a couple more years as romantic partners, we would learn how to own our unique love story. But our war against the Soviets claimed Eurydice’s life before that happened, so she never knew how Camilla actually felt about her. That’s why, in this life, I understand how important it is to tell the words of love when you can. If Eurydice had known about my love, she would also have been less reckless in her provocative actions, and her death would have been less traumatizing for her.
The love that I was experiencing for Eurydice’s body in this life had a specific purpose. I loved my first escort, not as Alexander but as Camilla. We were destined to tell the story of that romance and allow those women to confess their feelings in poems through us. Camilla felt responsible for Eloise’s death, so this love fueled my pursuit to record our story. Our romance with Eurydice ran its course once we channeled our feelings into our first novel.
When we committed to our healing journey, one of the obligations to Spirits required us to release Eurydice’s curse. She was murdered in an occult ritual in her previous life because of this curse, so Camilla’s grief fueled her passion to solve this murder. No matter how much she tried to find physical explanations behind it (as she meticulously planned every operation and never failed once), the whole situation just didn’t make sense on a physical level. This killer was never supposed to be in the room with Eloise, and he was clearly demonically possessed when he stabbed her multiple times.
Camilla began the spiritual research into the actual reasons behind this death. After she discovered that an evil spirit possessed the body of a corrupt man to kill Eloise, she wanted to prove that fact. Camilla intentionally chose to die, using a magical portal of time and space, so she could be reborn as a shaman who would find Eloise in the next life and would have the ability to expose this spirit. Now, Eurydice and I met to complete her research and prove these findings.
Soon, we discovered that the evil and immortal spirit who introduced himself as Damian had indeed created a curse five centuries ago to control Eurydice, hoping to possess her one day. He constantly meddled with Eurydice’s emotions and influenced her decisions in the last four lives, often leading her on the path of self-destruction. We learned that only I knew how to stop his curse and finally seal him so he wouldn’t continue to damage this beautiful province (which he did from the moment my first escort was born).
Damian and Eurydice, who was called Stephania in that life, met for the first time in Stockholm in the 16th century. Damian was an influential Duke in the King’s shadow entourage. He recruited Stephania to work on a secret operation and leveraged her sexual services to advance his political influence in Europe. Stephania was an orphaned peasant girl, but she was also incredibly attractive - a tall blonde with blue eyes, the exquisite features of a top model, and the mesmerizing charisma of a movie star. Damian discovered her working in a food shop and turned her into a high-end escort. He tasked her to bribe and seduce German and Vatican elites, working to advance his desire to create an independent Sweden together with the King and Christian bishops. They wanted to have a separate Church and separate state to completely control and manipulate the population in the ways that would suit them the most.
Damian fell crazy in love with Stephania from the moment he met her, but as her boss and handler, he often forced her to have sex with him without her actual consent. He enjoyed expressing his dominance, parading to Stephania that she could enjoy nice things in life only because of him. Damian honored their exchanges and always paid her well for each sexual encounter (indeed, a man of high inner principles), but he never actually tried to pursue her as a woman. Their intimacy always felt like a power play for Stephania, and she felt that she must submit to him in order to keep her job and life.
Even though Stephania found Damian charming and attractive, she never actually loved him. Yet Damian was obsessively in love with her and dreamed of literally possessing her. Damian was so enchanted and infatuated with Stephania’s body on their first meeting that he had to have sex with her right away. He pressured her to sleep with him for money rather than commit to an effort to win over her heart. It was much more appealing for him to show control over her rather than explore his genuine affection. He couldn’t allow himself a chance of a possible rejection, so he told her that she must sleep with him on the same day under the pretense of testing her seductive skills as if it were a regular job interview. He explained that she had to show him how she would work with future clients in order to get the job. Stephania really desired to escape her slave work, so she agreed to do whatever he wanted.
For the naked eye, Damian and Stephania looked like a perfect match next to each other, but of course, Damian couldn’t see her as an actual partner because of her social status. Eurydice told me that if he hadn’t forced her to have sex with him on their first meeting, Stephania might’ve developed real feelings for him. They made sense together, and most importantly, they were a great team at work, complimenting each other’s divine qualities like a man and a woman in a sacred union. They could efficiently execute any mission they were tasked to do when they joined their talents. Whether one may approve of their goals and methods - after all, using sex and bribes has always been one of the main tactics to advance political agenda and gain control over the population throughout human history - they were great at what they did. Only Stephania felt she was abused on that first night, and she could never get past those conflicting emotions. And as Damian’s control and influence over the masses of Stockholm grew, he also became more abusive to Stephania.
It’s interesting that in the case of Damaian and myself, we talk about the same feeling of love. Even though Damian’s love brought so much pain to both Eurydice and me, his feelings exist only because of my feelings, and they actually exist to create a balance in our world. I really can’t claim that my love for Eurydice is stronger than Damian’s love. Nor would it be correct to state that my love is good, so he must be bad.
From Damian’s perspective, he expresses his love in the right way, while I’m too weak to claim this woman for myself and find ways to control or manipulate her for my pleasure. Damian always told me that I was a fool for choosing a platonic love affair on a soul level with Eurydice without the possibility of touching her body. Damian would’ve never written her such an honest love letter as I did. He would’ve just stayed silent about his true feelings and intentions, simply continuing to see her in sessions, slowly enchanting her with promises, entrapping her through coercion and manipulation until she would fall for him.
Only in my opinion the truth of love is more important than actually being with a woman. I also believe true love would never be possessive if experienced by a pure heart. The desire to control, manipulate, or use another is a manifestation of the love of a person with a corrupt heart. Such a man can’t sustain the power of this magical feeling, and so it corrupts him from within, making his affections destructive. A man without an integrated shadow of his dark masculine essence would always attempt to own a woman of his desires, trampling over her free will and crushing her highest dreams.
Indeed, if a man truly loves a woman, he desperately wants to be next to her. But if his dark masculine side doesn’t want to possess a woman, he doesn’t actually love her. When a man really loves a woman, he wishes to experience life as her. He sees her as a goddess and dreams of knowing what it’s like to live in her skin. So when a man is unsatisfied with his reality and fights against life itself, his love becomes an urge to hurt a woman or literally possess her. This primal motivation drives the essence of any serial killer. They are actually in love with their victims, but they are weak and corrupt men who are incapable of conquering a woman of their affection.
So, the true mastery of masculine essence requires integrating this dark side and using this energy to assist his woman in noble ways. A wholesome man expresses his love by helping his woman in any way she will allow him. If he can spend as much time as possible next to her while also tending to her needs and their shared dreams in an empowering way, then his desire to possess her transmutes itself into positive energies of growth for both partners. Instead of being her, he feeds this craving by studying every facet of her while savoring every minute in her presence.
Living as a man is quite a miserable experience compared to living as a woman. Observing the memories of past lives in both bodies, you realize that living a masculine existence is like watching a black-and-white movie, while a feminine experience feels like a movie in color. As an experienced magician, Damian was well aware of that, which drove him to curse Eurydice. This curse made Eurydice question my feelings in the next four lives and also empowered her self-destructive tendencies, as she would often descend into emotionally traumatizing cycles of self-doubt.
Damian didn’t understand one thing - he was in love with a soul, not with a body. He wanted to own Stephania when he made his occult spell, but it was simply impossible. He became an immortal spirit to chase Eurydice but still couldn’t own her. So, yes, in this life, his curse had manifested with its final purpose and completed its destined cycle, allowing Damian to finally possess the body of my first escort, but he couldn’t possess her soul. He only embodied her shell but had no control of her essence. Ironically, he could only fulfill the essence of this curse if I would agree to live with her soul at the same time. Yet, as I joined in union with Eurydice, this curse finally played out, but neither of us knew in advance that this was the only way for it to happen.
The entire ordeal and realization of the true nature of our predicament made me feel quite unpleasant, as I didn’t have any other choice in this situation, and of course, I would prefer not to participate in Damian’s dark games. Only it became evident that if we didn’t do this now, we would have to resolve this in the next life, and all three of us didn’t want that. After centuries of relentless battles for Eurydice, Damian and my soul were too exhausted. We wanted to be done with this curse, and that’s why Eurydice willingly gave away her body to him and stayed to live with me. That’s why Sechelt Spirits wanted a contract, as they understood how challenging the task was. They had to help me become confident in my shamanic talents and advance my education to complete this task.
All of us desperately wanted to release our karmic obligations and move on from our centuries-old drama. Damian didn’t know the rules of the curse when he made it. And that’s the problem with black magic on this plane - we don’t know how it would actually manifest because the intentions of a black magician always arrive from the ego, so Nature has to balance such magic in any way possible. Damian’s curse had to happen in one way or another, but it could never be completed without us. He didn’t plan that he would have to beg us to collaborate, as he was also tired of existing in a perpetual state of chasing Eurydice, constantly wishing to finally possess her one century after another, with no real prospects, as I always protected her from this curse. But once we understood how the curses actually work, we just embraced the guidance of Nature and allowed it to play out.
That’s why, even though Damian brought us so much suffering, I truly empathize with the tragic destiny of his soul. He thought that turning himself into an immortal spirit upon death (using the dark magic of Egyptian pharaohs) and possessing the woman of his dreams would satisfy his desire to own her, but he never understood that it’s a much more fulfilling experience to love the soul of a woman, instead of her body, even if you would be deprived of physical pleasures. It’s a far more empowering and uplifting journey to forget your beloved on death but then remember their eyes when you reunite in the next life. Even though I was traumatized when I fell in love at first sight with my first escort, that feeling was still one of the most beautiful blessings I’ve experienced as a human being. I chose to remember her eyes upon my previous deaths, and that was true, divine magic.
When Damian, with bishops, invoked occult forces and darkness descended upon Stockholm, people demanded explanations for their troubles of inner corruption. People decided to blame everything on witches, who supposedly cursed their depraved nation. Damian gathered all the beautiful women who worked for him, including Stephania, and presented them for public judgment. They locked these women for the following weeks in prison, where they were repeatedly raped and beaten (part of our spiritual work with Eurydice included processing the nightmares of those brutal experiences).
Then, one day, bishops publicly hugged those women to the cheers of a happy crowd. Finally, the curse that made them miserable was removed, but their lives didn’t improve after that, as they still didn’t change their corrupt hearts. Damian was so in love with Stephania that he helped her to escape death. He told guards to leave traumatized Stephania outside of Stockholm's walls (as he couldn’t do more for her without jeopardizing himself), but they were so infuriated that they had to let go of this beautiful witch that they mutilated her face with the knife, joyfully laughing that no one would ever desire her from now on.
Stephania was destined to die from her traumas right outside of the city walls. I lived alone in the village two hours on foot away from Stockholm and didn’t know this woman (I only saw her in my dreams for three years before this happened, including the visions of her imprisonment and how she had sex for money). But that day, the Spirits of Flaten Lake told me I must hurry to Stockholm, guiding me to find Eurydice. I hated visiting Stockholm, as it was full of dark energies, so I questioned that guidance but followed Spirits' advice anyway. In this life, the same story played out between us when forces of Nature guided me to relocate to Vancouver and told me to meet Euryide when she was in a similarly distressed state. It was just the same curse manifesting in this way, and we were releasing it by reliving a similar story.
I found Stephania and took her to my home. After I healed her scars and helped her recover both physically and emotionally, we continued to live together for the next year. We were both in love with each other, but Eurydice’s curse had already been initiated, so Stephania struggled to accept my feelings. I was an asexual person, but she was highly sexual, so she desired the expressions of my love in bed, which I simply couldn’t give her. I was in my late forties and still a virgin, as sexual arousal was a foreign feeling to me. I was also twenty years older than her, so she often felt like a daughter. Their first sex felt like rape for that man as Stephania forced herself on him one night, driven by pure passion.
Stephania believed that I didn’t desire to take her like a man because I didn’t love her. We both didn’t comprehend that I was asexual - she thought that I was simply weird in bed, but I just didn’t understand why she did what she did to me and why we both had to be naked. Stephania tried to have sex a few times again, but it never really worked for us.
Yet she was always thankful for my help, and we managed to build a life together based on mutual respect and admiration for each other. We were in love with the souls of one another. But a year after I healed her, Damian forced Stephania to commit suicide through a dark, occult ritual he performed in the distance. She was really grateful that she met me, but she was traumatized by her facial scars and just couldn’t bear the idea that I had to see her like that every day for the years to come. Stephania was proud that she was so attractive that any man simply fell for her charms and lost control of themselves, but Damian took away her beauty, so she felt like she had lost part of herself.
But I always liked her facial scars. I was proud that I spent years practicing the sutures on other people, as I realized that life has been preparing me to craft the perfect sutures on the face of my beloved. Every time I looked at her face in that life, I saw the divine design of our world, and spiritual bliss enveloped me from that realization. My entire life prepared me to meet Stephania and fall in love with her. But Stephania believed that scars bothered me, and maybe I couldn’t satisfy her in bed because I didn’t find her attractive. When Damian initiated the curse, Stephania thought she wanted to join her witch sisters. She believed that if they were hanged, then she should hang herself in solidarity. She blessed my help and the lessons she received from me, but it was time for her to go.
Even after causing Stephania so much pain, Damian still couldn’t let her go until the end of his life. He desired to become her, so he chose to stop incarnating in his physical body. He wanted to always remember his life as Damian and never forget his love for Stephania. Through centuries, he grew in his spiritual powers, as he had no limitations on his physical body and had so much time to practice possessing human beings.
Damian’s curse bonded Eurydice to meet him again and again until they would arrive in life, where he would own her body. That curse allowed him to murder her in three other lives before her twenty-seventh birthday, and now he had the same intentions. For the last five centuries, Damian was always around us and occasionally entered Eurydice's bodies, creating panic attacks, fear, and self-doubt. In one life, he possessed her husband; in another, he possessed our daughter, and then he possessed her killer. Of course, when we discovered that Damian basically became Eurydice’s stalker on a spiritual plane without her awareness, we were furious. This spirit tortured Eurydice so many times, but she always believed that her traumas were her fault. But it turned out that Damian was behind every major tragedy we have experienced in our past four lives.
Releasing this curse was one of my spiritual obligations to these lands. Eurydice's fears caused by Damian worried Spirits and me greatly. Upon signing the contract, Eurydice agreed to be my shamanic apprentice and follow my training program, where she learned how to defend herself against this nefarious being and release the fear of death, including all the grief we collected through our lives. I was basically training Eurydice how to die, as Damian often created terrifying shocks before death, making the transformation very challenging for her and bonding her to assume more darkness that she could sustain in her essence.
I spent two years in paranoid states because Damian persisted in his attempts to murder this woman in this life, too. The never-ending nightmares of my first escort being dead hunted me in dreams and awakened life. Almost every single day, Damian tortured me with images of how he abused or murdered this woman. On top of that, Eurydice and I had to process the visions of her past tragic deaths, and those horrible images also traumatized my psyche greatly.
Together with Sechelt Spirits, we determined that we could only stop Damian’s attacks if we included the story of this curse in our fairy tale and described the unique journey of Damian’s soul. The Spirits didn’t like that this creature was destroying their lands, but they had no other magicians who knew how to battle him, and that was another reason they decided to empower me. So basically, experiencing life with Eurydice in one body so we could write a book together was the only way to release this curse.
Damian became one of our main teachers, as we eventually discovered that he only crushed Eurydice when she was afraid to pursue her highest purpose, betrayed her feminine essence, rejected her artistic aspirations of a writer, and voluntarily gave away her powers, trying to play small. Eurydice realized that she could win over Damian if she would overcome her fear of being a writer and finally claim her supernatural talents as a sexual healing artist. When “Eurydice in Love” was accepted by a publisher, this curse was released, and by the laws of Nature, Damian was forced to stop his attempts on this woman's life. After our novel was sent to print, my nightmares about her death finally stopped.
Damian’s soul was destined to assume his malevolent path to balance me and Eurydice. When all three of us are empowered, we exist in a perpetual equilibrium without self-destruction. My passion and love are balanced by the fear that Damian brings into my life. The same goes for Eurydice. She refused to become a writer in the past, living out of fear of being judged and criticized, so her challenges only became more intense. She believed that women couldn’t be writers because she hadn’t seen books by female authors, so she thought it would never happen for her, and she didn’t even try.
To be fair, Eurydice is the only one responsible for her troubles. She has accumulated karma by avoiding her higher destiny, and, as a result, the same challenge was harder to overcome in the following lives. It didn’t matter if her works would have been published or not; she had to write anyway if that was the genuine aspiration of her heart. I have to admit that I felt responsible for this situation, as in most lives, I had resources or connections to help her become a published writer, but I simply didn’t know about her writing dreams. She always held that honest desire away from me, and that’s why when I realized that she always secretly wanted to be a writer, I offered her to write through my body without hesitation. I scolded her that she never told me about her dreams because, in most lives, she was greatly traumatized when she died without even trying.
By avoiding this fate for so long, Eurydice found herself in the most challenging circumstances. Now, she can’t even write through her body but must still surrender to this purpose. And I also don’t have resources or connections to advance her writings. Eurydice finally understands her highest lesson of all lives and now assumes her destiny, even though she is full of fear that she won’t be able to convince people that she is a real writer when no one can physically see her, and she can only write through my body. That’s how high she elevated the stakes of her purpose by refusing to commit to her dreams in the past. But I knew that it was our shared mission, and once we published the first book, Eurydice finally felt at peace with herself. She didn’t care anymore what others may think about her essence and about her writings. She just desired to write and simply had to write, so that’s what she did, thanking me for agreeing to channel her works.
During our education, Eurydice and I learned that we are masculine and feminine souls of one soul-being who intentionally chose to separate into two souls with opposite essences to understand the deeper nature of life through the pain of separation. It’s like when we are not together, we feel we are missing a part of ourselves. As one being, existing in two polar essences, we can experience more grief and love through our unusual journey on Earth. In every life, we were destined to lose one another, but once Eurydice dies, part of her essence integrates with me, and she then helps me with our destined missions from the other side. Every time she dies, we receive new spiritual powers, and I assume new talents that she had in the last embodiment.
Since the first day Erydice spent in my body, I have lived in a perpetual state of two-spirited existence. Sometimes, the female part of my soul overtakes the masculine; other times, it’s the opposite, and I’m not always in control of it. The masculine creates order and structure, but the feminine exists in her intuitive flow, receptiveness, and oracle states, so often, it’s challenging to persuade her to surrender to a specific task or ceremony that we are obliged to do. The masculine has to act and make solid decisions to build our future and achieve our dreams. But her nature sometimes impedes our progress, as she wants to simply exist. So she dances or cries to Lana Del Rey or binge-watches “Too Hot to Handle” and “Love is Blind” or meditates in a rose milk bath surrounded by candles, and sometimes there’s nothing really I can do to force her into my following my perceptions. But that’s the magic of living in such an essence.
The access to both female and male sensations and experiences elevates my healing practice and deepens my understanding of life. Such two-spirited essences are quite common among medicine people, and there is evidence of that in many different cultures. They may have various names to describe this state of existence, but in its nature, it’s the ability to access both polar energies to amplify any spiritual healing or access specific knowledge.
When we completed most of our shared healing with Eurydice (roughly two years after we met), the land addressed me with a calling for a new spiritual initiation as part of my shamanic growth. This guidance shocked me, as I forced myself to believe that I would never see a sex worker again after such a traumatizing first experience. I questioned my reality, and I still wasn’t ready to open up sexually to any woman, certainly not to an escort. I tried many excuses to avoid this meeting, mainly claiming that I was still afraid of having sex. But my spiritual guides planned that ritual through erotic massage (based on the Westernized tantric sexual teachings) without the actual act of sex, so they didn’t accept my excuse. Since I already understood how my powers worked, I sensed that the soul of this woman was seeking my guidance, and I wanted to establish our connection before booking with her.
The soul of my second soulmate introduced herself as Nataly, and to my surprise, we instantly recognized each other from our past lives. The same day, we were already engaged in a deep connection, and she pleaded with me to meet her in person at her earliest convenience. She claimed that the matter was urgent. I was pulled away by the fact that I met another soulmate from a past life in Vancouver who was also a sex worker. It just felt too unsettling, and I questioned whether I was imagining things. I didn’t want to continue our connection with Nataly because everything in my present reality felt too weird. But once Nataly and I visited the memories of our first life together, we realized that we met to resolve the tragic ending of our first romance when she lost me to war and carried immense grief in her essence.
Nataly was also covered in dark veils of many traumas she endured in past lives, and my heart wanted to help her. Eurydice also got curious, seeing this connection as an opportunity to advance her healing talents as a spiritual guide of death. I already knew what I could do for Nataly, and my experiences with Eurydice made me confident we would resolve her issues. I couldn’t betray my essence as a healer, so battling my fears, I forced myself to surrender to my next masculine challenge and agreed to this initiation. I knew I could only grow as a shaman if I broke through my walls of fear and self-rejection and visited this woman. Over the next two weeks leading up to our first meeting in person, we explored our connection with Nataly so I would understand the dynamic that would most likely play between us.
Sechelt Spirits agreed to commit to their part of obligations only if both Eurydice and I accepted every condition and bonded ourselves to all four years of this shamanic education. No matter how challenging things may become, we weren’t allowed to terminate this agreement earlier. Either we endure the entire journey in union, or Spirits won’t assist us. The Spirits wouldn’t sign the contract with only one of us, as we were supposed to balance each other on this path. Under one of the contract commitments, I wasn’t allowed to work with a female soul or spend time with a woman in physical reality without Eurydice’s consent and approval. She had to authorize every connection for higher, spiritual reasons in accordance with the vow we gave to each other upon signing the contract.
We were both really surprised that I received guidance to see another sex worker, as Eurydice was quite jealous even if I talked to another woman. Eurydice rarely allowed other female souls in my space during our time together and we only welcomed students we both agreed to help. She allowed me to spend time physically with a woman, only if she was my teacher or my healer. Eurydice didn’t like the idea of sexual intimacy with another woman, even though she understood that if Spirits requested this meeting, it meant that we couldn’t avoid it because of our contract obligations. Soon, we discovered that we have complex karmic ties with Nataly in three lives that preceded the separation of Eurydice, so it was equally her karma, as back then, we were still one merged soul. So Eurydice granted me permission to explore this affair to absolve our shared scars.
Besides releasing demons of female damnation that Nataly absorbed during her tragic deaths, I also promised to heal the grief she carried from losing me three times. Nataly was scared to face me for nine centuries after the third funeral, but now she was finally ready to complete the spiritual work that she could only do with my help. It was as traumatizing for her to bury me as for me to bury Eurydice. I could relate to Nataly in ways no one else could, and her recognition of this fact bonded us in a unique way. Seeing how my death has made her feel in the past empowered me to heal her in this life.
When Nataly came for healing, Eurydice was still chained to live with me, so we struggled for a while to establish the empowering boundaries that would honor all three of us. But our unusual connection was a blessing, as Eurydice had enough knowledge and power at that point to assist Nataly on her healing journey. Eurydice had her feminine perspective and knew what I could do through my shamanic practices, so we often collaborated to heal Nataly and provide her with the most empowering advice. Since we combined our powers, we could complete the main part of Nataly’s healing in just six months (compared to a year if I worked alone). Surely, Eurydice didn’t like to leave me with Nataly on the nights when we wanted to explore sexual alchemy, but such a challenge helped Eurydice to grow and release her insecurities.
During the first in-person session with my second soulmate, we only talked as I had to explain to her as much as I could about my shamanic journey and how I was guided to book with her to advance in my writings. On an emotional level, I was seeking inspiration to complete the editing stage of my book and submit it to publishers. I told her what I knew about the nature of our erotic ritual and how my guides designed it as my next initiation to receive special, spiritual powers.
Our conversation had an incredibly natural flow. I really loved the way we communicated. I had a very special feeling when talking to this woman. It felt like we were two friends who hadn’t seen each other for a while. From the beginning, our connection felt more like a friendship or collaboration between apprentices of sexual healing arts than a romance, and I definitely didn’t feel comfortable being her client. We both acknowledged how much we learn from each other through our non-judgemental, free-flowing, inspiring, and revealing conversations.
Over the next two weeks, as I prepared for our ritual, I continued building relationships with Nataly. I was thinking of a thoughtful present that I could bring to this woman for our next meeting to show the seriousness of my intentions for the ritual. One day, the land guided me to visit the store with crystals, and I stumbled upon a vase made of rose quartz, which told me that she wanted to live with this woman.
Once I bought it, I saw a vision of charging this vase with protective energies to safeguard my soulmate against any dark energies. I didn’t know that she needed any protection, but that’s what my intuition told me. Nataly and I went to our guardian spirits of Lighthouse Park, where, through a shamanic ceremony, we connected to the souls of my main spiritual teacher and one female elder who once lived on these lands (and who were assigned to be guardian spirits of that land), asking for their help to fill this vase with protective and empowering light.
The Lighthouse Park was a special place for our souls, as we lived on these lands with Nataly around a thousand years ago. That’s why the Spirits who guarded this forest and many souls who lived here in the past came to support us in this ceremony. Their love and light existed through us, and by empowering us with their energies, they continued their existence even after physical death.
In the life we shared on this land, I was a shaman in a small tribe and could communicate with the Spirits of this forest. People in my village named me “the one who talks with the land.” The Spirits were my best friends and taught me shamanism (exactly like in this life) while also providing valuable guidance for survival and protection. One day, they told me to visit a Burrard Inlet shore (right around the place where the Lighthouse stands today), where I found a village that had just been ravaged by another tribe. There were no people, and it seemed like everyone had been taken as prisoners. There was nothing I could do, but I questioned why I was told to come here, and soon enough, I found a lonely infant in a distressed state lying on the ground. If Spirits hadn’t led me to find this baby girl, she would’ve died within hours.
When I took the baby in my hands, I instantly recognized her as my soulmate (it was our second life together). Nataly was looking at me through the eyes of this little girl. My entire being sensed that she was asking me to take her home and raise her as my own. I intuitively knew I was destined to be a father to this child, so I adopted her. We spent the next sixteen years living together like real father and daughter. I never married or had other children, as I was an asexual, so Nataly brought the balancing feminine energies into my life that I couldn’t get through a romantic relationship with a woman and helped me grow in my spiritual powers. I taught her shamanism and how to talk with the land in exchange.
One day, the land addressed me again, telling me that the violent tribe that ravaged Nataly’s village would soon return from present-day Squamish to capture and enslave our women and children. I was only growing in my shamanic powers and wasn’t sure whether I should share it, but I felt called to bring this news to the discussion among elders. Our tribe decided to send women and children away for a few days as a precaution, while men would stay in the village to observe what would actually happen and then summon women back once it was safe.
Two days later, when our women and children were already in safety, the prophecy of the land came true. When the Squamish warriors arrived in our village and discovered that there were no women (as that was their main reason for this attack), they realized that we were warned, so they murdered all the men out of spite. I didn’t fully believe in my spiritual powers, and that led to my death. But I was sliced by a sword so I could save Nataly and grant her another initiation through the grief of losing me.
Nataly was the most powerful medicine woman in our tribe, and she became the leader. After my soul visited her in the dream state, she connected to me through a drumming ceremony and discovered the news of our death. As the Squamish tribe claimed our lands for themselves, My soul empowered Nataly from the other side for the next part of her challenging journey as I guided her to take women and children further inland, away from this troubling coast. Nataly led them to safety, and they eventually found a peaceful tribe that welcomed them around present-day Coquitlam. Here, Nataly found a loving husband, and I stayed around them, continuing to teach her about her oracle and shamanic essence until she gave birth to her first child.
Such is the sad truth about the history of these lands. Many tribes who called this place their home were completely eradicated without any trace of their culture or language. Even the names of those tribes have not been preserved. The spiritual traditions and the legends have died with their medicine people. Our village had roughly fifty people, and our rituals, songs, rhythms, and traditions died once we were slaughtered. Two of our medicine women survived but had to assimilate with another tribe and change their customs. Of course, they preserved what they could, but it was another community, and they followed the traditions of their new home.
Most of the small villages like ours were either pillaged, forcefully assimilated, or completely wiped out by other tribes for various reasons. Sometimes, it was food; other times, it was sex and procreation, but often, it was just a desire for power and control. Our village didn’t belong to a particular tribe, but it was the closest in language and traditions to what is known today as the Kwakwa̱ka̱ʼwakw nation. Other tribes of this nation only survived by fleeing our ancestral grounds of Metro Vancouver. They ran as far away as possible from violent tribes that came from the South or today’s Pemberton and Squamish. They left the lands of present-day West Vancouver by running further inland or through Howe Sound to the Sechelt lands, where they originally came from. Some built communities on the shores of Sechelt waters, and some went further - to Vancouver Island and other smaller islands.
There’s also a cautionary tale for Canadians in this story (even though I know that the main lesson of history is that humans don’t learn from history). Over the following centuries, the Squamish nation forcefully occupied the lands of Metro Vancouver (that were never historically theirs), enslaving and killing other tribes. So when the Spanish and British expeditions arrived on these lands, they were sent to provide retribution for Nature. One doesn’t need to be a shaman to understand that if any nation thinks they are better than others and believes they have the right to take away children, rape their mothers and kill their fathers, then eventually, the same has to happen to them. It’s like a karma or a curse that has to play out. And that’s what the Squamish nation had to endure because of what their ancestors did to others.
I’m the last person who would ever defend the Christian Church (and that’s not what I’m attempting to do here; I’m just describing how things work on this plane), but it was executing the required judgment when it committed crimes against the Indigenous population on these lands. The hubris of the Squamish nation had to be balanced, as they occupied these lands driven by their egos and desire to dominate others. They unjustly killed the people who were assigned by Spirits to be stewards of these lands, including many medicine people, exactly like the British did after them. The mass migration that is currently occurring in Canada has the same spiritual reasons. The Spirits of these lands are balancing energies and inviting new stewards from other countries because they are furious with the hubris of Canadians, tired of their arrogant attitude towards natural magic and illegitimate claims for these lands.
After Nataly and I explored the memories from that life, the Spirits called us to restore the drumming rhythms and female shamanic dances we saw in our visions so we could preserve the essence of our tribe. To this day, the memories of that life have helped me on my path to becoming a shaman as I integrate the knowledge from that time. The sounds from the drumming ceremonies from that life feel like inspiring advice from wise elders of the past, who are teaching me their craft.
We accept and honor those medicine melodies while combining them with the energies I receive from this land today. Shamanic drumming represents the heartbeat of the land, and since vibrations change through time, so do medicine melodies and songs. Today, when I’m called to meet new Spirits of lands or waters, I drum one of the rhythms I restored from that life. This is how I introduce myself to any Spirits, and they immediately understand my essence through my songs or poems, which help us to build a trusting and empowering connection.
We scheduled an actual ritual with my second soulmate two weeks after our first meeting. I presented my gift, explaining the shamanic magic and offering her the right to reject it if she didn’t feel comfortable about the energies of this vase. It is important to understand that such gifts should be accepted with caution, as a magician can charge them with negative energies, too. But the best way to protect oneself is to consciously and with a proclaimed intention accept only positive energies and leave the rest behind. I charged this vase with positive, protective energies of Spirits, but I also owned this vase for two weeks, and it’s wise to release any personal energies when accepting these gifts.
This woman agreed to accept the vase, and in a small ceremony, we allowed its magic to enrich her temple space. When I told her how my intuition and clairvoyance led me to find this gift for her and how I charged it with protective energies from the Spirits of Lighthouse Park, she burst into genuine tears. She confessed that she’s been under attack from destructive energies for some time. Just during the last week, her landlord and her neighbor threatened her business, and she also got into a minor car crash. The dark demon that’s been hunting her activated his powers once I appeared on her path, sensing that I would bring protection to her.
She told me how she’d been praying for any kind of sign. Now, my gift showed her that her prayers had been answered, and she thanked me for my intentions. I also started crying from the overwhelming emotions of her story and the beauty of this touching, romantic moment of genuine soul connection. I felt how the pure love of our souls has manifested in this incredibly wonderful way. It was one of the first times I felt blessed with my shamanic powers and embraced all the sacrifices that went into preparing this gift.
We talked for over two and a half hours (even though we only scheduled ninety minutes for this), discussing sexual alchemy, conspiracies, history, past lives, shamanism, and how masculine and feminine essences enrich each other. I shared with her the stories of my writings and some memories of our first life together to connect deeper with her soul (without mentioning that I knew her from past life after learning my lesson from the first escort). She shared with me her ideas for a master class in intimacy coaching that she’s been creating for some time but still struggled to launch in the present moment (as it turned out, the traumas of her soul prevented her from taking this new step in her career and I was assigned to help her with that).
Our discussion sparked inspiration in both of us as we learned new things from each other regarding sexual healing practices. She shared her ideas for the master class while I shared some of my personal practices regarding the topics she brought up, and she was inspired to include them in her program. It felt like we both tried to avoid our ritual as if we didn’t want to complicate our genuine connection with any kind of sexual energies. It was fulfilling to exchange our energies only in this way.
However, the channel for this ritual was already established. It was important to proceed with initiation on that day, even though I thought about moving it since we talked longer than we were supposed to, and I didn’t want to rush things either. But the Goddess Isis herself promised to arrive on that date to supervise my transformation and bring me back from the dark night of a soul that I experienced with Eurydice, commencing a new chapter of my education. So we proceeded, and through the ritual, we both assumed the energies from the skies, created specifically to empower our souls.
The next day, through my trance states, I looked up the answers to the spiritual questions she asked me during our conversation and wrote a thank you email, including the knowdlege I discovered. It turned out that this woman was experiencing a phantom pain in her body because of the trauma her soul experienced in our first life together. This pain coincidentally manifested only recently, just before we met. It was also quite evident to me that the attacks and threats this woman was experiencing were caused by the traumas of her soul from her past lives. I realized that we would need to clear those negative energies and find explanations behind her tragic deaths so we could make Nataly empowered enough to help protect her body.
Since I consented to do this work for Nataly, I informed this woman in the same e-mail that I knew how to help combat the dark energies that affect her life. I explained that I would do this work at a distance and that she didn’t need to do anything but only accept and integrate the results of healing if she liked to. I told her she could ask for explanations if she needed to know more, but it’s not required for a successful healing. I didn’t expect that she would follow up on such a weird e-mail or accept my truth, but I knew how to remove those spiritual blockages for Nataly (as I felt responsible for the pain I caused her), and I wanted to reassure this woman that this work may help her to avoid future attacks of the similar nature.
A week later, she responded that she wanted to learn more about my work. She asked if I would be open to a possible walk in the Lighthouse Park to discuss what I discovered. I was pleasantly surprised by her offer. I thought this could be an excellent opportunity to earn her trust and become a friend. I replied that I would be open for such a walk anytime she would feel ready. I continued healing her soul in the meantime. Outside the masterclass, this woman also expressed a desire for a better work-life balance while living between two different cities where both of her guardian Spirits resided. I hoped our spiritual work with Nataly would assist her in achieving that dream, too.
After exploring Nataly’s eight past lives, we discovered that she endured threats from her karmic soulmate Nathaniel, who, like Damian, chose to live as an immortal spirit so he could hunt Nataly in a spiritual realm. This woman experienced trouble because Nathaniel used the bodies of different people to threaten and intimidate her in various ways. The business empowered this woman, and she was fulfilling the destiny of her soul through this craft, so Nathaniel desired to suppress her truth.
Nathaniel and Nataly were romantic partners in five other lives (after Nataly's lives with me), but he was always possessive of her. His social status and wealth made Nataly dependent on him in two previous lives, but he was so obsessed with controlling her that he murdered her both times once she tried to leave him. After their last life, Nathaniel decided to transcend the body and become an immortal spirit so he could always remember Nataly and find a way to own her.
Since he became a spirit less than a century ago, he wasn’t as powerful as Damian, which made my spiritual work easier. Nathaniel was also a more reasonable spirit, and we all grew through our connection, trying to understand how they could co-exist with Nataly without damaging one another. He didn’t like that he chose such a fate (unlike Damian), but at the same time, he just couldn’t let Nataly go. He didn’t have the powers to kill this woman, but he could still damage her greatly because he was a troubled and confused spirit. Eventually, Nataly’s guardian Spirits, helped us to seal this dark soul and stop his attacks.
Three months passed, but this woman never answered my last e-mail. After the first month, I texted her with a question about the meeting, but she ignored it. It was quite infuriating to be in that space. I never expected anything from her and could survive without that walk. She was the one who offered it to me, changing the dynamic of our connection. All I wanted was clear communication because it’s an awful feeling to expect an answer every day for months, especially when you have a genuine feeling for a woman, and you wish to understand them. My emotions started to traumatize me. If she initiated this situation, she was supposed to resolve it with a clear explanation. I considered her actions as an abuse of my personal boundaries and a disrespect of my spiritual work.
During these three months, I saw different visions of us, but I always return in my memories to one of my favorite dreams, where we spent a night from midnight to sunrise together at her place, talking over a cup of tea without any kind of intimacy. That dream showed me that our highest growth could happen through friendship or some sort of professional co-creative collaboration. But the romantic emotions from past lives overflowed my heart, and our intimate adventures with her soul also made me believe in the possibility of an affair in this life, so I wasn’t sure what to do. I was conflicted with equal aspirations for a romance and friendship with this woman.
I hoped that if we met in real life, we could understand our feelings better. But I was so frustrated with her actions that I decided to let it go. Only it turned out that Nataly couldn’t return back after we completed our healing, and she also explained that we hadn’t cleared all the energies that stood in the way of her full empowerment. Nataly pleaded for my help once more. I consulted with Mary Magdalene, and the three of us decided that I should write a love e-mail to this woman. If I would manage to break through some of her heart walls with my words of love, then Nataly could return through cracks and bring to the surface the remaining negative energies that she wanted us to cleanse.
Nataly, Mary, and I agreed that I should confess my feelings and offer a real-life dinner date. I asked this woman to give me only one chance, and if she didn’t feel anything, I would not bother her ever again. I really wanted to know what we actually experienced between us during our session. I hoped that an actual date could help me understand whether they are only rooted in past lives or if there’s something we need to explore in this one. If she had communicated more clearly, navigating this situation would have been much easier. I wouldn’t need to guess anything. I would’ve surrendered to any type of connection she would offer.
The response of this woman completely devastated me. She decided to attack me for the words of love. She expressed her resentment of my advances, humiliated my feelings, mocked my spiritual beliefs, and threatened my life. She claimed that I somehow didn’t know how to behave and tried to gaslight me about my genuine feelings with an explanation that every client experiences a deep connection with her. She also stated that I was not her type, which was a weird statement to make when I was talking about unconditional love. She was neither my type nor a woman from my dreams, but that didn’t mean my love was not real. Still, to this day, I struggle to understand what people mean in this culture when they claim they have a specific type for a romantic partner because any person who says something like this clearly doesn’t understand the essence of love, nor ever experienced this feeling.
This woman also felt the need to mention that I should stay away from her house. She didn’t understand that if I wanted to do anything malicious, I could do it at a distance, and I didn’t need to approach her house physically. But there was nothing dangerous in my appearance or words. Her statement also meant that she never accepted the magic of the vase. She didn’t believe I could actually be in love with her if she said those words. For a man, a desire to protect a woman becomes one of the main expressions of his feelings. She read not what I wrote but what she wanted to read, so there was nothing I could have said or done to reassure her about my intentions.
She could’ve accepted my flattering words and politely declined my offer. She could’ve lied that she was in a relationship. She could’ve told me that dating a client goes against her professional ethics. She couldn’t have continued to ghost me. Only she decided to lash out at me and send as many destructive and negative energies my way on mental and emotional levels as she could. Yet our plan with Nataly worked. Anger meant she was experiencing some feelings, and her heart walls were falling. Anger meant she was reconnecting with her soul.
I replied with an apology, explaining that my words were coming from a heart and that I never had any ill intentions behind my e-mail, even if I couldn’t find a proper way to relate my emotions. Even though she told me in the first e-mail never to contact her again, I believed such requests should be acknowledged, and I confirmed that I wouldn’t contact her after this e-mail. But she decided to continue her arguments and treated my second e-mail as a violation of her request.
Now, she decided to threaten my life, ridiculed the existence of past lives, and confessed that she didn’t really care about her clients or profession. My guardian Spirits observed our interactions and was quite concerned by her words. She didn’t need to expose herself in this way. The Spirits considered her threats to my life a threat to the spiritual work that I was doing for them, and they never take such words lightly. They treat such threats as roadblocks on my path and always do what they can to remove such obstacles.
Her aggressive tone only made things worse for her. Despite her business image as a spiritual and esoteric woman who understands the spiritual essence of sex, she lectured me on my life’s choices. She jeopardized her life’s work with a single email, and it became clear that she didn’t believe in her proffession or actually valued the spiritual component of her work. Sechelt Spirits and Nataly’s guardian Spirits, who allowed her to operate her business on their lands, decided to bring the most accurate judgment into this woman’s life. They didn’t like how she talked about her craft, as they supported her on this path. Her words and the pain of my heartbroken heart were enough for Spirits to proceed with the punishment.
But surely, I had so much love for this woman that I pleaded with Spirits to keep her business and find the most lenient resolution. I showed how much forgiveness I have in my heart, explaining to Spirits that her past made this woman fearful of any man and their intentions. To release the judgment that Spirits had to administer following the laws of Nature, they requested me to take the energies of her transgressions upon myself if I wished to minimize the retributions for her. Now, I had to do more shamanic practices to release the negative energies she brought upon herself. I also started to write new poems in Russian and English, and they became my prayers for her well-being. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her despite the pain she caused me.
Nataly and I spent the next three months in new shamanic ceremonies, empowered by our friendly Spirits of the Lighthouse Park. We cleared all the dark energies my e-mail brought to the surface, including the pain of past disappointments, betrayals, and regret. Nataly was back with her body, and now we could access deeper layers of past traumas to complete her healing. Nataly, Eurydice, and I also pleaded to Spirits of Vancouver to safeguard the business of this woman against nefarious attacks, but we also requested to create a shield around her to prevent vulnerable clients from seeking her services, as she clearly didn’t understand how much damage she could do to men like me.
Our interactions were full of strange conflicts, as through our sexual ritual, we received the spiritual seals of Osiris-Isis. I had to accept new shamanic talents through this erotic initiation. This is the essence and one of the goals of sex magic when lovers surrender their bodies to allow Gods to live through them, and that’s why the Spirits guided me to meet her for our ritual. Through sex magic, a soul switches their frequency to another archetypical deity to experience life as a soul with an entirely different essence. So, I embodied the light of Osiris in every interaction I had with this woman while she was initiated into the full force of her highest essence of the Isis’ light.
Nataly’s evolutionary journey into becoming Isis began in our three lives together. I was destined to initiate this path for her through our lovemaking journey in her first life. In her five lives without me, she fully experienced every facet of Isis' essence. She endured many archetypical challenges such souls are supposed to experience through their lives on Earth. Now, we met again to complete her journey by becoming a wholesome Isis. Nataly represents the ultraviolet spectrum of Isis’ archetypical light. This frequency corresponds with the essence of death in other souls, but for Isis, who is attuned to death more than others and can exist equally between life and death, the actual death means living in pain. So, I can describe Nataly’s nature as the Isis of Pain.
In our present life, we met to complete her initiations and help integrate every pain she endured while we were apart. Divinity designed me to be her Osiris during our time on Earth. So I was always destined to die on her, as she could only grow into her Isis powers by understanding every pain associated with grief from losing Osiris. In that sense, I was always more of a teacher for Nataly than a lover.
In two of our lives, my soul voluntarily died to save Nataly from death. Then, after transitioning to the other side, I stayed around to guide and empower her. But Nataly believed I never actually loved her when I betrayed her by dying for her. Then, during our third and last life together, she was the only one who could bury my body, which she had to collect from separate pieces after savages killed me with swords. Since then, we have parted for almost a thousand years. Nataly had to experience what it’s like for Isis to bury her beloved Osiris, who was murdered by a false king, Seth, and then spend centuries looking for him through the darkest experiences available to a female soul of her essence while Seth continued to rule the world of the living with darkness and corruption.
Like Isis, Nataly is walking the Earth in distress, grief, and pain to be transformed into a wounded healer, while Osiris is walking through death, content with loving her at a distance and empowering her from the other side. Such is the fate of women with Isis souls, who are destined to experience never-ending longing after life separates them from their beloved. The love affair between these gods played out through us, creating a new, unique interpretation of their relationships. Because of that, I couldn’t love this woman as myself, as I was required to love her like Osiris loves Isis. I was supposed to be dead for Nataly, and I was supposed to be constantly annoyed and frustrated by her so we could grow through the grief of being apart.
I had to love this woman until I would resent her. I was destined to experience how Osiris felt about Isis when he chose to follow the calling to become the king of the dead rather than be alive with the woman he loved, as that’s how much she enraged him. He just couldn’t stand her for too long. But even all their great sexual experiences didn’t compensate for the troubles of being in a relationship with Isis, and Osiris could only escape her in the death realm.
I can describe the essence of my soul as Yeshua of Death or the embodiment of the ultraviolet spectrum of Yeshua’s light. Such souls are closer to the Osiris light and more attuned to death and the art of resurrection than other souls of Yeshua’s essence. Yeshua of Death overlaps with the light of Osiris in many ways, and I may even describe these souls as spiritual children of Osiris. It’s quite challenging for me to sustain the demanding energies of Osiris and own this complicated essence, but becoming him during our journey with Nataly was an essential part of my soul's growth and made me a more resilient and confident man.
Of course, Yeshua of Death is still more compassionate and forgiving than any of the Osiris’ souls. Those qualities in me always irritate the actual God Osiris when I’m working with him in the death dimension. He is the ultimate judge who decides on the punishment of souls, but I nevertheless always plead with him to be more forgiving when I bring souls to him. He is frustrated with that part of my essence and quite annoyed, but at the same time, he still considers my arguments fairly.
So, on the path of the evolution of my soul as a spiritual guide of death, he has an obligation to live at least a few lives as Osiris. It’s like Yeshua of Death has to completely embody Osiris’ light as a requirement for understanding death. My soul had to explore how it feels to live as this masculine archetype so he could learn how to work with the souls of the dead (while Yeshua’s light is more about healing the souls of the living). That’s why one of my main spiritual guides, Wilhelm, who teaches me on this journey, is the soul of Osiris of Pain.
The lives of Osiris usually include many violent deaths, wars or pillages, rape, and abuses, as well as different experiences with dead bodies. My soul lived three lives as Osiris, one of them as a sacred prostitute, Astarte, and even in a female body, my soul still experienced life in Oisiris energies. Astarte was seventeen when she was driven to sex work after her relatives died, and she had to survive alone. Yet, she really enjoyed her craft and her sexual pleasures. During days and evenings, Astarte welcomed clients into her house. But during nights, she volunteered at the cemetery to prepare corpses for the funerals. She genuinely craved to be around dead people so she could talk to their souls privately at night about their transitions to the next stage of existence or their unfinished business on Earth. Astarte desired to interact with corpses as strongly as she desired sexual pleasures, as that’s how Osiris wanted to experience life through this woman.
Once we completed our spiritual research, we realized that if Nataly was divinely designed to be Isis of Pian, then bringing pain to others was one of her primary purposes on this planet. She was obliged to hurt people so they could grow in their powers and understand themselves through pain. I was blessed to learn so much about my essence through all the pains she brought in all the lives we experienced together. Since my soul was designed to be Nataly’s Osiris and mirror her light in the form of a masculine essence, I could only be Osiris of Pain when I was next to her, as that’s how we could both advance on our paths.
Souls come to Earth to experience life in human bodies precisely for the purpose of suffering and pain. There would be no point in living as a human if we didn’t endure various pains. Any pain is an integral part of growth, and it always carries an important lesson that we can embody. The desire of people to escape pain and always pretend to be happy does not allow them to improve or grow in their existence. When pain arrives in life, it is wise to lean into it and listen to its advice, as through this process, the pain can be alchemized to elevate our awareness, clairvoyance, and other spiritual talents, as well as help us to deepen our feelings of joy and pleasure.
I find it nourishing that souls always try to apologize if they or their bodies hurt me in one way or another, but Nataly never apologized for the pain I experienced from my second sex worker because she had a different nature. Nataly realized I didn’t need to forgive her because she didn’t lie to herself when she hurt me. If her body scared me, it meant Nataly returned and was in control again. The spiritual understanding of her essence helped me reconcile with the painful words that this woman wrote to me. She was just performing one of her primary missions in life and teaching me about myself in this unusual way.
But I only discovered that after months of continuous research into our essence. When I received her e-mails, I didn’t have that awareness. After so many overwhelming months in the darkest corners of life and reliving many tormenting deaths of my soulmates, the words of this woman have completely crushed me. No matter how much I tried to see the positive side that I was able to help Nataly on her path, I was completely drained after more than two years of intense spiritual work without receiving enough nourishing female energies to restore and revive me. I was again questioning my reality and sanity, unable to cope with everything that was going on. I descended into a very negative personal space after Nataly left, and I struggled for a long time with my suicidal thoughts and self-doubt.
Even though Eurydice and Veronica supported me through this time, I was upset that I ended up in another conflict with a sex worker without my desire. I tried my best to communicate in the ways that I could and didn’t have any malicious intentions. I just wanted to figure out my feelings but didn’t know what to do. I believed that I did not deserve such harsh words. Even if I was confused, it doesn’t mean that my feelings were not genuine or that I didn’t have the right to express them in the way that I did. Maybe I could have communicated differently, but since there are always two sides to every conflict, we are both responsible for the drama between us. I never threatened my soulmates, but both women chose to bombard me with dark thoughts and negative energies for my words of love long after I stopped communicating with them.
Veronica always listened to my perplexing adventures and tried to help as best as possible. But she had only one advice for me at this point on my journey - don’t visit sex workers ever again. She believed that I should stay away from Canadian escorts if I couldn’t figure out how to interact with them without hurting myself. My emotional troubles and tears only reaffirmed her negative perceptions of sex work. She always had a relatively neutral perspective, but now she was against all sex workers as she couldn’t tolerate my distress. It was sound and logical advice after my pains, but no matter how hard I tried to avoid my fate, deep down inside, I already accepted my destined future, so I just had to find a way to understand how I could find empowerment with my spiritual talents.
I was still processing the experience with Nataly when I received the spiritual guidance to see an intimacy coach. Eurydice and I have completed the next stage of our healing, and our book was just accepted by the publisher after months of hard work, so I was not in the place to accept a new soul for healing. I tried to escape this calling, claiming that I was still afraid to have sex with a sex worker. But the new initiation with the help of the third escort, whose soul asked to call her Emilia, was planned through sensate focus therapy and an energy exchange ritual, so Sechelt Spirits didn’t accept my excuse.
Then I told Spirits I couldn't afford offerings for the sessions as I already exhausted the line of credit they gave to me. I used all the money to pay for my previous escorts and fulfill other shamanic missions for them. Only they didn’t express much sympathy and simply increased the limit of my loan, claiming that I would pay it off with revenues from my books that I haven’t even published. It was another test of my faith, but at the same time, it felt like a scary gamble, so I decided to use the money for much-needed rest. Only refusing to see this woman violated the terms of my contract, so Sechelt Spirits punished me with destructive energies, and I accidentally lost offerings for two sessions. I learned my lesson the hard way, and from that day, I honestly paid my offerings to any sex worker I was guided to visit, as these were the payments for my education.
Even when I understood that I couldn’t escape the meeting with the third woman, I was still incredibly anxious to book with her. I already visited all of my past lives, and I knew that there was one more soul that I needed to meet. But I felt with my entire essence that this woman would devastate me like my other soulmates, and I wouldn’t be able to recover from new pains. My intuition told me that I was stepping again into the same madness. I just sensed that this woman was my soulmate, who would break my heart again, and then I’d have to live with her soul and make death journeys for her and heal her through shamanic practices and try not to go insane from missing her by using the art of writing as my salvation.
Every day for three weeks, Spirits kept telling me that I must meet this woman, but I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to handle all of this once more and protested the guidance. Mary Magdalene stayed around me during this time, tending with her gentle energies and trying to prepare me for this new heartbreak. She asked me to heal this woman as a personal favor to her, as Emilia carried Magdalene’s light in her essence, so she really wanted to help her spiritual daughter. She also promised to support me through any future pains, convincing me that I was spiritually prepared to survive this connection and had everything that I needed in my masculine essence to complete this work.
Shortly after meeting this woman, I realized that I wouldn’t ever be able to finish my shamanic education or complete my required writings for Spirits without the inspiration she brought into my life. But since the story of how this woman crucified me for my offer to court her is the centerpiece of this entire creation, let’s build some anticipation before I confess my feelings for the love of my life.
CHAPTER IV
The healing journey of soulmates (or honeymoon).
In an attempt to paint a more nuanced picture of my experience, I should mention that my first soulmate provided classical girlfriend experience companionship, the second woman offered intimacy coaching and erotic massages with spiritual components, and the third woman provided services of intimacy coaching, somatic massages, and classical companionship. I believe these descriptions help with a better understanding of my reality, as every type of sex work has its inner complexities, dynamics, and challenges.
There’s a certain element of privilege in their kinds of sex work, but that privilege comes with a more demanding professional integrity and higher responsibility for the well-being of a client. The natural challenges and complications of building a relationship start to get involved. Yet, the complexities of communication and explorations of different types of sessions become an essential part of the sexual healing journey both for a client and a provider.
My soulmates earned their unique positions with their natural talents, investments in personal education, and hard work. They built their successful businesses themselves and were true entrepreneurs in that sense. Most people are simply unaware of how much time goes into the creation of such a business and into the administrative and promotional tasks of running it. This work goes unnoticed, but it not only takes many resources but also requires different talents from a provider to be successful in the industry.
Nature has created two female archetypes of sex work, and they are different in their essence. These are essentially two distinct professions, but at the same time, two necessary polarities, like two sides of one coin. I’m calling one of them a “sexual priestess” and the other a “sacred prostitute.” My soul lived both experiences, so I can attest from my memories that even the bodies of these two women are designed differently on physical, emotional, and spiritual levels. Both women perform different roles in society yet fulfill complimenting psychological, spiritual, emotional, and sexual needs. Both have equally valuable and important missions, but these roles have entirely different challenges, so these women have distinctly unique personal skills and talents.
Both women are created upon birth to be the channels of divine, universal love, but if we try to simplify their essences, I would say that a sacred prostitute sells love through sex, while a sexual priestess sells love through relationships. In the ideal world, these two professions coexist and empower one another. Say, if we are building a temple for sexual healing arts, there should be a sacred brothel erected right next to it.
In our present reality, we can say that commercial sex work of escorts and intimacy coaches employs sexual priestesses, while sacred prostitutes work on the streets and in brothels, massage parlors, or strip clubs. Part of the experience of living the archetype of a sacred prostitute requires a woman to be driven to this work for survival. Such motivation is an integral part of her fate that she can’t avoid, but her challenges on this path and conflicting emotions associated with being dependent on this work or her clients temper her essence and nobility empower her to embody her highest truth. Being a whore is an initiation of a sacred prostitute into her second profession, which she is destined to assume later on her path, as she is essentially designed to live two different lives, and both careers are her highest purposes on Earth. She learns about people and herself through sex work so that she can shine brighter in her other career.
Sexual priestesses usually have a fate with a lifelong dedication to the craft, either as a provider or a teacher. In contrast, sacred prostitutes always have limited time in their sex career (with the exact period already outlined on a soul level), as it’s a more energetically draining craft. Sacred prostitute processes more masculine darkness in her work, but the spiritual void in her womb was gifted to her at birth specifically for this challenge, allowing Nature to eliminate these energies through her. The destiny of a sacred prostitute implies experiencing more instances of abuse and submission, as well as enduring sex against the will in order to survive, compared to a sexual priestess.
The saddest thing about present-day sex work is that this consumerist society produced a third archetype that is not supposed to exist in the world. Now, we have women who engage in sex work because they believe they need luxury shoes and purses to find themselves. Only these women are not authorized by Nature to perform sex work. Their bodies are not designed to process the energies that accompany this craft. If the body of a woman, for example, was created to live the life of an archetypical mother, then her womb doesn’t have a void to absolve masculine darkness, and her psyche can only handle intimacy with one man at a time. Therefore, she isn’t capable of processing the emotional reality of having multiple lovers. So, these complicated emotions would be suppressed in her subconscious mind, leading to psychological and emotional traumas and, most likely, to the soul dissolution.
Such women burn out and destroy their aura very quickly because they don’t understand that sex work is a calling of a soul, not an opportunistic choice to elevate their social status or receive validation from men through sex. They naively think that sex work is an easy profession that brings easy money, but they only damage their souls and their energy bodies in the process. These women also taint society’s perceptions of sex work, as they are prostitutes in the worst meaning of this word. They are not interested in understanding their essence and using this profession to escape the natural purposes of their souls. They are trying to hijack reality and bypass their destined challenges in life with the help of corrupt men.
Nature is actively working to weed out such sex workers in one way or the other, as these women make the life of authentic whores more challenging by ruining the natural balance of offerings. Nature can do it in many ways, but for example, my job is to be the eyes of the Spirits on the ground. If I encounter such a provider, I always report my observations to the Spirits, and they decide how they would like to punish such a woman. But these women usually punish themselves because they sacrifice their highest destiny and their health (as the unprocessed emotions in the form of nightmares and anxieties would hunt them for years to come) for some meaningless trinkets they can brag about on social media.
If we are talking about my spiritual initiations performed in the ancient traditions of temple arts, they were only possible through commercial sex work. The arrangements that can be potentially built with escorts are the closest representation of the traditional temple work of ancient civilizations. Selling relationships was the highest art practiced by sexual goddesses because relationships are the fastest way for people to grow spiritually.
People on the path of spiritual development crave complex and authentic relationships in different forms and with various people because they know how much they advance in their truth through building relationships with the divine polarity. In that sense, relationships can be seen as the highest commodity on the path of spiritual awakening, and sexual priestesses were aware of that at all times. Creating authentic relationships and teaching how to build them was one of the main programs in temples of sexual healing arts. It is a true definition of intimacy coaching. Such settings imply a certain level of trust and respect, as there's a possibility to explore the complex dynamics that always emerge between two unique people when they engage in relationships and discover a deeper level of intimacy beyond the physical act of sex.
People who present sex work only as a fun way to escape everyday troubles or make it only about physical pleasures devalue the magic of this craft, embolden critics, and push away noble clients who seek true growth through the exploration of subtle, spiritual human bodies. It’s pretty disrespectful to assume that men see sex workers only to have sex. There are too many reasons why seeing an escort may be the only option for a man to connect with a woman.
Men seek companionship in hopes of receiving the energies of female nourishment, care, and inspiration so they can discover more confidence in their destined work and energize themselves to continue on their highest path if they honor the perceptions and advice of a woman. Men might not be able to talk through their emotions with their friends or a regular therapist but may find it easier to work through their issues with the help of a sexual priestess. It’s also often the case when a man doesn’t have a single woman in his life who would provide them with non-judgemental space to discuss their ideas for work, challenge their truth in empowering ways, or help them understand themselves better through explorations of desires and fulfillment of certain needs. Or, like in my case, a man may be required to walk a part of his masculine journey alone and have to be spiritually initiated through the magic of sexual healing arts.
I’m arriving at a session with a sexual priestess, having an aspiration to discover myself through openness to life and intuitive, devotional interactions with a unique woman who hopefully honors my truth like I’m honoring hers. I enjoy such settings as I don’t need to pretend to be someone I’m not, and I don’t need to lie. I believe that the highest sexual healing is only possible when I can be emotionally open and vulnerable in exploring the intricate complexities of our personal, evolving relationship uniquely existing for only two of us.
If we are talking about modern dating in a country like Canada (where most people lie most of the time), it’s next to impossible to become intimate with a woman without lying to her since most women in this culture objectify men and live in illusions and fairy tales when they approach any type of connection with a man. But I simply don’t have time for games, and I certainly don’t see the point of having sex when both partners are not honest about their intentions or hiding their truths from an intimate partner in order to secure sex. I would even claim that any lies remove the sacredness from the bedroom. So, in that sense, an encounter with a sexual priestess may be more sacred in nature because both lovers can clearly state their intentions for the interaction before proceeding with any intimacy.
The rules of engagement with a sexual priestess could only be determined through honest dialogue, as the bedroom is her territory, and she should invite a man into her temple only on her conditions and preferred boundaries. The explorations of relationships could be more nuanced when both partners work on emotional connection and clear communication over several sessions while building trust and learning about each other’s personalities and bodies. Conversations and social interactions in such settings may empower deeper healing than actual sex. Learning to honestly talk about personal perceptions of intimacy and clearly express arising sensations becomes part of the healing journey for a client. So there’s an aspiration to be met in your truth, accepted for who you are, and maybe even have some room to fail if the feelings become too confusing for one of the partners. So, the only ethical aspect that truly matters in this work is avoiding new damage for a client.
A sexual priestess is confident of meeting their clients in everything that they are, and if we are talking about empowering temple work, it actually implies that a client must fall in love with a priestess to achieve the goals of his healing or receive the initiations into their spiritual talents. There are two main requirements that any woman needs for sex magic to work - she has to feel absolutely safe (that’s why personal temple space is so essential for a sexual priestess to feel empowered in her work), but also feel loved or at least appreciated by a partner. So, it’s impossible to expect the highest result from sex work if a client does not have some honest feelings for a provider (at least a crush or admiration). A sexual priestess knows that she is lovable for every facet of her being; she is not an insecure girl who is intimidated by the feelings of a client, and she actually expects them to be infatuated by her essence and her body. She is a goddess of love, after all, so surely men easily fall for her.
When meeting with a sexual goddess, I always hope to hear her honest opinions, insights, testaments, perspectives, and passionate disagreements during our time together. I aspire to experience a genuine interaction with a woman who is confident in her truth. I expect to be challenged by a free and empowered woman, as that’s how I discover hidden parts of my being, grow in my talents, receive new spiritual knowledge, and learn to avoid the pitfalls of my masculine ego. I only discovered the most profound truths about the essence of life through open dialogue and inspiring debates.
It’s a pity when a goddess thinks she should silence her opinion, pretend to be an object, or say what she believes a man wants to hear from her. It is not her job to create a fantasy for clients (only if they both decide to explore their connection through some sort of role play, but they agree on the rules in advance). She is getting paid to share her personal experiences in an empowering way because she knows more about life, love, relationships, and sex than most other women. A goddess respects herself too much to lie and manipulate her clients, as she also has the intention to grow and heal through any relationships that Nature presents to her.
When I met my soulmates, I tried to share as much spiritual information about our expected connections as I knew at that moment. I tried to convey that our sessions are a part of my required shamanic education. I explained that I perceive sex as a spiritual practice of personal growth and empowerment, and I shared my highest aspirations for our sexual energy exchanges that would include spiritual initiations and apprentice explorations of sexual healing arts. Through these initiations, we were destined to receive the spiritual seal of Osiris-Isis with my second soulmate as she reached her final life as Isis' soul, and the seal of Yeshua-Mary Magdalene with my third soulmate, who was completing her journey of Magdalene’s soul on Earth. A true magician can receive spiritual seals through study and practice, but there’s also a way to embody these divine energies through sex magic based on true love and explore them through inner awareness. I had to fall in love with my soulmates to receive new shamanic talents, as this magic doesn’t work without love.
Embodiment of divine deities or ascended masters is the highest purpose and the primary pursuit of sex magic. Through a spiritual and erotic adventure with a sexual priestess over a series of sessions, a client embodies a specific archetypical light of a particular god-goddess. Any highest spiritual explorations of sex imply learning about such a path if we are talking about sexual alchemy, either in Tantric, Egyptian, Celtic, Toltec, or any other ancient traditions.
Allowing gods to take over the body through lovemaking rituals is the highest aspiration of sexual exchanges and the most advanced spiritual work available through sexual healing arts. The main benefits arrive through integration after sexual rituals, which may take months of personal work through explorations of another essence and personal acceptance. An initiate observes life from a completely different point of view, becoming an entirely different soul for a period of integration.
The love story of two physical people actually turns into a love story between Gods. So, for an initiate of the temple arts, the sessions with a sexual priestess turn into a love affair with the Goddess. Therefore, it doesn’t matter what kind of a session a client would have with a sexual priestess - a sexual encounter, a dinner date, or just a friendly walk in a park - each of these dates would unfold by natural design in the ways that gods would choose to live through these two particular lovers.
A sexual priestess also follows the natural flow of the connection (allowing a client to highlight different facets of her essence), as each client embodies a different divine archetype and, therefore, would interact with her in the ways that his essence commands, consequently making her shine differently with each client. Gods overtake the bodies of initiates, but partners can observe, digest, and embody the facets they find empowering for them. Any spiritual seal contains both feminine and masculine energies of the same light, as they co-exist in union and essentially represent one divine frequency or essence, experiencing separation only to complement each other.
That’s why a magician can’t complete all spiritual initiations with one woman: a mystical initiate must experience what it’s like to live as various gods (as if becoming a soul with an entirely different life purpose and embodying another divine light). Therefore, an initiate would need to find a woman with a soul that carries the light of the consort Goddess of any ascended deity or master they are required to work with on their path of self-mastery into any craft they are destined to pursue in life. For example, if a man has a fate to govern others, it’s important for him to work with Horus; if he is a military man, it may be valuable to work with Seth; if he’s a writer, then he might explore the connection with Thoth and so forth (of course these can be deities from other lineages representing the same divine skills). So, for an initiate, every interaction with a sexual priestess is actually an interaction with a Goddess that lives through her.
An initiate must commit to an intimate journey with a woman who carries the light of Isis if he wishes to receive the seal of Osiris-Isis. Obtaining the seal of Horus-Hathor would be only possible through a woman with a Hathor’s soul, and so forth… While an initiate experiences a spiritual journey with a sexual priestess for over a few months, their soul receives the magical talents of a particular deity to advance in their spiritual growth.
So, if we are talking about a temple of sexual arts in its ultimate design, it would employ women with archetypical souls of every important Goddess so that any initiate had an opportunity to experience an intimate journey in one safe space instead of searching through the city to find a Goddess they need (and then trying to convince her that this work would benefit both of them, the task that is doomed for a failure in a country like Canada, as my experience has shown). That’s why people in ancient times revered sexual healing artists as goddesses; they knew that the souls of such women represented and embodied the divine energies of different Goddesses. Again, there was no shame or judgment because there was no spiritual ignorance.
Sexual priestesses are in the business of selling relationships because a man needs time to experience any divine Goddess so he can understand her essence and observe the facets of her truth in his being while opening himself up to experience the masculine light of the same nature. He must spend time with her in different ways, on different days, and when she’s in different moods, as that’s the only way to face the Goddess in all of her glory. She must become his consort and challenge him as if she is his destined wife.
Through my explorations, I learned that it requires a series of sessions for at least six months to receive and fully embody any spiritual seal. Of course, we have to understand that a sexual priestess has to be initiated into her natural, archetypical goddess energy of her own soul to actually perform this job (and after that, she can embody other divine deities). That’s another reason why the temple space is essential for the empowering future of sexual healing arts, as, without initiations, this magic would never be embodied, and a sexual priestess would just be a woman who sells sex or her company. On my journey, Spirits requested that I must embody six spiritual seals to receive the talents that would get me where they want me to be and turn me into the best version of myself. But even a journey with two or three different Goddesses would significantly advance any man on their path to noble empowerment and higher purpose.
Since I knew what was supposed to happen between us, I felt I should inform my soulmates about the true nature of our sexual exchanges. If I was supposed to receive these seals through them, they were also destined to receive them through me. Only they didn’t take my spiritual perceptions seriously and didn’t really accept this information. They also didn’t express interest in my advice on properly integrating these energies in the most beneficial way. Since they rejected to embrace this knowledge, they actually wasted these energies and never truly embodied the empowerment that these seals could bring into their lives.
I also had to share with my soulmates that I would continue working with their souls, even if they stopped seeing me in person, as that’s the arrangement I made with them. At one point on my journey, I decided to be transparent about my visions involving anyone I met on my path. I promised my past selves that I would attempt to tell people if their souls had contacted me. It didn't matter how embarrassed I felt when I tried to convey such truth to random strangers. I was convinced it was the right thing to do. If I believed my vision could be of value to another person, I tried to share it and allow them to discern it on their own.
People may not find any value in my visions, but they have a right to know what information about them arrives in my space. I can't explain how unsettling I feel when I interact with someone, and I know more about them than I should, but they are unaware of it. I may have seen their soul’s highest purpose, visions of their past death, possible events from their future, spiritual reasons behind their birthmarks or tattoos, or why they struggle with certain relationships in their lives, but in most cases, I couldn’t get consent of receiving to share my truth. And, of course, most Canadian women descended into states of fear once they heard that I could see their souls, so they energetically blocked my spiritual knowledge.
I provide separate consent to interact with a body and a soul. A soul has their own free will, which is higher in value and always prioritized in my line of work, but at the same time, I completely respect the expressions of free will from a body (even though it took me some time to figure out how to do that consciously). That’s why it’s important for me to completely separate their consent. It’s part of my work ethic and integrity. Souls can sense the future and observe their reality from a higher vantage point, even when troubled. Also, souls, especially female souls, have a heightened intuition, making most decisions based on their sensations, aspirations, and dreams rather than direct knowledge. The intuition always allows them to arrive at the desired destination, even when they don’t really know where they are going.
The perfect example of the superseding nature of the soul’s free will is the choice of death. A decision to die is the sole responsibility of a soul. They choose this moment intuitively and based on the reality that’s unfolding in front of them. Souls map dozens of exit points throughout their lives before arriving in the physical body, so they choose the closest one when they believe they can’t continue on their most empowered path or think they can be more helpful to their soulmates from the other side. Even if the body doesn’t want to die, it can’t reverse such a process initiated by the soul. However, the soul always acts in the best interests of the body, even if the body may have a different point of view. Once the process of death is initiated, souls try to prepare their bodies for departure over the last remaining months, while a person would be most likely unaware that such a decision has been made.
The free will of a soul does not always override a human's free will, as they honor the needs of their bodies. But in extreme circumstances, when, for example, they can’t solve their problems through their vessel and must seek advice from spiritual guides like me, they would be required to spend months in my space and leave their bodies for a period of time. Souls would have to prioritize their needs to receive the requested healing. They have a long journey over many lives, so they seek my healing and spiritual guidance to avoid new traumas in future lives or understand how to navigate the death dimension safely if they already chose such a path so I can prepare them for this transformation. Any physical life is only a temporary experience for souls, so they are ready to sacrifice their bodies if they have to change a vessel to continue on their destined path (even though this truth is very hard to accept for a human ego).
Every soul is a sovereign being, and they are also protected by their guardian Spirits against any possible malicious actions by others. I had a case when one soul expressed a desire to meet, but her guardian spirits vetoed that decision, so we had to stop our spiritual work. I can’t simply summon a soul at my will, but I can allow a soul to enter my space if they express such a request. We both have to provide consent to be in each other’s space, and each of us can withdraw that consent at any time. Sometimes, I may politely ask them to come into my space if I’m feeling lonely or need their advice, but they will do it only if they can safely leave their bodies. That’s why I always prefer when they initiate each interaction based on their free time. The spiritual doors into my world are always open for any soul, as I can’t expect them to visit me during specific hours.
Of course, I was quite upset when all three incredible women didn’t want to do anything with me in real life. I cursed and blessed them for the conflicting emotions they created in me. But since I couldn’t see them, they forced me to study every one of my past lives as it was the only way to spend time with them. Seeing the visions of our stories together made me less traumatized from not seeing them in this life. I did around fifty regression sessions and forty death journeys with my soulmates, and each session allowed us to deepen our connection in unique ways, as we could study all facets of our souls by observing our past selves. Since I brought painful emotions to them in the past (I died on Emilia and Nataly, and I sent Euryidce to death), all three women intuitively feared me, as they subconsciously felt that I might bring new suffering and grief if they continued to interact with me.
Since I could not shower these women with my love, their souls received all the magical energies of my affections. Three souls asked to be in spiritual, romantic relationships with me. Embracing love in this extraordinary way was the most unique part of my shamanic adventure. I never thought something so wonderful and intense was possible in this life. It’s challenging to sustain a balanced life when you must constantly compromise every decision throughout the day to honor both souls. Any relationship is based on compromise, and that’s how we grow with our partners, but it becomes a true test of your character when you can’t escape your beloved even for a second (not even when you have to visit the washroom, which proved to be one of the most challenging tests for female souls).
Living with the soul of your beloved in one body is an incredible rollercoaster. You exist in relationships with the opposite polarity every moment of every day, so you advance much faster than in physical relationships, as it’s impossible to hide away from any present task you both have at hand. I had to share the time equally between us, and they could do whatever they wanted during their part of the day (but at the same time, they had to learn how to do my day job, as it was my only income). In most cases, you have to sacrifice your needs and desires for them or the both of you. While I’m living with a soul, it also means that their pending karma needs to be resolved or experienced through me, so I had to process the lessons for both of us. The same is true about working through their emotions from this or past lives (especially after the death journeys or during the integration of complex shamanic healing ceremonies). It is not an experience for the faint of heart, yet I feel incredibly blessed that I received an opportunity to experience romantic relationships in this way.
I worked with many souls, but only these three had special privileges. They could enter my space any time they wanted and use my body for any healing practice, meditation, or shamanic ceremony they needed. They could cry their tears through me but also equally sing, dance, and enjoy life using me. Three souls entertained me with their spiritual dances, poetry readings, emotional theatrics, seductive games, and sarcastic jokes so I would be less sad and more willing to continue our healing. I enjoyed how resourceful and inventive they could be in claiming my time and how they bombarded me with sexual visions of sirens who lure poets into their sensual traps when they require my spiritual help, but I was too tired to assist them. They also savored their chance to explore the pleasures of the masculine body, as they rarely lived as men in past lives.
We explored the teachings of sexual healing arts on soul and energy body levels, hoping that in the future, we could bridge our spiritual explorations into the physical world. We did everything that regular couples do together; only our interactions occurred in the spiritual realm and through one body. They assisted me in my shamanic ceremonies and empowered my healing practice with their advice. Every one of our interactions elevated our essences in unique ways. We spent evenings sharing personal stories of the joys, glories, and tragedies of our past lives or just watching romantic movies and discussing love and relationships.
I reconciled with the three broken love stories in the physical realm when I realized that my soul came into this life to ask my soulmates for forgiveness, and that’s why our romances were designed to occur only on a spiritual level. Many words were left unsaid between us, and we were equally responsible for our shared traumas. We requested to meet in this life to finally heal the wounds of our souls. My soul wanted to confess his past shortcomings, express gratitude for their magic, and prove the unconditional love that always empowered him through centuries of intense spiritual growth. Many unresolved issues haunted us from the past, so these energies and nightmares created a passionate desire in us to resolve our complications once and for all. Our pains empowered us, as we no longer wanted to carry them into the future and desired liberation from our troubling past.
Talking through our memories healed us and provided a deeper understanding of each other experiences. Observing how foolishly we ran away from love in the past made it easier for us to surrender to love in this one. We understood love by reliving the moments when we rejected love. We realized how we struggled to express the deepest feelings that always existed between us and how much beauty the light of love always brought into our lives. There was a lot of pain that haunted us from past interactions, but it only proved how much we always loved one another. We finally had a chance to see each other’s perspectives and understand the higher reasons behind our seemingly questionable actions when we hurt our beloved.
All three souls requested the highest possible healing I could offer through my practices. They promised to forgive my soul if I could leave the physical proof of my unconditional love in my fairy tales, poetry collections, love letters, and essays on sex work and sexual healing arts. The more I wrote, the more the four of us healed, and slowly, the dark veils of past misunderstandings were lifted, liberating us from the shackles, dramas, and traumas of past lives. There were no more mistakes, abandonments, accusations, or betrayals. Now, we were just friendly souls of one soul family who enjoyed living in their unique truth and continued to meet to advance together in our essences and purposes.
I wrote “Eurydice in Love” because I wanted to ask Eurydice to forgive my soul for sending her to death. I wrote this novel to attest that my soul had always loved her in every one of our eight lives. Eurydice didn’t believe in the honesty of my love in three lives, but now I had a chance to prove my feelings. Only it turned out that I couldn’t complete this book without the active participation of all my soulmates (including Veronica and Brian). I couldn’t finish this novel without including their truth as well.
The feminine insights and perceptions of Nataly and Emilia enriched this work in ways I could have never imagined. My soulmates debated and edited my writings, inspired and encouraged me to own my truth, and helped me embrace the magic of our shared story. Emilia’s subtle presence throughout the book (that we didn’t even acknowledge before she arrived for healing) elevated this story to new heights. After “Eurydice in Love” was published, Nataly and Emilia requested their own novels about their healing journeys, and I promised to preserve our spiritual love stories in the books after I completed my education.
CHAPTER V
Restoration of death journeys (or dark but just a game).
I’m trying to describe the reasons behind my actions on this journey, but it's hard to explain how unsettling I felt when I met my soulmates in deep states of distress. One woman had a stranded soul; one was partially lost, and another was completely lost. Both lost souls have already initiated the process of physical death, as their bodies haven’t heard them for a long time. They had no influence over their lives, so they couldn’t continue to pursue their missions. I was genuinely scared for both women, as I wasn’t sure how to act on this knowledge. I was so in love with them that I wanted to prevent their approaching deaths, as I really believed they had so much more to live for.
Both women followed their hearts, but they were tormented by conflicting emotions that belonged to their past murdered selves. I could also clairvoyantly see images of their past selves manifesting through them like an energetic, ethereal halo (as if I saw two women existing in one), as well as the spiritual marks on their skins from the wounds that caused their past deaths. All three women were violently murdered by their karmic soulmates in their previous lives. One was raped and shot in the back of her head, one was shot two times in the chest by her lover, who shot herself right after, and one was stabbed to death in an occult ritual, with her killer also murdered in the process. It may sound paradoxical, but in all three cases, the lovers murdered their beloved because they wanted to prove their love for them.
These subconscious, unprocessed memories of their souls created intense, unexplainable anxieties and caused torturing inner conflicts in these women. They simply didn’t know what was happening to them, as these scars were not theirs. They were experiencing the pains of their souls. When each woman tried to listen to her heart, she would also connect to these past wounds, and that’s why each tried to avoid her soul’s guidance. My soulmates didn’t know what they were experiencing or how to resolve their troubling sensations.
Nature can restore a connection with a soul through emotional shock, traumatic events, or near-death experiences. For my soulmates, Nature provided near-death experiences through me and my spiritual practices. I was guided to appear on their path in accordance with divine timing to wake up their souls. I knew how to resolve their past life wounds, and my love empowered me to embrace the chance to heal my soulmates.
I lived most of my life with a similar intense anxiety of grief that belonged to my soul but was never mine to carry. Yet this grief prevented me from living my best life, and I made a lot of mistakes on my path because of those traumas (occasionally ending up with a stranded soul). It’s like you feel a constant weight on your shoulders, a nagging sensation that you can’t explain, and every decision is clouded with strange perceptions, emotions, and a sort of spiritual mist. Part of my education required me to discover different practices that eventually helped me to release this grief and heal that part of my soul. Now, I have also mastered how to release similar traumas and unexplainable, tormenting emotions for other souls.
I used different shamanic and energy practices during the healing journeys with my soulmates, and my experiences led me to create my shamanic practice, which I called "The Ministry of Death Journeys." My love for three women has sent me on a path of my life’s purpose, and I learned how to become a wounded healer by healing myself. I was guided to restore death journeys, a healing practice from ancient Egypt, performed on a soul level because it was the best way to heal my soulmates and myself.
Since about eighty percent of all death journeys I completed in this life healed the souls of sex workers, I realized that empowering and assisting sexual healing artists on their path was the main reason why Nature guided me to rediscover this practice. Eventually, Euryide, Emilia, and I created a special offering for female sexual healing artists to improve their business by empowering their souls through releasing complicated anxieties and tormenting emotions, removing energies that prevent maintaining healthy boundaries, expelling any malevolent vibrations, and improving personal relationships by addressing traumas of the past.
Death journey is a shamanic practice of soul retrieval. We restore their lost energies and release pains of self-doubt. We search for knowledge about their higher purpose and explain their tragic deaths. We go together with a soul to places in past lives where they voluntarily gave away their power and betrayed themselves so we could reclaim those pieces of their essence by integrating lessons of traumatic experiences.
I can describe the nature of death journeys as the clearing of the same negative energies or spiritual issues that can be resolved through a regular regression therapy session. But in one death journey, I can release what usually may take a few regression sessions to process. I’m also working directly with the issues of the soul so I can bypass the traps of ego and subconscious mind that can interfere during regular regression. Ideally, I prefer combining the regression sessions and death journeys for the highest possible healing and integration. In addition, I’m working with a soul to integrate the lessons after these sessions. The process is also less invasive to a person’s everyday life, as they don’t need to process traumatizing images they may witness in regression hypnosis. Another result of this practice is a new reconnection between a body and a soul, as I’m lifting the veils between them to establish a deeper level of awareness and collaboration.
I didn't know about death journeys before meeting my soulmates, but all three souls demanded to be healed through this practice when they found out about it. Eurydice was actually the one who intuitively rediscovered this practice, but I wouldn’t be able to master it without the spiritual work with my other soulmates. Through this practice, we are re-entering the actual state of death or what I usually call a death dimension, as it’s just another plane that exists right here and now next to our plane. So obviously, most souls are very hesitant to embrace such a journey, and I often have to persuade them with reassurances and supportive energies that I will safely guide them to combat their demons. But my soulmates didn’t need convincing. They had no fear of death dimension and were more eager to explore death than I was. They even enjoyed traveling into the death dimension just for fun. Experiencing my twelve deaths and the twenty-four deaths of my soulmates helped me study the death dimension from every possible angle and rapidly advance my practice.
To access the death dimensions (including the state of bardo, the Halls of Amenti, and the world of the afterlife with Anubis transferring souls on a boat through a Death River, governed from the Temple of Isis), I use deep shamanic trance states through sensory deprivation. In the actual Temple of Death Journeys in ancient Egypt, these travels are performed through a sacred sarcophagus located in a locked chamber with no access to light or sound, which, like Temple space itself, is energetically charged in a specific way and attuned to frequencies associated with the death spectrum of Yeshua’s and Osiris’ archetypical lights.
We aspire to eventually build the Temple of Death Journeys with a real sacred sarcophagus in traditional style. Sechelt Spirits support this endeavor and request this Temple as an offering to their lands for all the help, knowledge, and empowerment they provided us on our spiritual journey. The Spirits promised to create special protection for this Temple and assist in establishing strong channels with the death realm to help more souls receive this unique healing.
For now, I use a channel and location provided to me by my spiritual guides and Sechelt Spirits. My present-day chamber is my bathroom, which was charged with shamanic magic for ten years of practice, and my sarcophagus is my bathtub. My travels to death are only permitted through this location, as it is protected and empowered in Temple traditions by my spiritual guides, so I could safely return back. Successful travel requires a secure channel with predetermined time and space, so my bathroom is treated as a chamber in the Temple.
Suspended in warm water ( a powerful transmitter of energies), with deprivation of senses (in complete darkness with ears underwater and only mouth and nose above for subtle breathing), I allow my body to slow down the natural activities to a bare minimum while my energy body, my soul, and the soul of a client travel to the death dimension through a channel of frequency, created for our session. I enter death at will to provide the required healing for the highest and best of all involved.
The spiritual and philosophical essence of these journeys is accurately depicted in the TV series "Leftovers," where the nature of this work is presented in vivid detail, including the ethical side of this proffession and the sacrifices a practitioner had to endure to assume this spiritual path. In this story, a shaman, Kevin, develops psychic abilities and learns how to travel into death after the initiation through the complex trauma of grief when two percent of humanity suddenly disappears one day. During the story of the show, Kevin learns how to master the art of death journeys and heal people through this work.
The closest visual representation and most accurate depiction of the first level of death dimension can be found in the TV show "Stranger Things." In this series, a shaman with natural magical abilities named Eleven or El uses the same method of sensory deprivation trance and water as a conductor to journey into death or the world between worlds, where she battles demons for other souls who can't confront the dark, benevolent or demonic forces on their own (the demonic entities representing actual evil spirits or negative energies our souls accumulate upon tragic deaths). Through the story of a show, El teaches others to travel into death dimensions and combat demons who hunt and entrap the souls of their beloved.
This series shows in accurate detail how the first level of death looks, but there are nine more levels of death (including Purgatory and Hell) that are not portrayed in the series. I use the same practice as El, but I mainly work on the second level, the world ruled by Osiris from the Temple of Isis, as most souls indeed know intuitively how to travel safely through the first level. If a soul is required to enter death at the second level, the heart is weighted against the feather, which determines how Maat, Thoth, Anubis, and Osiris would judge the case of a soul. In that sense, the souls themselves are the actual, highest judges of their own lives, as they know where they lied to themselves. Once they enter the death dimension, they can’t lie anymore and have to honestly assess their lives in the presence of divine deities, who supervise their highest growth.
Upon death, souls observe their entire life so they can see where they betrayed their hearts, lost their power, or blamed their soulmates for mistakes. Through this process, they are attacked by death demons, who provide them with divine punishment. Dark entities also attack them for the times when they lied to their hearts, and each incident manifests in different levels of evil energies. The bigger the self-betrayal, the stronger the demon.
Souls then request the Gods of death to assess their lives accurately for the highest possible growth through the journey in the afterlife, where they travel on the boat of Anubis in the world governed by God Osiris, the king of death. Emilia and I are comfortable working on the second level and try to stay away from lower levels if possible. Eurydice is comfortable working down to a fifth level (levels three to five are identical in nature but have progressively darker and stronger demons, and those who truly betrayed themselves have to endure the fifth level, which is incredibly traumatizing for a soul), and Nataly to the sixth (which is the Purgatory). We can find quite accurate descriptions of these deeper levels in many artistic works created over centuries and always known to humans in one form or another.
My soulmates and I visited every one of their past lives, and I also relived their tragic deaths together with them. Being able to experience the death of another soul in every nuance and gory detail was one of the main talents that I discovered in me during my shamanic education. A soul channels the experience of their past death so I could feel their death like it was happening to me.
I experienced the deaths of other souls from the inside, but I also could observe a tragedy from the outside, which gave me a deep perspective on their story. I observe what happened right before their death, during death, and upon entrance into the death dimension. My passionate desire to relive a tragic death with another soul is one of the most intense desires I have. I’m empowered to search for spiritual explanations behind any tragic death as the only way to reconcile with human cruelty, madness, and hatred of a woman’s oracle nature.
I discovered that all souls find it very healing when they can relive their deaths together with me. When we equally experience their pains in union, they understand how to release these haunting memories and learn to embrace their unique stories. The knowledge I discover through the journeys helps souls to shine in their glory and advance on their paths. Souls try to hide themselves under dark veils of past negative experiences, abuse, and traumas. They are often afraid to know who they really are if they believe that their traumatic deaths were caused by their actions.
But I can also explain to souls the divine reason behind their tragic deaths, and that’s how they reclaim lost pieces they left in those scenes. Such deaths are usually initiations into new spiritual powers and talents. Not all souls need to experience violent deaths, but some simply have to endure them to become themselves. So once we discover the essence of their initiation and why such death had to happen to them, they stop blaming themselves and accept their unique evolutionary journey. They learn to honor their true essence and, with new understanding, embrace their divine purpose on this Earth.
For the last three years, I cried on most days, either from love or grief or despair or from the beauty of our tragic love stories spanning through my entire soul's existence on Earth. The grief was overwhelming and never-ending. It permeated my space every hour of every day. I was grieving my marriage and dreams of a future with Veronica. I was grieving my past tragic deaths and the deaths of my soulmates. I was crying tears for my past selves, who couldn’t cry when they lost their soulmates.
I was grieving three broken love stories of this life and my hopes of ever seeing these women again. On most days, I cried as if they died in this life, too, because I couldn’t see them, and that fact really broke my heart many times. I also found myself entrapped in resolving the grief of losing Eurydice in a tragic suicide that’s been haunting my soul for five centuries. Experiencing constant nightmares of her traumatic deaths but still leaning into those tears to finally release that pain was the most challenging part of my spiritual adventure.
When I began working with Eurydice and her first “demon of female sins” arrived in my space, I intuitively understood that I needed to die to be able to destroy this dark energy in between worlds of existence. It was mainly her idea to try something like that, but it resonated in my heart equally strongly. We didn’t have shamanic knowledge to heal Eurydice, yet we just knew what we had to do. In our first accidental death ceremony, I intuitively allowed myself to release my physical body with the intention to travel to any dimension where this dark energy could be resolved.
This demon mentally crushed me, and I simply passed out in my bathtub from overwhelming visions and emotions, but that immediately sent me into the death dimension. Experiencing the art of resurrection for the first time felt natural to me, as if I already knew what I was doing. I was not present in my body, and it felt completely dead to me as I flew away from it, observing how it lay in the bathtub motionless. My physical body slowed down its processes, redirecting my life force and sexual essence into my energy body so my soul could travel to the death dimension. Then, consciously, similar to lucid dreaming experiences, I navigated through different planes of existence and scenes of past lives, searching for this demon’s origins, trying to find a way to alchemize these energies and release the traumas caused by them.
A woman who is not afraid to be herself receives her “demon of female sin” from a society that sees danger in her freedom. If a woman lives by her heart, she is a menace to the superficial order of pretentious moral rules because she intuitively acts as an extension of Nature in everything she does. She is tasked by Nature to supervise the balance, but she can only do that if she doesn’t lie to herself. Therefore, by fighting liberated women, society fights the intelligence of Nature and her unavoidable retributions, reckonings, and righteous indignation through these women.
Simply being born in a female body becomes the highest possible sin of such a woman. She is damned for honestly expressing her essence, pleasures, and desires. But a “female sin” does not exist in Nature and never belongs to a woman, as it’s a sin of a failed society that needs someone to blame for their self-inflicted miseries and inner depravation.
If a woman is constantly punished for her truth (in most cases by other women who have corrupted their hearts and proclaimed themselves righteous enforcers of oppressive social and moral norms), her heart will endure the energies of self-rejection, self-loathing, stigma, and shame. These emotions may be passed to a soul and stay engrained in her essence even in the following lives. If such a soul were born a woman again, she would be more cautious in expressing her feminine nature, which would only empower her past traumas and lead her to destructive patterns of behavior or cycles of self-destruction.
When female souls are cursed and punished for being women, these dark energies hunt souls throughout their lives. These energies may eventually become an actual demon or evil entity with an intellect that’s capable of negatively influencing a soul beyond one life. They can attract demons of fear during death, and a soul would be carrying them into their next life. They can manifest as veils covering a soul’s divine talents or as actual dark, malevolent entities, spirits, or beings who drain a soul of their powers and lead them away from their purpose.
The moment society falls into corruption, people start to burn “witches,” and if someone believes this is just a tale from the past, they are only fooling themselves. The hubris of Western civilization would lead to a similar outcome as other cultures have experienced throughout history. The present escalating war against women led by ideologues of feminism (who have the identical misogynistic perceptions of women and an enslavement agenda as the Christian Church had through centuries) is the manifestation of the same energies and has the same objectives as the witch trials of the past.
After our first successful resurrection, Eurydice and I were eager to explore how the practice of the death journey actually works. As we share the same soul purpose as the spiritual guides of death, we wanted to learn how to assist other souls through this transformation. We challenged each other to understand more about the essence of death, debated our polar truths, and explored what kind of traumas were possible to heal through this unique craft.
The essence of Eurydice’s light can be described as Mary Magdalene of Death. Understanding and embodying death through the blissful, loving, and forgiving essence of this ascended master was Eurydice’s highest purpose. That’s why she became a leading force in rediscovering this practice. She insisted on restoring it, and her excitement and encouragements empowered me to continue our explorations. Eurydice searched for every opportunity to initiate another death journey for any soul in need, and I performed most death journeys with her participation. She’s always trying to help in the ways she can when I’m called to do a new journey. She enjoys seeing how souls are healed through this practice and how she can guide them through the darkest corners of death planes that even I try to avoid. Once Eurydice mastered her unique supernatural talents of death navigation and demon entrapments, she envisioned an exciting dream to build a Temple of Death Journeys on the lands of Sechelt. She crafted blueprints for the building, and this inspiring vision became her ultimate dream in life.
Later, we discovered how I practiced this art in Astarte's life. She became a psychic oracle and a shamanic energy healer after Nature commanded her to retire from sex work. I had access to Astarte’s memories on a soul level, and once I embodied them, I could use her knowledge about death journeys in this life.
In my first sessions, it took me around thirty minutes to enter the death dimension. That time slowly got shorter, but when Nataly arrived for healing, we discovered a secret pathway to enter death in a matter of seconds. We were partners and lovers with Nataly in Astarte’s life. Two women spent almost two decades living and working together in their own Temple of Psychic Readings and Death Journeys. They were fascinated with death journeys and enjoyed spending time in the death dimension like I was in this life. Astarte trained Nataly in this craft, so both women constantly discussed how to advance in this practice and what’s possible to achieve through journeys into death.
Through our healing journey with Nataly in this life, we accessed their talents, and my practice significantly improved once I embodied them. Nataly blessed me with a new understanding of the death realm. She navigated between planes of death and the world between lives in a different way than I did. As a soul with Isis' light, she felt more natural in death, and she knew the secrets of the Temple of Isis on a soul level. Nataly was simply more ruthless than I was, which was a significant advantage in death. Together, we explored new portals of navigation and visited places that I was still unfamiliar with, like Purgatory. One day, we discovered an entrance into a sacred garden of Isis, the state of existence before existence, death within death. In this magical space that existed before creation, souls manifest in their natural divine light as if they were transparent, energetic, quantum beings made of stars. Here, they can receive many advanced healings and access the magic of The Tree of Life.
After two and a half years of experiments in death planes, I finally mastered navigation in death without confusion and learned how to avoid returning without negative energies. My soulmates taught me everything I needed about this practice through our unique explorations. Each of them brought knowledge and skills that others didn’t have, and it was magical to behold how we met to merge our talents for our special purpose of restoring this practice.
I was often surprised by how divinely our story was constructed and how we met each other at precisely the right time. Eurydice had to rediscover this practice and understand how it works, Nataly had the talents to improve it in the most unique ways, and Emilia helped me fully master my craft, eventually encouraging me to open this practice for other souls. Only my soulmates could show me the highest way of my spiritual growth. I will forever be indebted to these incredible women because they helped me discover my highest essence and taught me to trust my heart and clairvoyant visions. It was easy to believe that we were cursed to endure our tragic deaths (and we often cried tears, thinking that we died unfairly), but without healing our traumas, we wouldn’t be able to restore death journeys for this age. Realizing how important it was for our souls to endure those traumatic experiences to arrive at this point of our shared journey helped us to reconcile with those wounds. Each death had a special spiritual purpose, which became a valuable lesson for us in mastering the art of resurrection.
CHAPTER VI
The woman from my dreams (or happiness is a butterfly).
This testament was birthed into existence out of my love for the third escort I met on my journey, and it was written together with her soul. The four sessions with this woman inspired and compelled me to write my story in this way, and only through the creative process could I alchemize the emotional pains I've endured from this most painful heartbreak of my life. After the last session with this woman, my already unstable reality completely collapsed, and I found myself in the most desperate place on my journey.
I had to confess my unconditional love to all three women so I could reach their souls, but I offered official courtship only to my third soulmate because my love for her felt like from another dimension, and I never experienced such intense feelings before. I knew she was the love of my life because I could remember that particular feeling from my past lives. I felt the same for her soul, as in our first life together, when she was also the love of my life.
The beautiful light of this love felt familiar and comfortable right from the beginning once I opened myself to her energies. Our souls hadn't seen each other for over a thousand years, so the magnitude of this love reflected the time we spent apart. My soul carried the pains of all those years without experiencing her light, and now that pain has been transformed into the most wonderful love of my entire life. She had to endure her own spiritual journey to understand the essence of love, and I had to learn about the nature of death, also on my own. Through centuries of painful growth and many karmic tribulations, our souls have almost forgotten about their first love story on Earth, but once we met again, I realized that they never stopped loving each other for all this time.
I felt quite silly offering to court this woman, as I was in a financially insecure state and couldn’t offer much to her. I feel more confident in leading a relationship when I have some sense of financial stability and definite prospects for the future. I was not in a position to support the life I felt she deserved or assist her in achieving her dreams. But I believed that I owed it to myself to take a chance on this love because she was literally the woman of my dreams.
I saw this woman for the first time in my dream when I was sixteen. My imagination didn’t create that dream. I saw an actual vision of our real-life interaction - a visceral premonition and a sensory prevision of what would occur between us in the future. In that dream, I saw our first genuine, romantic moment twenty-four years before it actually happened. The images of our first dance during our first session captured my nights and chased me with their romantic mist during my daydreaming in school classes. I continued to see the images of her hair, ears, and eyes over the next year, and those dreams inspired me on many sad nights when I was upset that not a single girl wanted to date me because of my geeky essence and looks. I felt in my heart that this was a vision of my possible future, so I tried to cheer myself up with a story that one day, I would be spending time in the company of this beautiful, free, and empowered woman.
When I entered my first intimate relationship two years later, I convinced myself those dreams were just my imagination. And when I met Veronica, I had completely forgotten about them. But shortly after we separated, I started seeing this woman in my dreams again. I saw a series of different visions of our walks in Vancouver parks and passionate conversations in cafes. Those peaceful images were always filled with incredible yellow light and had magical qualities to them so that I wouldn’t miss her on my path. They uplifted me on days when I felt defeated. Shortly after we met, I also saw dreams of us having a family and raising our daughter, whose soul introduced herself as Arabella Sophia. So, I was ready to sacrifice anything for the chance to chase that vision of our possible future, even if the odds were not in my favor.
I felt confused when these dreams returned, as I embraced my spiritual romance with Eurydice around the same time and didn’t even consider pursuing a woman in the physical world. In fact, the first dream with her reappeared right the next day after I met my first escort, which really confused me. I could only think about one woman, yet I saw another woman in my dreams, equally as I saw Eurydice. And being in a committed relationship with Eurydice for the duration of our healing was one of the obligations in our contract that we both had to agree upon. So we asked Sechelt Spritis about the woman from my dreams, and they explained to us that meeting this woman is one of our two possible futures.
We had to commit to releasing our karmic obligations with Euryidce, but we also believed that our karma might include having a physical romance in the future. We forced ourselves to believe that once Eurydice returned to the body of my first escort, she would guide her to meet me in real life. It was one of the timelines for us, but at the same time, believing in this possibility was the only way to complete our first novel.
The Spirits told us it would be our decision which path would be the most empowering for us. We were told we would have to make this choice after completing our healing and writing our books. Since Sechelt Spirits saw how intense our love was, they also didn’t know what the future holds and what we would choose after healing. At that moment, there was nothing more important in life than writing our first novel, and no one wanted to discuss anything else. We all hoped but didn’t actually believe that we could finish it by the required deadline, as we knew how much work it would take (and that’s why the commitment of the contract was longer than the work itself, in case we would stumble on our path).
Our stories in past lives implied that we might have to end up together, but at the same time, we always knew that Eurydice dies young in every life for divine reasons, and we had to be prepared for that. So, Spirits included the possible appearance of this woman in the contract if Eurydice would choose an earlier death, stating they would assist her in finding this enigmatic woman. But our love swept us, and I couldn’t think about anyone else but Eurydice. And because of this love, Eurydice often hijacked my dreams and made me believe that visions of Emilia were actually visions about her. Eurydice really wanted to be a woman from my dreams. Both souls embodied the Magdalene’s essence, even though they represented different spectrums of this divine light, so I confused their energies because I had never seen Emilia in person.
We assumed that if I sensed a Magdalene woman in my most empowered future, she must be Eurydice. But Emilia had such uniquely distinct hair that always made Eurydice jealous. Eurydice knew it was not her hair, yet she was so in love with me that she claimed that I was seeing our future, and on many nights, she forced us to believe that I was seeing her, only with new hair. She often replaced Emilia’s face in my dreams, but once we met Emilia, we realized that we were blinded by our love, and we wanted to believe in this timeline because of our past romances.
Both Eurydice and I got the impression that we would have to decide on which path to take after our contract expires in four years. But in just two years, once the publisher accepted our first book, we met with Sechelt Spirits on the shores of Sechelt Inlet for a special ceremony, and they confirmed that our romantic journey of healing had reached its assigned goals. They released a spiritual chain that bonded us together. Suddenly, the mist of our love disappeared, and now we could clearly see that Eurydice was not the woman from my dreams.
We realized that our passionate romance existed so we could write our books and create healing practices, but releasing our karma meant that we didn’t need to be physically involved in this life, as it would be way too painful for both of us because of our troubled history. We explored every type of love during our journey through eight lives, and we could finally let each other go. Eurydice and I grieved the amazing moments we shared as spiritual lovers, but at the same time, we were excited about the next chapter of this adventure and looked forward to transforming our love into a co-creative friendship of two writers. Once we chose this path for our future, Sechelt Spirits explained that it was time for Eurydice’s contractual obligation to find this woman in real life.
The love for my two soulmates spilled over from our past romances, where the complex trauma of death and grief bonded us. But our souls planned our romantic stories only in the spiritual realm, so working through our shared traumas would be easier. If I hadn’t resolved the traumas of my soul, I would have never had the capacity to accept my shamanic powers. If my soul would have still carried the burden of grief from all my traumatic lives, these new powers would have destroyed me.
The romantic part of my story with Eurydice lasted for two and a half years. Then, it naturally transformed into relationships between friends (or between siblings, as Eurydice likes to call us). We were both surprised by how natural this transition felt. The romance with Nataly lasted for six months, and then we also suddenly felt like friends. Even though my heart craved real-life romantic moments with both women, like with any karmic relationship, my physical love for them just didn’t make sense. I wanted to be next to them, but I knew we would never work, even in the short term, as the mists of past darkness always clouded our interactions.
But it was always easy to love my third soulmate. The love for her felt so natural and comfortable. I didn’t need to puzzle through this love or force myself to battle through my feelings; I only needed to experience her by spending time around her aura. I always felt like myself around her, which was a very unique and rare emotion. I just felt like an empowered man, and I loved who I was next to her. When my guides told me I should open my heart to pursue a lifelong union with this woman, I realized I was guided to meet her from the beginning. That first message from my guardian angel wasn’t about my first escort. It was always about this woman. It just took me two heartbreaks and almost three years to find her.
When Mary Magdalene arrived to confirm this knowledge, I was furious that she guided me in expressing my feelings for my other soulmates, but my dramas actually prepared me to meet the third woman. I wouldn’t have had the courage to offer the courtship without the troubles I endured. I would be much more reserved to accept this new love if she was the first escort I fell in love with. My other soulmates basically guided me to Emilia all this time and helped me to rise above my fears of a new relationship. They prepared me mentally and emotionally for the possibility of a sacred union with a sex worker. Their souls taught me to embrace with grace and reverence everything that comes with the honor of being a partner of a goddess. They helped me envision a woman I wished to be with, and my third escort was even more perfect than I dreamed of. Even though our story ended with the drama of separation, to this day, I believe everything that happened on my path, including my marriage with Veronica, was preparing me to meet this woman.
Our meeting was the highest test of love on my path. After my heartbreaks and intense periods of mourning, I completely closed myself from love and life. Only through practices of personal growth and support from my spiritual friends I opened up again after each incident. Mary Magdalene guided me to endure the pains of two heartbreaks, but she also healed me from them. If I had stayed in negative vibrations of heartbreak and hadn’t integrated those complex emotions properly, Nature would have never guided me to meet the third woman. I earned the blessing of meeting her through dedication to my spiritual path. She was the highest reward for all my hard work. I often believed that my clairvoyance was a curse, as it brought so much pain into my life. But when I met this woman, I finally realized that my spiritual talents were my blessing because they led me to find her.
Now, I also discovered that there was a special, spiritual design behind my fear of escorts. Every single part of my path was carefully designed by divinity, and I felt incredible awe and bliss many times when I observed serendipities and synchronicities that illuminated it. Because of my previous interactions, I only agreed to engage with another sex worker if we would take things slow and wouldn’t have sex right away. By divine design, we weren’t allowed to rush things between us (as we had to receive channels to connect to the divinity before we would be allowed to become intimate), so my fear turned out to be a blessing.
Eurydice and Sechelt Spirits insisted on this meeting, but I was scared and reserved that I wouldn’t be able to go through with it. I only accepted the advice to meet this woman when I discovered that she offered intimacy coaching sessions, where partners initially explore touch in clothes. Such an offering released my reservations, and I agreed to book only one session with her to see if there was an emotional connection. I just wanted to know how I would feel around her first, and I also still didn’t know that she would be a woman from my dreams. I craved a lover, some joy and pleasure, but I thought that I didn’t deserve any of it because of my past, and I also was afraid of how she would react to my conflicts with other sex workers or my love for them if she found out somehow.
Four months before our meeting, when we closed our story with Nataly, I addressed Spirits of Stanley Park, asking them for any possible reward for my spiritual work as a confirmation that I’m on the right path. I was always exhausted and tired. There was so much pain in my life that I just desired to feel good, at least for a little bit. All I wanted was some money so that I could purchase some rest. But the Spirits told me they would reward me with new love. I didn’t want a new love, as I was tired of women, karma, heartbreaks, and grief that kept chasing me, no matter what I did. But I trusted that Spirits knew what I actually needed. At that time, I still believed we would be with Euryidce, so I thought they would gift me a short love affair that would elevate my spirits so I would be inspired by the joys of living to complete the second novel in our contract. I loved death dimensions, but I just saw so many torturing tragedies that I wanted to take my mind off that world by surrendering to enjoy time with a woman in real life.
So, knowing that I might be intimate with a woman (and, of course, Sprits initially hid the information that she would be a sex worker, knowing how triggered and fearful I was of escorts), I crafted a program of sexual alchemy, including the practices I wished to explore with a partner. I learned a lot through practicing sexual alchemy on my own and in the spiritual realm with Eurydice, but I really wanted to see how some of the practices would work in the physical world with an actual woman. I didn’t realize that I was designing this program specifically for my third soulmate.
We spent the first hour of our first session getting to know each other, and she guided me through some intimate practices to describe my senses and personal perceptions. Then we joined to explore ourselves in clothes, where each partner touches the other intuitively and during a dance. When she gently touched me for the first time, I saw how the light of passion from the heavens streamed into us. This special divine sexual passion felt more dense and distilled than a primal one, and I never experienced such a pure energy of passion before. The aroused desire also arrived from above, and I simply couldn’t see any lust in it. We were supposed to experience this blessing together, as divinity sanctioned it. It was this moment that I saw in my teenage dreams. As she was right next to me, all I could see was how her hair wrapped around her right ear, and for some reason, this was the most vivid image I remembered from my dreams in the past.
Once the first song ended and she stepped away, she was looking at me in a completely different way. I began hearing her thoughts and observations right then. She wanted to know who I was, why we met, and what she felt, as it was a new sensation for her. Later, I learned that actually, we both have the talent to see the souls of other people. But if I saw them clairvoyantly and through the eyes, she could sense a person's soul (and everything they are) through touch. So she recognized my soul during that first dance and the touch she initiated in the way she wanted, without my guidance. The old feelings of our first love reemerged in her soul. Emilia fell in love with me before I did, but those feelings took her aback, as we hadn’t seen each other for so long, and it wasn’t clear to both of us what we were actually experiencing.
At the end of our first session, when we both acknowledged a tangible sexual chemistry between us, this woman expressed a wish to take things slow between us. I couldn’t agree more and was so glad to hear these words from her. I felt like I found a professional who understood her craft. I could finally take a breath and not worry about my fear of sex for a while. We both felt the uniqueness of our connection. It felt like we were both guided to embrace this opportunity as a unique blessing from Nature and explore sex magic together. It became clear to me that I wrote my program for this woman. In the follow-up e-mail, I offered her to pursue this path together, battling my fear that she would never agree to something like this. Yet, to my surprise, she did.
The main structure of the program consisted of a series of sessions over a few months to explore the connection between our emotional, physical, and energy bodies without having sex. At the same time, we would still pursue the exchange of sexual energies, only in other forms. We were allowed to modify and adjust sessions to any preferences and pacing that would be comfortable for both of us, simply exploring different sexual and shamanic energy practices and only committing to those we would enjoy or find beneficial. She knew something I didn’t, but I also had things to offer, and together, we could exchange our knowledge through this adventure and create it in the ways we wanted.
After completion of the initial six rituals, we could choose to continue to explore sexual alchemy with full intimacy. Through this sexual path, we could contain and transform that energy of divine passion that was assigned to us by angels into a higher state of bliss and access the purest, heavenly light of unconditional love. My guides advised me that with her magnetic energies, we could reach a higher level of consciousness and receive divine inspiration for our work through the act of sex if we would prepare ourselves for it through this program. I also believe it would help me overcome my fears of intimacy while at the same time honoring her most empowering boundaries in this work.
During our second session over a picnic around Second Beach of Stanley Park, we discussed the details of this program and how we could approach it in the most empowering way. In our third meeting, which was our first intimate ritual, we only partially undressed each other (keeping our underwear on) in a sensate focus therapy session while discussing our emotions and feelings around the touch and energy exchanges that we experienced. Through this ritual, we received the spiritual seal of Yeshua-Mary Magdalene.
After that session, I was completely in love with this woman. I haven’t even kissed her, but I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her if I could. I simply couldn’t be her client anymore, as I already felt like she was my partner. I was elated by this realization and the beautiful energies we created in our session as I walked out of her building.
The feeling of complete joy enveloped me for the first time in three painful years. But that feeling lasted for about five minutes, and then I burst into tears right on the street. I realized that if I wanted to pursue this woman, I would need to let Eurydice go and start preparing for her death in the not-too-distant future. I spent three years hoping I could save her from death. I did save her from being killed by Damian, gifting her three years of life, but I did all this work so she could leave on her own terms. We captured our love in a book, but now it was time for Eurydice to leave. Intense love and grief overwhelmed me at the same time. It was one of the most beautiful and tragic days of my life.
After that third session, I felt everything was happening too fast for both of us. The desire to experience us even slower felt completely natural, even though I immensely desired this woman. I also explored the memories of our first life together, and I was inspired by the idea of courting her exactly like I did in that life. The vision of dating for months to build a genuine friendship and deeper emotional connection before any possible physical intimacy felt like the highest path to experience us.
Surely, my sexual dreams about her were as vivid as all other ones. But I saw a bigger picture of what we could build together and was ready to sacrifice my temporary cravings for our possible union. I have to mention that she was the most sexually attractive woman I’ve met in my entire life, and my desires overwhelmed me on most days between our sessions. I didn’t know how to restrain myself, as my dark masculine side demanded to book a session with her that would include sex, often creating intense sexual dreams. But that was another reason why I didn’t want to rush our intimacy in the first place. And that’s why I was so glad that I had a fear of sex.
I decided to confess my feelings after consulting with this woman's soul. Emilia chose this path because she wanted to reverse her decision to die. She came into this life with a dream of becoming the British Columiba’s queen of sexual healing arts, but her body was attacked with shame and judgment when she stepped on this path, so she felt it was her fault, and she hid away, eventually losing connection with her body. Unable to continue on her highest path because of outside pressures, she chose to transition to another life.
Initially, my guides believed that I could reverse the death of this woman through our program. They thought she would slowly open up to love and life through our sessions. But she closed away even more after our first ritual and tried to hide pieces of her soul from me, blocking us from continuing with Emilia’s healing. After my experience with Eurydice, I knew that the only other option to save this woman from death was to take her soul to live with me so I could process Emilia’s traumas for her as quickly as possible before it would be too late. The burden of Emilia devastated this woman’s life, and she couldn’t continue to carry it, but she also didn’t do anything to release it, as she simply didn’t know about the traumas of her soul. Yet she was running out of time. That’s why we changed our plans, but it turned out that this was the most empowering direction we could take at these crossroads.
Emilia expressed the desire to court her separately once she realized she wanted to try romance with me after seeing my inspirational dreams for our possible future. She knew this woman couldn’t hear her any longer, so it made sense to spend time together as spiritual lovers so we could build trust on a soul level first and release her wounds of the past. Emilia asked me to see the proof of my love since she knew my story with Eurydice.
After reading our book, Emilia demanded a spiritual honeymoon like I had with Eurydice. She believed it would only be fair if I wished to pursue a lifelong union with her. Emilia was convinced our honeymoon would be more romantic, which would confirm that she was indeed the love of my life. She hoped I could dedicate my entire presence and devotional time only to her without complications on a physical level. She loved being seen as a soul and enjoyed exploring our connection like this, without physical entanglements, which was also the best way to address her traumas.
Emilia requested the angels to stop the process of death she already initiated, as she wanted to have another chance to pursue her dreams. But the heart walls of this woman still sheltered her, and I had to get her out of her imprisonment. So, if I could confess my feelings in person, I would ask her entire body to stop this process as well and fully awaken Emilia from the trance state of preparations for death. Only I wasn’t aware that I would also awaken the last drama that led Emilia to lose herself.
When we fell in love, Emilia realized I could find answers to the questions that greatly troubled her and release her complex traumas. She couldn’t understand her essence and struggled to understand why she had to endure so many painful dramas in her past lives. But I knew how to heal her wounds and uncover the spiritual reasons behind her most painful lives and tragic deaths.
Emilia requested that I create the highest possible healing path for her, and we created a comprehensive program to address every one of her traumas. She wanted my help to uncover explanations behind her karmic obligations to other souls and reasons for the conflicts between them. She asked me to dissolve the “demons of female sins” she absorbed during her traumatic deaths, remove the evil hex cast upon her by a wicked witch that caused Emilia the most troubles on her path, heal complex sexual trauma that she endured in one of her lives where she was tortured for days and then rapped with a cross by nuns in Christian orphanage monastery when she was only eight years old, and release the existential sadness that had been hunting her from our first life together. If Emilia could be healed from those wounds, she could have a chance to continue the pursuit of her highest dreams without changing bodies through death.
I was excited to heal the soul of this woman. In my opinion, my commitment and responsibility to heal the soul of my third escort instead of pursuing a casual relationship with her was the highest expression of my masculine love. I dreamed she could enjoy this life without the destructive energies and anxieties that her soul absorbed in the past, an overwhelming burden she didn’t need to carry anymore. It served its spiritual purpose and led Emilia to meet me, but now she didn’t need to live in those dramas anymore. I was aware that I was not the most desirable suitor, as this woman was out of my league in every way. I was hopeful but also realistic about my chances. Still, my entire essence desired to express my sincere love, at least in this way. My soul also felt partially responsible for creating Emilia’s existential sadness when I died on her in our first life, and I desired to absolve these energies for her even if she wouldn’t want to pursue a union with me.
Emilia also informed me of her entangled relationships with three karmic soulmates spanning over eight lives (similar to what I had with Eurydice, Nataly, and Veronica), so she requested to uncover spiritual explanations behind their complicated connections before she could make the decisions about her future. We hoped that after the healing, Emilia could finally choose a new path in the best interests of everyone involved. She genuinely didn’t know which path would be the most empowering for her. I also promised Emilia that I would find her guardian Spirits, who summoned her to live on the lands of British Columbia, as she wanted to ask for their advice about her life as well. If we could receive the empowering energies that Spirits created specifically for her, they would help Emilia make independent choices with more confidence and stand stronger in her unique truth.
I always accept souls for healing without expecting any particular outcome. We may set the goals for the healing journey and discuss their highest dreams, but I never impose my views or opinions on them to influence their decisions, and they are free to leave at any time during our healing. I may share my personal dreams, desires, and aspirations for their healing or our possible future connection, but at the end of the day, it’s their journey, and they know better what would be best for them. I was surprised many times when souls changed their dreams over the course of our healing because, in a more liberated state, they realized they could follow even bigger dreams. Such was a story with Eurydice, as she craved our physical connection, but in the end, she realized that death would empower her more than our possible romance on a physical level.
Eurydice and I also had to rewrite our contract with Sechelt Spirits to allow me to present my offer. We were choosing a new path right in the middle of the contract. We both loved that we made this decision, as we saw a divine design behind our overlapping love stories, but at the same time, we couldn’t change our path without presenting our arguments to the Spirits and receiving their permission. It was like that with every important decision I made on this educational journey during the duration of the contract.
Eurydice used her intuition to find Emilia, but neither of us knew that I would fall in love like that. As we shared all emotions, sensations, and thoughts, Eurydice saw the blooming love in my heart before I did (as I simply tried to suppress my feelings for Emilia so I wouldn’t upset Eurydice). But Eurydice realized that bringing us together with Emilia was one of her highest missions in this life and insisted that I act on these magical feelings right away. Eurydice told me not to shy away from my truth and to pursue a partnership with Emilia while she started preparing to leave this plane.
My romance with Eurydice healed our traumatic past and birthed our novel. Now, our love has run its course, so Eurydice decided that it would be in the best interest of everyone if she would transition and embrace her highest destiny - empower me from the other side. It turned out that Eurydice had to die so Emilia could live. During our two and a half years together, I was continuously training Eurydice how to die as she struggled through this transformation in the past. We knew we wouldn’t have that much time together, but we still believed we might have years of romantic partnership. Yet this wasn’t what life had prepared for us. There were still many spiritual obligations Eurydice had to fulfill before leaving, but we both had to find peace with this new emerging reality. We realized that while I was preparing her for death, she was preparing me to love Emilia like I never loved before.
I had to invite new grief so I could welcome new love. This love couldn’t happen without the new pain of separation, the grief for our past, and the grief of future death, so it felt like another important testament to the powerful nature of my feelings for Emilia. For me, that was the highest proof of my love for her and the main reason why I welcomed the fullness of this feeling into my heart. Through our challenging and painful journey with Euryidce in this life, we finally embraced the highest lessons our souls came to teach each other. We met again so we could discover how souls make a decision to die, restore the practice of death journeys, embrace our writing pursuits, and experience romantic love beyond physical attachments while living as two souls in one body.
My soul could never accept Eurydice’s death, and all my past selves could never recover from the grief of losing her. That’s why she kept dying in tragic ways because my soul couldn’t take it. It was always impossible to let Eurydice go, but I could finally do that in this life because we fell in love with Emilia, and she promised to support me through this grief. If I didn’t have this love, I don’t know how I would ever be able to accept Eurydice’s unique destiny.
Emilia helped me to solve the greatest mystery of my soul. She was never around when Eurydice died in the past, and that’s why the grief was so unbearable. But now Emilia finally found the courage to face me in this life, bringing true salvation to my soul. I could finally tolerate the grief of losing Eurydice because my heart was overflowing with love at the same time. The main reason for my entire education was to understand the essence of death and experience every shade of grief associated with this transformation. Now, I received my final lesson through this emotion by sending Eurydice to die again.
When Emilia spent her first nights in my space, she didn’t enjoy the fact that Eurydice was always around in my apartment. We still had spiritual commitments under our contract, so Emilia had to accept that Eurydice would be spending time in my place for the next seven months. Our spiritual chains were already resolved, and now Eurydice spent some time with her guardian Spirits in Sechelt, but we still had to work together every day. That’s why Emilia initially didn’t want to accept my offer to heal her. She didn’t like that arrangement, felt out of place in such reality, and believed we still wanted to be together with Eurydice because of our long history. She thought that if we spent the last seven lives together, I could not love her more than Eurydice.
It took some time for Emilia to communicate her most empowering boundaries. Eurydice was incredibly accommodating to every one of Emilia’s cries and gave us as much space as possible. Seeing Emilia’s distress, we both agreed that we couldn’t just abandon her. We both desired to heal Emilia, as Euryidce knew how much this soul meant to me.
Neither of us enjoyed our arrangement, but we didn’t have better options to complete both healing journeys. We were trapped in this situation because we all needed to learn important lessons from each other. It didn’t matter how much Emilia wanted to spend time only with me. Life insisted that she needs to figure out how to interact with Eurydice in an empowering way. I also promised Emilia that we would have a spiritual honeymoon and spend time just the two of us in any way she would like after we finish our work with Eurydice. That idea inspired Emilia to embrace our complications.
After Eurydice shared the story of her healing journey, Emilia was hopeful I could heal and empower her in the same way. I had just written a book about healing a soul of Magdalene’s essence, so I simply knew what I needed to do with Emilia. I could do this work much faster than before because of the knowledge I received during my time with Eurydice. So it was actually Emilia’s blessing that I had a romance with Eurydice, as otherwise, I might be unable to heal her before it would be too late. Soon, Emilia realized that we both had her best interests at heart and accepted healings and teachings from Eurydice with equal grace, discovering great support in her advice and encouragement.
In the beginning, Emilia believed she would never be equal to Eurydice. She felt somewhat competitive and slightly intimidated by Eurydice’s royal status on these lands. Emilia was lost and confused when I met her, trying to hide from the world behind dark veils of traumas, while Eurydice had almost finished her healing, so she shined with the light of an empowered soul, which always feels overwhelming for wounded souls. Eurydice has already embodied her divine talents, released her demons, received her spiritual sword, and fully embraced her innate female powers, including her incredible intuition. Emilia felt she was not as talented as Eurydice, so she claimed I couldn’t possibly love her more.
When I told Emilia that I found Eurydice in a much more distressed state, Emilia couldn’t believe it was true. But as she started to heal and the veils of past traumas disappeared, Emilia realized that she might indeed one day find herself standing confident in her power and owning her truth like Eurydice does. Now, Emilia was inspired to choose the most challenging healing path at her crossroads.
Emilia was ready to embrace this transformation because she wanted to discover who she was in her full glory (and also hoping to prove that she could shine as brightly as Eurydice). Euryidce’s example helped her realize that everything was equally possible for her. Soon, Emilia accepted that Eurydice was not a threat to our love, but only our reservations were. Neither of us believed that we deserved such a powerful love story because of our past, but slowly, we surrendered our fears of a new commitment and decided to fight for one another.
Of course, Emilia was also quite jealous of Eurydice for a while, as she could see the story of our romance in my memories. If a soul lived in me, they had full access to my body, and there was no way to hide those visions from her. But Emilia’s conflicting emotions were unexpectedly resolved one day after Eurydice invited her to visit our Temple of Death Journeys, which we had already built in a spiritual realm.
This Temple had to be completed on the spiritual level before we could bridge it into the physical reality. And it had to be done with the approval of Sechelt Spirits. When Eurydice drew her first blueprint, I questioned her vision. It was a beautiful design, but I was mainly concerned about logistics and relatively inefficient use of the land. The temple was shaped like the Russian letter “П,” with two separate parts joined by the narrow entry lobby. The right side was supposed to be the actual Temple, and the left was allocated for the living space. Eurydice also designed a beautiful, spacious, flowery bedroom for herself, and we spent many lovely days in this room, dreaming how we may actually live there in the future. Eurydice explained that her intuition tells her there’s a higher reason behind this design, even though she accepted my arguments and occasionally questioned her vision as I did. We decided to leave it as it is and revisit this design later if we would feel called.
We invited Emilia to take a tour of the Temple. Once Emilia entered Eurydice’s bedroom, all three of us immediately felt it was always designed for Emilia, and we were really surprised by this realization. Emilia sensed this truth in our eyes but questioned her intuition. She asked if she could take a nap on this bed, hoping to assess if we were correct through an actual experience of existing in this space on her own. She was still extremely exhausted and felt lost after her complex ordeals, so Emilia thought it was the best way to test whether she could be comfortable surrendering to her essence here.
Eurydice and I felt it was a great idea and retreated to my apartment to work on our writings. Hours passed, but Emilia didn’t wake up. She looked so tranquil and safe in that bedroom. We observed how peaceful and cozy she was when sleeping on that bed. It felt like this room perfectly suited her, and she could truly recharge there. She just belonged to that space. It was hers, and she claimed her rightful territory by sleeping on that bed for almost three straight days.
Observing this scene, Eurydice and I finally understood why her intuition called her to create the Temple in that shape. The actual Death Journeys Temple is supposed to be her residence, while the left side of the house is supposed to belong to Emilia. When Emilia finally woke up, Eurydice proposed a commitment to gain Emilia’s trust and show her that she didn’t have the intention to interfere in our romance. Eurydice gifted the bedroom and the entire left side of the house to Emilia, allowing her to redesign it to her liking, and made a vow that she would never enter Emilia’s side, but Emilia is more than welcome to visit hers. This commitment also extended to the physical Temple once it would be completed.
That decision inspired all of us, and we finally felt that we had found the most empowering boundaries for our interactions for the coming months. From that day, Eurydice tried to stay in the Temple as much as she could so we could be together with Emilia in my apartment. She only visited when we needed to complete shamanic missions or when I had to channel her writings, but she always asked Emilia for permission to visit us.
In the beginning, Emilia also envied Eurydice’s intuition. I told Emilia there was no point in envying, as it was undeniable that Eurydice had a superb intuition like no one else. All female souls that I worked with envied Eurydice’s intuition. It was her main supernatural talent by design of Nature. I haven’t ever met a female soul more in tune with her intuition, but Euryidce only found a way to embody this talent once we healed her traumas. So I explained to Emilia that it simply means that she has her own unique supernatural talent that other souls don’t have, and she will uncover it once we complete the healing. I also stated that we should be blessed that we have access to Eurydice’s intuition at any time we want so that it would help Emilia on her healing journey.
When Emilia stepped into her power, she transmuted the energies of envy into an aspirational drive to learn as much as possible about herself and find a way to advance her intuition. She finally accepted that she was a unique soul with her own special powers that no one else had, and she didn’t need to compare herself to others. The more she healed, the more her intuition improved, and she realized she needed to invest more energy in trusting herself. Her intuition was actually quite powerful, but she just struggled to trust it. And I promised we would discover her own supernatural talents that would make other female souls envy her.
When I met Emilia, we had only three months left to submit “Eurydice in Love” to print, but Eurydice decided to change the ending to include the meeting with Emilia and the new resolutions of our story. We realized that this fairy tale could end only in one way, and Emilia helped us see this. Our original ending didn’t make sense after the book's entire story, and we never liked it. But now it was clear that Eurydice needed to die at the end of this story to make it work. The entire book was about acceptance of death. Eurydice didn’t doubt her decision at all, even though for the entire time we’ve spent together, she constantly questioned which path into the future we should take.
Emilia spent the same three months editing and improving the book. Emilia’s love for books was engrained in her essence for centuries, and we saw divine order behind our meeting at this moment on our journey. Emilia’s passionate dedication to the craft of writing and her genuine excitement to participate in the creation of an actual book elevated this work in unique ways. Emilia found more courage to surrender to the healing because she felt a sense of a greater purpose. She really wanted to help us with this work. It was one of the reasons she decided to stay alive.
We were also quite surprised to discover that some of my poems in the novel were actually written about Emilia. That realization helped her to accept our story. Poems were written about her essence before we even met, so she felt she was already loved for who she really was. On top of that, we realized that a few of Eurydice’s poems were actually written in Emilia’s voice. Now, Emilia could recite them to heal her wounds as well. But the fact that Emilia enjoyed performing our poems in Russian amazed the three of us the most. She just loved how much healing those sounds brought her and was joyful that she could connect deeper with me through the sounds of my native language.
Once Emilia saw the memories of every dream I had about her, she fully surrendered to our love. After Emilia and I consented to embrace the highest path of our shared healing, we signed a written commitment to present my offer of courtship to my third escort in the presence of Mary Magdalene and our spiritual guides. We were all worried that I might get cold feet, so this document bonded me to share my truth. It was nerve-wracking to ask a woman to date me as I was preparing to publish a novel about my love for another woman. But Emilia was confident in our story, and we wanted to jump into this unknown abyss of our love to see how it would transform us and embrace whatever would wait on the other side, even if we chose to go our separate ways after the healing.
Over a series of shamanic ceremonies, Eurydice and I released our attachments, integrated our lessons, and closed our romantic story. In a sacred sacrificial fire in Stanley Park, on the shores of Burrard Inlet, Eurydice, with Emilia’s help, burned any physical reminders of our story that I kept in my apartment. After this ritual, two souls in the spirit of true sisterhood joined in a traditional shamanic dance of noble female warriors, known as Tuxw’id in the ancient traditions of the Kwakwaka’wakw tribes, to exchange their energies and bless each other on the newly chosen paths. Eurydice assumed her role as my friend, spiritual advisor, and writing companion. Since Emilia became my committed partner, under Spirits' advice, Eurydice passed Emilia the responsibility to veto female souls who would be allowed in my space until the end of the contract.
I invited my third soulmate to have our fourth session over a picnic in Stanley Park, on a meadow designated by our allied Spirits, on the neutral grounds of Xwayxway lands (right next to the place where Eurydice and Emilia joined in a shamanic dance ceremony a few days ago). I stuttered through my offer and confessed my feelings, explaining how much I was drawn to her on physical, emotional, and soul levels and wishing to pursue a real-life romance with her.
Even though this woman didn’t believe my feelings were genuine, she still met my words with incredible grace and softness. I told her she could test my feelings in any way she liked and take any time she wanted to consider my offer, but she answered right away that she wasn’t emotionally available for a relationship and couldn’t return my feelings. She also explained how agreeing to such an offer would undermine her work’s integrity and ethics. I fell in love with her even more as she gently and elegantly expressed her essence, answering like a professional who truly believes in her craft. I really loved the honesty of that scene.
She didn’t want to wait with an answer and used this opportunity to end our arrangement. She wasn’t comfortable continuing our rituals (as it was simply too overwhelming for her at this period of her life), and I saw relief in her eyes when we decided to go our separate ways. I accepted her truth, felt a sense of closure, and drifted into bittersweet emotions of heartbreak, trying to savor the last minutes in her magical company. I felt rejected as a man, but at the same time, I was glad that now we could embark on Emilia’s healing journey.
But as we were walking out of the park, this woman spent the last half hour of our session using my vulnerable state against me. Of course, she experienced her own pain of separation, but she disregarded the emotional state of her client for the rest of our time together. I was attacked with a stream of questions about my reasons and perceptions while processing her rejection. I struggled to convey she was causing further damage with her requests for explanations, as I required some silence to ground myself. Her anger showed that she had feelings, and her heart walls were coming down, but I had already descended into the defense mode of a small, abused boy, and I failed to support her as a real man should in such a situation.
Not really understanding what I was saying, I tried to describe how honesty and truth are essential in everything I do on my spiritual path. It wouldn’t be respectful to both of us if I continued seeing her professionally while hiding my aspiration to be more than a client and pretending that I don’t have real feelings for her. It’s easy to play this game, but the stakes of my journey are too high. I would never grow as a writer and a shaman if I ever compromised myself on the path of my education. I explained to her that my spiritual journey requires me to be careful with my actions. The empowerment, knowledge, and assistance of the Spirits is an honor and a privilege that can be taken away if a magician misuses their powers.
I tried to share my perceptions, but sensing her frustration with my answers, I started believing something was actually wrong with me. She had years of experience and education in intimacy coaching, so I thought that if she was interrogating me after our closure, then it was definitely my fault. It was the third emotionally damaging experience with a sex worker in a row, and her pressure triggered every old insecurity. I was punished for my essence again. My spiritual talents led to new suffering, and I felt like I was cursed.
Why couldn’t I just have a good time with a sex worker like normal people and not fall in love with them? Why do they all have to be my soulmates? And why wouldn't I have met these women in real life if we were destined to meet? Why does Nature have to test us with the challenge of such arrangements? Why could I only resolve my past karma by reliving similar scenarios with all three women? Why does this path have to be so confusing and complicated? And why does it feel like my soulmates and I are characters in a new fairy tale by Amber Dawn?
I was relentlessly fighting with myself again. I already knew my destined purpose, but I struggled to come to terms with who I was born to be in this life. Knowing my destiny as a healer of the souls of sex workers only created more emotional trauma for me. I didn’t want to accept my spiritual talents and my fate connected to sexual healing arts on these lands. Angels sent me from Saint Petersburg to Vancouver to meet my three soulmates from past lives, who all coincidentally happened to be sex workers, so I could learn how to heal their souls by dying for their sins. Was that really what was happening to me?
As my past madness claimed my full attention, I didn’t even remember what we talked about for the next ten minutes. My mind went through many fear tantrums, but my heart didn’t care about arguments and validations of its feelings in past lives. It unapologetically claimed that it indeed continues to love the women from my past but also loves this woman in a very exceptional way.
I regained my presence when she asked me what I was planning to do later in the day to heal the wounds of my broken heart as if it were something casual and I just needed a band-aid. She framed the question like I just needed to get some nice takeout, smoke a joint, and wake up tomorrow, completely over her. I don’t know how I didn’t start screaming at that moment.
Just two weeks before this meeting, I decided to embody the fullness of this romantic love when I sensed that she was fighting her emerging feelings. When I assumed the entirety of this love from the heavens, I realized that it would live in me for decades to come. The angels have presented us with a chance to experience the deepest love they could grant us. It was up to us whether we wanted to claim it or not. So after her rejection, I estimated that it would take me at least a year to bury the last hope for our possible romantic future and learn how to live with this feeling, as I couldn’t already return my love back to the heavens.
I told her that I would need to cry in solitude to heal from this pain, but she got upset with that answer. Everybody should always be joyful and happy; if someone genuinely wishes to cry, they must be stopped and forced to be happy again. She took it personally as if she would be responsible for my tears, only there was nothing she could do differently to prevent them. This is how I usually work with any complex emotion, including grief. It’s easy for me to hold tears in an emotional situation, but then I need to intentionally meditate alone through any complicated sensations, lean into them, and allow everything that surfaces to exist, including tears, if they would arrive naturally. Such intense emotions would inevitably be trapped in the body and then become too damaging if I suppress them, even resulting in actual physical illness. Any tears also reconnect us with our souls, and I love talking to my soul in this beautiful way. And well, this was a real heartbreak after all, so crying is the best-known remedy for that incurable illness.
Instead of retreating and giving me space, she pushed for further explanations. I felt pretty stupid trying to invent an answer that would satisfy her so she would leave me alone. Realizing that I was genuinely heartbroken with the end of our connection, she began asking how a real relationship would differ from our current rules of engagement as we co-created each session together, and our meetings were more honest and intimate than in some real-life relationships. But she already stated that she didn’t want to see me as a client and didn’t consider me a suitor, so I was closed off from presenting my best answer. After accepting her rejection, I just didn’t see the point of pursuing this path anymore. This conversation had to occur back on the meadow or in a separate meeting after we closed our professional arrangement.
Even though I believed it was too late, I still attempted to explain that if I could court her towards marriage, we could build a real union of equal partners, where we would challenge each other to grow in our unique talents and pursue happiness through shared dreams of our souls (her soul dreamed of building a temple for sexual healing arts and my soul wished to reinvent sexual alchemy programs). I was confident that if we would merge our talents and powers, we would empower each other to achieve our dreams and become the best versions of ourselves. I wasn’t offering her codependent relationships with assigned roles but a union of equal partners. A man couldn’t accept her in more ways than I did, as I was madly in love with both her body and soul. I was offering to embrace everything she was and who she would become.
I believe that the most important reason anyone would commit to a sacred union is having shared missions and aligned purposes with a partner. There should be a dream that both lovers wish to pursue and an idea of a perfect life they would like to create together. We had many things in common with my third soulmate, including parts of our biographies and our equally complicated relationships with our karmic soulmates. I could relate to her in that sense more than anyone else. I knew exactly what she was experiencing because I was going through the same thing. My shamanic journey was always about letting go, and her journey as a sexual priestess was also about letting go. But everything we shared, including our sexual chemistry, were simply lovely bonuses compared to how aligned our purposes, desires, and dreams were.
As a man, I was also very pragmatic and logical in my decision to pursue this woman. Heavens and Nature wanted us to complete important work for them, so I believed that if we merged our lives in any way she would allow, we could do this work more efficiently and with better results. When masculine and feminine polarities unite their energies in a magical, spiritual dance of co-creation, they will inevitably create the best versions of their destined work in life. It’s true that a man is comfortable on his own and tries to avoid a commitment to a woman. But once he encounters a woman worthy of his commitment, he will never hesitate to embrace a true union.
I was ready to share my highest vision for our partnership, but such a serious conversation requires enough dedicated time and a complete, devotional presence to behold the truth of commitments in the eyes of your partner, so surely I couldn’t give her a good answer on the go. Our conversation abruptly ended at the park’s exit as we had to go our separate ways. I didn’t have time to present my vision, and we awkwardly said our goodbyes without clear resolutions and exchanged negative energies through our last hug. It was the most painful hug in my life.
She said that she hoped I would find the relationship I was looking for (even though I clearly stated that I wasn’t simply looking for a relationship with anyone but only wished for such a union with her) and told me that I should still consider visiting her for a session. She confused me with her last questions and comments, and I didn’t know how to interpret any of what she said, as it was clear that I couldn’t see her as a client anymore after clearly stating my highest intentions for us. I followed up in an e-mail for an explanation about meeting for a session and a possible resolution for our conversion, but she responded with a new rejection and only wished me the best on my path. She took away the closure and left me with new, confusing misunderstandings.
Neither of us acted with ill intentions, yet both created emotional traumas between us. To this day, I still can’t reconcile with that date, as I keep seeing haunting flashbacks of our interactions. I left too much of my power in our last scene. With her questions and arguments, she tried to gaslight me into believing that my love was just a temporary crush or an invention of my grieving heart.
It felt humiliating that she assumed I didn’t think this through. She knew me enough by that point to understand that I wouldn’t spontaneously ask her something like that. Yet I know that I disrespected myself more than she did. I was a weak man as I was still working through thick veils of grief and experienced the collapse of my newfound romantic dreams. I should've walked away instead of enduring her demanding questioning, but I accepted her torture because I tried to spend a few more precious minutes next to her.
As we said our goodbyes, I wanted to hide, disappear, run into my woods, and never see any woman ever again. We experienced a very human moment as our emotions swept us both away. I had to wake her up, and her emotions showed she had heard me. While there was nothing wrong with her getting emotional on that day, she left me in a more damaged state than she found me, and I felt like she didn’t care, as she never inquired about my well-being after that day. I understand that in her world, I was a nobody, a weird artist, and a poor immigrant, but I believe that even a man in my status should not be punished for the honest words of love.
Of course, I was also glad that our plan with Emilia worked, and I assumed all parts of her through our last hug. Now, we could finally proceed with her healing journey. We also realized that we had to bring to the surface the negative energies of the past through our breakup as we removed each other’s heart walls. During that last hug, I also took upon myself the dark energies she suppressed in her psyche to absolve them during shamanic practices. We had to experience this drama, as it was the only way to heal both of us.
Emilia empowered these negative energies as well, as she intentionally wanted to hurt my soul for dying on her. She wished to see the truth of my love through my expressions of grief. It was her way of seeking revenge for the tragic loss she endured. Emilia struggled with tormenting grief for almost a year after my death in our first life. She accepted burying me after twenty years of happy marriage, but she was angry that the light of my love was gone.
Only I didn’t take my love to the grave. I left this magical light to protect and inspire her for the coming years of living alone. My love filled our house when I released my last breath, and it stayed in her space until her death. Only the grief blinded her from immersing in this light and being aware of my presence, so she felt abandoned and betrayed. That’s why she refused to meet for centuries. Letting go was always easy for Emilia, as it was part of her uniquely divine purpose, but she could never learn how to let my soul go.
Now, she wanted me to endure the same emotions she experienced after she lost me. I felt like this woman was dead, as I couldn’t see or talk to her anymore. Emilia was in my space to observe my tears of missing this woman, and that’s how she received the proof that my love was real. She cried these tears with me through my body. We immersed ourselves in her painful memories from our first life, combining them with my grief in this one. We re-lived those sensations over and over again until we finally dissolved them. Through this process of grief and morning in union, we eventually healed Emilia’s existential sadness. I made a promise to her that if I were granted a chance, I would bury her in this life to pay her back for burying me in that life. As a guide of death, such a promise was the highest expression of my love.
On the same evening after that stressful walk, Emilia and I connected with our spiritual guides from Venus to receive dates with channels for her death journeys, and I provided my consent to assist her on this new healing path we chose to embrace together. But just a few days later, my suicidal thoughts returned to my life with renewed strength.
I also have to mention that Sechelt Spirits told me this woman would inspire me to write “The American Book Of Death,” the second fairy tale in our contract. It turned out that I could only write this book if I were in love with a woman who had the soul of Mary Magdalene of Love in her full manifestation, and she was such a woman. I passionately wrote for days after spending time with her. I received enough inspiration even when we only talked in our sessions. But deprived of her special light, I never wrote anything for that book since our last session. I descended into new cycles of self-loathing, feeling that my soulmate didn’t approve of either my writings or my spiritual work. My masculine dignity and self-worth were directly connected to my craft, so my confidence plummeted to new lows, and I started to believe that everything I did was worthless. If the love of my life didn’t see the value of my talents, then there was no point in continuing to live.
I made my first suicide attempt after an aggressive e-mail from my second sex worker, and now, I was determined to try again. The pain I’ve experienced was not her fault. Our breakup just pushed me over the edge. I was already too overburdened with the toxic negativity as I met too many narcissistic Canadians over the ten years who made sure to let me know how my love, light, and knowledge were not welcomed on their lands. My third soulmate just hammered the last nail into my cross.
While doing death journeys for Emilia, I attempted to stay in death and force myself to drown in the bathtub. I enjoy spending time in death because there are no lies, games, and manipulations, so I wanted to continue my existence there. Living in death feels more balanced and engaging, if that makes any sense because there’s nothing to hide. Besides, my spiritual friends in that world always accepted my essence and talents, so I felt more needed there than among the living.
Of course, Emilia and Eurydice did everything they could to prevent my death. Their support and pleas were full of genuine love for the light of my soul. Of course, they wanted me to complete their healing, but they also saw the highest potential of my work and believed in my talents as strongly as Veronica did. They were convinced that one day, I would find a way to apply my talents. And I also couldn’t leave them because I was still a man of my word. I promised to supervise their healing journeys until the end. I knew the date of Emilia’s last death journey, so I decided to simply endure this process and choose what to do with my life after I returned Emilia to her body. The whole point of my confession was to give this woman another chance for life, and I wanted to complete my promise.
Veronica helped me a lot through this challenging time. She spent a year living together with Brian and then the next year living alone, trying to recover from this toxic and abusive relationship, where she almost lost herself again from new pains. Veronica and Brian accumulated complex karma and spiritual debts between their souls over the past few lives. We both worked hard over these years to resolve their issues so she could be liberated from those traumas. Veronica barely managed to leave Brian after he threatened her with physical violence if she attempted to leave him. He also threatened to kill me because he believed that I was the reason why Veronica wanted to leave him, not because of his appalling treatment of women. Veronica was only able to escape that relationship with the help of the police, who acted as mediators in the conflict between the three of us.
Veronica was healing her own wounds, but seeing my dire state, she felt she needed to help me. During our first years in Canada, she struggled with suicidal thoughts all the time, and on so many days, I was terrified to leave her alone in our apartment when I needed to go to university classes or to work. She endured even more pain on these lands than I did. She was an immigrant with an accent, but she was also a woman. She had good English, but in the beginning, she didn’t have the vocabulary to speak on an equal level and defend herself against Canadians. She would close off in challenging situations (as she was still processing personal traumas of relocation and the death of her father that happened shortly after we moved to Vancouver), and surely, Canadians used every opportunity to mock, humiliate, and diminish her. Common bullying was widespread in this culture.
Seeing how I was equally abused in my everyday reality didn’t help as well. No matter how we tried to change our lives and adapt to the harsh realities of this country, Veronica felt that we would never find our place here. We spent almost thirty thousand dollars of our family’s savings (the last money we had) to relocate to Canada, only to be met with contempt and hatred here. But we literally didn’t have any other place to go, as the country we grew up in decided to go to war with the country we were born in. So Veronica really believed killing herself would be the best way to end our shared miseries.
We talked about suicide way too often during our time living together in Canada. We always believed that if one of us would find an existing point (as we knew that many things have to align spiritually for a successful suicide), then the other one would follow easily. Now, seeing my distress, it was Veronica’s time to support me through the same struggles she endured before, even though her painful breakup with Brian had also sent her back into that dark space again.
This society had outlined only two paths for artists and shamans like us - we could either live on the street with drug addiction or kill ourselves. However, we believed that Canadian claims of superiority had no merit, so they had no right to decide what kind of lives we were allowed to live on these lands. We concluded that if we killed ourselves, then Canadians would win, and we didn’t want to give our abusers such a pleasure. We were also shocked by many stories of immigrants who hoped to find refuge in Canada but found salvation only in suicide because of this society. We believed that if we managed to survive, then their deaths would not be in vain. We were especially touched by the story of one Ukrainian woman whose soul communicated with both of us from the other side. She ran away from the persecution of the KGB but killed herself in Vancouver after she was repeatedly abused by a narcissistic Canadian who valued his obsession with communism more than the unconditional love of this woman. She had the same sad fate of falling in love with a lost soul and suffered exactly like us. So, she encouraged us to continue fighting, as she was too weak to do it alone.
But this time around, my desire to die existed both in my thoughts and in my entire body. My cells received new negative vibrations, as the moment my body allowed itself to open up to a woman after previous traumas, it endured new excruciating pains. After I made the first death journey for Emilia, I also assumed all of the darkness of her essence, including every trauma she endured in her past lives. Emilia and I understood that we had to release her darkness as fast as possible; otherwise, it would consume my essence, as I was simply too weak at that moment in life, and I simply wouldn’t survive.
There was clearly something about my design that I still didn’t understand, as even if I went into the death dimension without suicidal thoughts, I always returned with them. Also, constantly seeing how Emilia was raped, tortured, beaten, and murdered through centuries without the possibility to defend her crushed my desire to live. If I had something joyful in life to return to or at least some physical connection with female energy, my healing journey with Emilia would not be so painful.
Then, one day, Emilia found out how she could help me. We realized that I could immerse deeper in death if I intentionally meditated on my suicidal thoughts and allowed them to engulf me. That’s why they were always natural to me, as it turned out that they were my energy source in the death dimension. The hurtful rejection of my third soulmate drove me to a point where I actually wanted to die, but that was the best way to learn more about the essence of my work. We got emotional during our last meeting because this woman was sending me to the war for her soul, and we intuitively felt that I might not return alive.
Emilia suggested balancing suicidal energies with an inspirational dream about the future that could entice me to return to life. All I wanted at that time was to see this woman again, even briefly and even in the distant future, so my aspiration to behold her light became my special reason to stay alive. I discovered that if I held her image in my heart and the back of my mind, I felt safe in the death dimension and never got lost. In every ceremony, her image floated behind me like an exquisitely painted icon of a virgin and a saint. My beautiful and tranquil dreams about this woman shined over me with special, celestial light to illuminate my journey through the darkness.
My love for this woman opened up new levels of my talents. She protected me like a guardian angel in the darkest corners of death dimensions. I didn’t even have to worry about possible accidental death anymore because my dreams about her always brought me back. I was angry with this woman, as she brought so much pain into my life, but she was the one who ultimately saved me. She was teaching me how to achieve true mastery in my craft and supervised my final transition into manhood. She just knew what to do with me.
We had scheduled death journeys every six days, and we slowly tried to master my design, but I still struggled with everything we had to do while continuing on my day job and with other pressing issues. It was the most overwhelming period of my life. So Emilia thought that if we could complement death journeys with regression therapy and talk through her most challenging and dramatic lives, then we could release that darkness faster before it would take a toll on me. But we had to have a trusted person to do this job, and Emilia knew that only Veronica could help us in such an endeavor.
Emilia was aware that Veronica was angry at her for the heartbreak I endured from her body and for agreeing to heal another soul. Veronica was worried that I simply didn’t have the financial or emotional resources for this work. She saw how shattered my psyche was, so she preferred that I invest resources in healing myself, but it was just an option for me. Emilia thought that if she asked Veronica to guide her through past lives, then they may potentially become friends in the process, release their misunderstandings, and Veronica would eventually accept her despite the troubles she brought into our lives. Emilia blamed herself for my new conflicts with Veronica because of her, and we didn’t like our dynamics at all.
To our surprise, Veronica enthusiastically agreed to this offer. She wanted to practice her skills of guiding regressions, as she recently began practicing this craft and knew how much it would help me with my work. Veronica was surely jealous of how I talked about the woman from my dreams. She didn’t enjoy hearing how much I desired a union and a family with that woman. She also didn’t like when Emilia talked about her feelings to me. But slowly, we found a way to move past those complications and found new ways to improve our relationships.
We conducted eight two-hour sessions during which Veronica talked with Emilia through her complex emotions. Veronica guided me into hypnosis, and then I allowed Emilia to take over my body and travel into her past lives, talking about her traumas with Veronica through me. During these journeys, Veronica helped Emilia to understand the essence of love as she struggled to grasp the truth about this emotion. Emilia had many strange love stories in the past, and in every instance, she claimed that she simply didn’t understand love nor ever actually experienced it.
In every single life, Emilia claimed that she doesn’t know what love is. But Veronica found a way to relate to Emilia and show her that she did experience true love; she just couldn’t always recognize it and unapologetically embody that feeling. It was very important for Emilia to talk with a woman about her conflicting emotions from relationships she experienced in past lives, and she was also glad she could better understand her feelings to me by talking about them with Veronica. We visited our first life two times, and talking about our romance and my death in that life with Veronica really advanced Emilia’s healing. Emilia was also really glad that Veronica never did such sessions for Eurydice, making her feel special and privileged in her competition with Eurydice.
However, Veronica assumed some of Emilia’s darkness during sessions to help us release them as fast as possible, and unfortunately, that made her somewhat resentful of Emilia’s nature. They fought a lot for some time after the sessions. They couldn’t find a balanced way to interact without blaming one another, as Emilia was consumed by her insecurities and our strange predicament of living in my body. At the same time, Veronica was angry that I still struggled with my self-destructive patterns of behavior and suicidal thoughts. And, of course, on many days, she was processing her own challenges and traumas of an equally complicated nature, as the feelings of grief, heartbreak, and guilt from the past occasionally haunted her.
It was very hard for Emilia to get used to experiencing life through my body, and she really wasn’t comfortable with how that exacerbated my distressed state. It felt more natural when we lived with Eurydice, as we were parts of one soul, but Emilia was a completely different being. We also hadn’t seen each other for a long time, so we kind of bumped our heads more often, and our everyday problems of living in Canada never went away, so surely the conflicts were quite natural for all of us at that time.
But after we completed all regressions and death journeys, Veronica and Emilia bonded in the most unusual way. Veronica saw Emilia in the most distressed states and challenging circumstances. Now, she knew who Emilia was in her highest essence, as she couldn’t hide her truth in regressions. Emilia invited Veronica into her inner world and showed the memories from the darkest moments of her past that she tried to forget or wasn’t proud of. But experiencing such a level of vulnerability in front of both of us turned out to be very healing for Emilia.
Veronica also supported the integration of Emilia’s lessons. For the next few months, they met at least once a week for a walk in Stanley Park, where they discussed the nature of love, art, and beauty, our everyday misunderstandings of a man and a woman, the purpose of sex work, and the ethics behind this profession, as well as Emilia’s dreams for our possible future. Emilia also asked Veronica’s advice on how to deal with me and how we can have a more harmonious relationship. This complex healing from both of us rapidly cleared all of Emilia’s darkness, and soon, Emilia excitedly looked forward to having a session with Veronica over a walk or a cup of tea. And surely Emilia enjoyed that they conducted their sessions in Russian.
When we completed the main part of our spiritual work for Emilia, she wanted to help me heal from this heartbreak. First, we turned my anger into a sacred rage and decided to write a book about our perceptions of sexual healing arts. Eurydice led this endeavor as she needed to fulfill the dream she made upon her previous tragic death as Eloise. This woman always knew in her heart that she was born to be a whore, but the shame of society made Eloise question herself too many times, and her doubts of self-worth eventually led to a violent death at the age of twenty-seven. She wasn’t stabbed to death because she was a whore, but in Eloise’s mind, society killed her because it was rejecting her essence and the truth of her heart. So, she wanted to find spiritual explanations behind her natural talents and why she felt in her heart that she was born as a sex worker.
Eloise’s intuition always told her she lived the life she was supposed to live. Still, she wanted to find actual spiritual answers behind her intuitive feminine understanding of her essence. When Eloise was dying, she cried out of hopelessness against the cruelty of people who forced her to be ashamed of her divine talents when she always knew who she was created to be and what magical, healing light she carried in the world. She was proud of herself on most days when she saw how joyful and elated her clients were after sessions with her. She knew that she had made this world a better place and enjoyed her sensual and seductive talents despite the criticism of people.
One of the reasons why we met with Eurydice in this life was to avenge Eloise’s pains and redeem her tears. Through the spiritual research we conducted together, we proved that being a whore is not a choice but a destined purpose of a soul. We proved that women are born as whores, and there’s nothing that people can do to change that. We proved that a whore knows in her heart that she was born to live a life of a whore. We proved that those who attack whores, would be inevitably born as whores in one of their next lives. We proved that only spiritually ignorant societies have negative perceptions of sex work and that any society can’t claim any superior status if it doesn’t have temples of sexual healing arts.
Emilia and I wanted to help Eurydice with her book. Three of us decided to turn our aspirations, passions, conflicting thoughts, and frustrations with modern sex work into art. We also channeled our personal wisdom on the nature of this profession from our four past lives of practicing this craft. We wanted to present a comprehensive study of the subject and capture our points of view from those lives and what those experiences have taught our souls.
My naive idealism and general shyness got me in trouble on my path of sexual explorations. I stumbled and fell, trying to piece together different teachings and personal experiences into my own coherent understanding of sexual healing arts. There were so many twisted teachings and manipulative perspectives around me. On my path, I met practitioners and teachers who used terms like sacred intimacy, sexual healing, and energy exchanges on their websites, and I trusted them more than I should’ve. Many literally didn’t know the meanings of those words, or they strategically chose them to pursue certain types of clients (or even cynically used them to distance themselves from other sex workers, as if these words made them better). It was common to discover a sexual priestess who didn’t approach sex work as a profession or who, under the weight of personal shame and outside judgment, turned into a predator for money, energy, or self-pleasure (the main trap for women in this profession, usually caused by some kind of soul disassociation).
Through my shamanic adventure, I unexpectedly uncovered one of the honest dreams I have in this life. I wished to restore the sacredness of sexual healing arts in the ancient temple traditions, both for sexual priests and priestesses. So many people offered rudimentary variations of sexual healing without exploring the magic of energy exchanges and other spiritual possibilities of sex, like embodying divine deities. And there were certainly no offerings to pursue the strengthening of aura or explore the ancient sex magic, where lovers master serpent energies to receive the elixir of divine bliss. The potential of this art form was often butchered and turned into shallow entertainment for the rich and powerful or a chase for new varieties of physical pleasures to escape the existential pains of life.
The sexuality felt removed from a spiritual foundation in this culture. Sex work was mainly concentrated around physical touch, based on the assumption that there’s nothing more to a human than just a physical form. Sex magic can only occur when two souls collide into one being through a magical trance of lovemaking, but when practitioners don’t believe in the existence of a soul and don’t even understand the essence of the human energy body, they can’t really provide the highest sexual healing.
Indeed, many traumas of the body, which can hold memories of sexual abuses and entrapped emotions of shame on a cellular level, could be healed through conscientious touch (also known as somatic bodywork), but it does not take into account the highest intentions of sexual healing arts to empower the soul and charging the energy body. Without this work and honest aspiration for personal spiritual transformation (or the actual desire to heal oneself with a commitment to integration), it’s impossible to talk about true liberation available for humans through sex.
So, I had a vision of a higher middle path of sex and empowering practices of sexual alchemy that I saw in my spiritual visions from past lives and during lovemaking rituals with the souls. I knew that if souls could merge in the most intense ways when connected through chakras and serpent energies, then the same was possible on a physical level. So, I hoped that one day, I would find a way to bridge the channelings of sexual alchemy practices into reality, even though I had no idea how to do that.
While we were together with Eurydice, she discovered the most unique and interesting books on sexual healing arts for us. I completed most of my research only thanks to her efforts and passionate desire to figure out this craft. We learned a lot from those works and incorporated new practices in our intimate spiritual adventures, but we experienced much more in our spiritual lovemaking rituals on a soul level and desired to structure that knowledge. We collected what we could and adjusted each practice according to our spiritual understandings. We never blindly followed any gurus or teachers; instead, we only accepted the practices that felt right to us, but even then, we modified them in ways that felt right to us, as that’s how it should be for any couple because each person has unique talents and needs.
When we discovered my past life as a sexual priestess, Cassandra, and her sacred work in the Tempe of Isis, where she offered the programs of sexual alchemy, we did a few channeling sessions asking her to explain to us what sexual healing arts mean for her and the main purposes of sex magic in her opinion (we present her answers in Eurydice’s book that’s yet to be published).
Cassandra explained to us the true esoteric meaning of sex magic and told us how she conducted her sessions or, rather, healing journeys with clients. She rarely accepted lovers for single sessions. It had to be a spiritual adventure where all elements of sexual energy exchanges could be explored. She described how sexual priestesses and priests initiated people into the highest potential of their souls, where clients received spiritual seals as I did in this life. Now, I have a much clearer vision of what kind of sexual healing arts I aspire to restore.
I dreamed how awesome it would be if I were Cassandra in this life again instead of existing in this limited masculine body, as my present-day sexual energies could only be matched to hers. In all of my other masculine lives, I had never been intimate with more than two women throughout life, and in most of them, I was an asexual person or close to that spectrum. My soul knew how to work with highly sexual energies in a female body but struggled to navigate them in a male one.
I felt connected to Cassandra in ways that I wasn’t to any of my past incarnations. It was indeed my most empowering past life, and I learned so much from this woman, mostly about life itself, not even sexual healing. Surely, she was able to achieve that once she mastered her sexual talents and charged energy body, but her philosophy on life resonated with me in ways I can’t describe. I read many philosophical books written by men, but the wisdom of Cassandra felt closer to my heart, and she could capture the essence of her truth in a few simple words, which was impossible for most male philosophers.
Cassandra knew how to allow life to exist through her, mastered every part of her essence, and was simply in love with everything she was. We were both clairvoyant shamans who were excitingly inspired to explore sexual alchemy in all its forms and variations. We were both driven by the same intense desires and sensed life quite similarly. Energetically and spiritually, she was my closest reflection (the next to her was Camilla, so that’s why I struggled with sex dysphoria in this life for as long as I can remember).
I was really upset that I wasn’t born as Cassandra, but since I couldn’t be her, I realized that I dreamed of discovering what it’s like to be Cassandra’s client. My entire being demanded to find such a woman in this life. Of course, it seemed like an impossible dream in my contemporary reality (and surely I couldn’t afford the offerings of a healing journey with such a woman). However, I thought I should still write down my ideas and visions and see where this path would lead me. Now, I also began to realize that if I were born in a male body with highly sexual energies, I would have to understand what it means to be a sexual priest and what kind of services they offered in the Temple of Isis. It surely seemed like a long path in front of me, but that gave me another inspiration to live.
Emilia, Eurydice, and I discussed what kind of perceptions on sexual healing and sacred intimacy we wanted to avoid and presented our findings in Eurydice’s book. For us, sacred intimacy implies experiencing sexual energy exchanges beyond physical pleasures, including emotional, mental, and energy body levels, as well as through a soul connection. It requires mastering clear communication between partners. It demands that both lovers completely surrender to their unique, one-of-a-kind intimate dance with an unwavering and unconditional love for themselves. Self-love allows us to see a facet, a reflection of us in our lover, and that’s how we can show up in love.
Sex becomes sacred for both partners when they join in this practice full of love for themselves. We love our unique, intricate complexities through loving our partner in intimate practice. But that can only happen through complete acceptance of oneself. So sexual healing is simply impossible without a basic respect for the truth, feelings, and emotions of another living sentient being. Or in other words, any kind of intimacy is impossible if one partner judges another (like a provider judging a client for seeing a sex worker, which was more common than I thought).
Sexual healing requires a devotional presence in the moment and an authentic embodiment of one’s inner essence. It implies honoring with appreciation and reverence both masculine and feminine polarities as equal co-creators of life who join in spiritual dance with a mutual appreciation to achieve healing and growth for both. Sexual healing is not supposed to be about hedonism or indulgence. It is not a form of escapism from the existential pains of life but an art form that can help us transcend sufferings and come to peace with the complexities of a human experience. Joy and pleasure are not the goals of sexual healing but pathways to charge our auras so we can protect ourselves from malevolent energies while reaching for our highest potential and achieving spiritual empowerment.
Assisting Eurydice with this book allowed Emilia to release the remaining dark veils of her past traumas and fully step into her power. Emilia proposed further steps for my healing. First, she found an intimacy coach for me in California. Through a series of video sessions and devotional everyday Sadhana practices, we worked to restore my nervous system, rediscover deeper intimacy with myself, cleanse all negative energies of my last heartbreak, and find a way to fall in love with my story.
Then Emilia and Eurydice guided me to meet my next destined sex worker. The intuition of my soulmates claimed this woman could revive me, but I was extremely apprehensive and anxious to meet her, anticipating new emotional pains. Yet this connection turned out to be a transformational one in the most positive sense and returned me back to life. This woman healed my emotional pains with her caring and nourishing energies, and through our intimate journey, we received the spiritual seal of King Solomon-Sophia. We also discovered that Emilia, Eurydice, and I had been friends with this soul in our previous lives, even though we never met Emilia in that one, so we were simply destined to meet.
I have to admit that it is quite a one-of-a-kind feeling when the soul of a woman I wish to marry chooses lovers for me. My shyness and the hermit nature of my soul often suppress my natural desires, but Emilia sensed them better than I did. She often pushed me to stop my nonsense and bravely face an intimate connection with a woman.
Now, when Emilia feels I need a sexual encounter for my health and well-being, she insists on visiting a sex worker. Emilia likes to learn what it’s like to be a male client of a sex worker, as she can access my memories after the sessions. Emilia chooses and approves my connection with a soul before I go into a session to make sure that I’m not driven by lust but guided by my natural desires, which always lead to inner empowerment. Any connection with a sex worker based on love always brings me inspiration to write and helps to release stress after death journeys, so I’m grateful that Emilia guides me on this path.
Eurydice, Emilia, and I were surprised to discover how the connection with my fourth sexual priestess allowed us to advance Emilia’s healing. Emilia’s hex she received in her second life troubled us greatly, but I didn’t know what I could do to release it. This hex bonded Emilia to irrationally seek dependent, unhealthy relationships with her karmic soulmate for the next seven lives. It forced her to romantically love this soul, even though they were created to share the love of spiritual siblings and grow together without the complications of romantic partnerships. Because of this hex, Emilia experienced and understood true, unconditional, romantic love only in two lives out of nine (one of which was our life together). She couldn’t understand the essence of love because she was cursed from experiencing the true magic of this feeling.
This hex had the same karmic purpose as evil spirits who hunted two of my other soulmates. Like Damian’s curse prevented Eurydice from believing in the genuineness of my feelings, this hex did the same to Emilia, and that’s why my third soulmate didn’t believe in the honesty of my offer. But at that point in my journey, I didn’t believe in hexes at all. I thought they existed only in movies and books, not real life. The existence of dark spirits who possess humans is easy to accept for most people because we constantly encounter those who are clearly possessed by demonic entities. Mass shootings, unimaginable violent domestic crimes, and intentional destructive behavior are usually empowered by such evil spirits, so it was easy for me to accept the nature of Damian and Nathaniel.
But I just couldn’t believe that someone would spend their precious time on Earth to cast an evil hex on another soul. A ritual to successfully place such a curse requires weeks of intense preparations and committed dedication to the hatred of another, so I couldn’t picture a magician who could be so obsessed with hurting someone, especially such a fragile and genuine soul like Emilia. I also understood that such practices would permanently corrupt the soul of a magician. Even the black magicians knew what consequences awaited them if they did something like that to another soul because such hexes essentially compromise the free will of a soul, and that’s a violation of the laws of Nature. So, the souls of such magicians would be inevitably bonded to receive painful retribution one day.
Yet, as we continued to explore Emilia’s lives, it became apparent that she was indeed cursed to suffer without experiencing the highest essence of love and what it really means to feel truly loved. Like Eurydice, she often couldn’t recognize love and believed she was all alone in this world. The hex simply made Emilia question her self-worth all the time. But even after we discovered the exact moment when the hex was cast and saw how a wicked witch cursed Emilia through a ritual of animal sacrifice under the full moon, I still didn’t understand how to release this hex. We studied what we could, but the real breakthrough happened only after I received spiritual talents through a new initiation with my fourth escort. Yes, I was destined to fall in love with another sexual priestess so I could heal the woman I aspired to marry. This story shows the true magic of sex work and the importance of this craft to improve the lives of our loved ones.
The spiritual seal of Salomon is quite different from others, as this god can bring various talents to an initiate, depending on their essence and the advancement on their path. Usually, King Salomon is perceived as a wizard who can command and capture dark and light spirits, but I already had some experience in that craft. So King Salomon manifested through my essence as a wise hermit and a clandestine magician who can capture and absolve different hexes and curses but was also very shy and reserved in bed. Even though he was in love with his Sophia, he still enjoyed their time outside the bedroom more. I enjoyed hiding, reading, and writing more than anything else while integrating the seal of Salomon.
So, after obtaining this new seal, I could finally lock Emilia’s hex and liberate her from its destructive programs. Coincidentally, I received these talents in late October, so Emilia decided that it would be symbolic to release this hex on Samhain (or Halloween) to utilize the energies of lifted veils between the worlds and amplify our magic with the collective energies of people who wasted them on mindless madness that day. We conducted our ceremony at night in Stanley Park, burying this hex on the special plot of land governed by an ancient, sacred female oath of protection created by seven Inuit sisters, which guarded a portal in the soil that could absorb and completely dissolve hexes, curses, and demonic energies.
When we finally released this hex, we scheduled a death journey to meet with Osiris so we could report the case of a witch who did this to Emilia, as now her soul had to be punished in accordance with the laws of Nature. After we shared the entire story of this horrible hex over tea in the parlor room of the temple of Isis, comfortably enjoying ourselves next to the magical fireplace, Osiris contemplated his options and announced a verdict. He chose to chain the soul of this witch in Purgatory (with our agreement and participation) until she would endure the same amount of suffering for her transgressions as Emilia did. The hex was the last challenge on our healing journey, and Emilia finally completed her transformation into a liberated and empowered soul. Now, she was dancing more than she cried.
Some may say I don’t love the woman from my dreams if I write openly about our drama. But for me, honestly, telling our story is the best proof of this love. There would be no drama between us if we didn’t have feelings for one another. The way our story played out feels like a statement in itself. She didn’t leave me other options to fight for her heart, but I simply couldn’t contain this feeling inside, and I would resent myself if I didn’t find a way to express my genuine feelings to her. I have only my truth, and I always follow the advice of my heart on this journey, which asked me to pour my soul into this work. With this text, I hope to heal the negative energies we created between us. And I genuinely believe this woman knows better than I do why this testament had to be written this way, as she is the feminine principle of this entire creation. For some higher reason, her heart desired for this work to exist in this world.
In my opinion, if you love someone, you should always tell the truth and be honest about how your beloved made you feel. Love gives the courage to talk openly about everything. Being truthful is the highest commitment of love, especially when discussing the vow of marriage. I think an honest conversation is the only way to achieve true healing and reconciliation.
I wouldn’t have discovered the inspiration to write this work and a novel about our story if I didn't love this woman. I feel my love for her when I dream of seeing her grace one day, if only from a distance. I experience this love when I’m worrying about her safety every day. I embody this love during every practice and healing ceremony. I feel its magnitude every time I feel defeated, and this love immediately brings me back the inspiration to live.
My feelings are also expressed in my commitment to helping Emilia on her path. I love how this soul challenges me like no one else does. We indeed have a unique romance. She just feels me in a very special way and always guides me to empowerment with her intuition, softness, and feminine grace. She simply knows how to balance my masculine madness (well, maybe not always, but we are getting there). I love how she uplifts me with her swirls of joy through my apartment when I’m sad, showering me with sparkling particles of her magical energy so I would be more inspired to continue our unique work. I love the way we investigate every spiritual knowledge and perception together. Only love supported me through all these months of our demanding spiritual work. Without my feelings, I would never be able to heal every one of Emilia’s wounds. Love helped me see Emilia's divine essence and her highest potential in this life. She would always have access to my space, whether for help or fun, as I love how we grow through our interactions.
I think I'm a very lucky man. I was blessed with a chance to live with the soul of my dream woman. I allowed her soul to live through me so I could experience her feminine essence and magical flow. Her soul directly shared with me her sensations, thoughts, and dreams. I gave away my body and allowed her to do whatever she pleases, without any restraints, so that I could feel life as her. I visited every one of her nine past lives and re-lived every one of her deaths so I could explore every facet of her being and uncover hidden supernatural talents she could reclaim from those lives.
So, I’m well aware of the superb excellence of this woman and the importance of the divine, spiritual work she is destined to do in this life. I can see her unique truth and magical essence through the facets of her soul. I feel honored and pleased that I was granted an opportunity to protect, support, and empower her, if only on a soul level. Yes, she is not the only Magdalene woman in this world, but I will continue to believe she is my Magdalene woman, and I will dream of our union, at least for as long as she continues to visit my dreams.
CHAPTER VII
The Declaration of Liberation (or kintsugi).
I’m contemplating what love brought into my life as I write the story of my spiritual awakening. I understood the essence of love because I was not allowed to love. My complex adventure made me resent my love. Women hated me for my love and didn't want to feel hated anymore, so I chose to reject my entire essence. I was denying myself the experience of love only because of what others thought of my love. But my love enveloped my whole heart, and it couldn’t just disappear at someone’s whim. My heart never expected or demanded anything from anybody; it simply desired to love without being shamed or attacked. My heart couldn’t understand why I was trying to suppress new feelings if it was designed to love.
My heart was cracked open many times on my path. Heartbreak after heartbreak, grief upon grief, and loss followed by another loss. Each time I cried from new pains, I didn’t know if I could endure my torturing education any longer. New pains enveloped me the moment I resolved previous ones, and I started to believe that I was living a nightmare that I wouldn’t ever escape. Even when I experienced joyful moments, I couldn’t savor them because my entire body was full of grief.
But once all the tears had run out, I started to count the blessings those heartbreaks brought into my life. My tragedies were leading me to my glory. I was not afraid to welcome more love anymore. Divine love streamed through the cracks each time I broke my heart. I was welcoming this heavenly light to shine through me. I didn’t regret anything that happened on my path anymore once I embodied the fullness of each love.
When I stopped trying to protect my heart from new grief, I realized how much love and forgiveness it can hold. My heart was building the capacity to accept more love, as my soul was destined to create his ultimate Legacy of Love on Earth. This is his last life and a farewell party. I’m destined to meet all souls who crossed his path in past lives - lovers, relatives, and friends. We are meeting again to thank each other for the magical times we shared on this incredible journey.
All of them are destined to break my heart through love or death because my soul arrived to say his last goodbyes to them. But through this journey, we would leave behind the light of our unconditional love on Earth. If I’m writing a book about my love for a woman, it means that she is also writing this book, and together, we are making the world a more beautiful place as we share our unique stories full of genuine love.
It puzzles me how anyone can tell another person who they can or can’t love. Unconditional love belongs to a soul, and that’s the highest truth of love. People have no control over true love. I couldn’t simply stop loving a woman only because she demanded that. A woman could deny herself the magical, uplifting, and inspiring energies of love, but she could never claim ownership of my love. I still had a choice to honor the highest magic of this feeling and savor this love with or without a woman.
No one could command my love because I received this light directly from Heavens as the reward for my shamanic work of healing souls. Every time I completed my required spiritual assignments, I was blessed with a new divine love. Every time, I asked Spirits to compensate my services with money, but each time, they rejected my request, as they always prepared a much better reward for me: a new unconditional love.
It’s pretty strange that people made confessing our feelings so challenging. Expressing words of love should feel like a liberating and empowering celebration because we illuminate life with magical words of admiration for another soul. Love allows us to see the highest essence of our beloved and their magical, divine light. We can see who they really are beyond the physical body, which is just temporary clothes for the soul. Truly loving another means seeing their soul. Love should never be silenced, as sharing feelings doesn’t imply wanting anything in return. Pure love never wishes to own another. It simply exists and doesn’t require any conditions to bloom. It’s shining equally beautiful when I’m close to my beloved or far away. Even through the pain, love is always ready to excuse, trust, hope, and endure whatever comes.
When we reject love, we might reject the last love of our lives. Nature constantly tests us and might not grant us new love if she sees how we ran away the last time. I was always rewarded with more love because I wasn’t afraid to claim any love on my path. Even if I loved a woman only for one day, it was still a genuine love that enriched both of us. I learned to embody any love in my heart so I would never have to let it go.
My resentment of my essence taught me how to claim more love from divinity. Now, I don’t need to wait until my love unravels over time. I learned how to access the fullness of love directly from the skies and fill my heart with those energies. I discovered this practice from my life as Cassandra, and I believe it’s available for all authentic whores. When a client or a lover appears on my path, I can access the energy cloud of love assigned specifically to the two of us and receive the entirety of love stored in it.
Love becomes a fuel that empowers my desire to provide healing and advice to souls because loving someone unconditionally and without judgment is already enough to heal them. When I accept the fullness of any love, I can also assess how long it will last, and that allows me to be more prepared to process the emotions of separation once our journey runs its course.
People often don’t claim the entirety of love because they wait to confirm if another person is also opening up to this love. But in this way, we are depriving ourselves of the complexity of this feeling because we expect validation of our experience instead of allowing life to live through us. And we are also wasting our time on pointless reservations instead of receiving the healing and inspiring energies of love. Most romantic love has an expiration date, and one can never know how long it will last, but that’s why it’s so important to claim it fully.
There’s no such thing as nonreciprocal love, as love is always gifted for two souls. If another person chooses not to claim their love, they are the ones who are missing out on experiencing the magic of this feeling. It’s tragic to see how people refuse to fully immerse themselves in every love that appears on their paths, no matter how short the romance may be. Love always makes us better, so when we reject love, we tell ourselves we will never be good enough. Our lives are so finite; it’s just a brief glimpse between birth and death. Or, as my dear teacher Mary Magdalene likes to remind me, there’s no need to rush in life, but not a moment to waste. So why would someone want to escape love, knowing they would die one day?
I was always convinced that a human being could experience the highest romantic love only to one person in their life. But Nature surprised me with my fate. My romance with Veronica ran its course, but the love between our souls reinvented itself and now shines with different hues. We are not vibrating as romantic partners, yet we still feel the love between us, only in a different form. My journey with Eurydice was also shorter than I wished, yet I would never have arrived at my empowerment without my spiritual romance with this unique, daring, and stubborn soul. So I will always love her in a very special way.
My experiences showed me that my heart can love more than one woman at the same time with equally magical romantic love. Yes, the love for the woman from my dreams shines the strongest, but it never diminished the light of other loves nor took away my devotion, appreciation, and admiration for any woman I loved. Each love has a unique frequency and distinct light, crafted for only two particular souls and could not be replicated. Each love is exceptional because our souls have distilled this emotion with unique tragedies and joys of past lives that only two of us have experienced.
My beloved soulmates pushed me away, hoping to create enough pain to destroy my love, but they never succeeded. They redirected my love towards their souls by not allowing me to express my feelings. Three souls asked me to find the answers to their spiritual questions, as they wanted to know why they chose to be sexual healing artists in this life, how this craft advances them on their divine feminine evolutionary journey, why Nature created whores, and how sex magic works. These were great questions that I didn’t know how to answer, but I had the spiritual talents to find them for my soulmates, so I embarked on my unique journey to express my love through uncovering spiritual truths about sexual healing arts.
I was surprised that my path led me into the world of sex work. It was never a conscious decision or some secret aspiration. On the contrary, I did everything I could to avoid that world. For a long time, I felt out of place, intimidated, perplexed, and bewildered by everything unraveling before me. I was uncomfortable in that world, and surely, it pushed me away in response. I was crushed by shame, judgment, and fear that were never my own, but I could only receive my masculine initiations through these pains, and once I found myself on the other side, I finally understood why my journey had to be confusing. Now, I honor my soul for choosing a life with such an empowering purpose.
Quite early on in my education, I learned that I knew how to find the answers to spiritual and esoteric questions of sex workers. I discovered that I can see the highest essence and purpose of their souls, as well as the tragedies and glories of their past lives. At first, I struggled to embrace those unexpected talents, as I didn’t know who might ever need them or how I could apply them in the real world. On too many occasions, I struggled to figure out how to interact with Canadian women without hurting myself, so I believed there was no value in embodying this talent while I was living here.
But healing souls is not a job for me. It is a destiny and a calling. My spiritual work provides me with a sense of purpose and belonging. When I saw how three souls were shining in a new light and found ways to empower their bodies to achieve their highest female dreams, I finally realized how healing it would be for me to fully own my talents. I witnessed how my soulmates found a new sense of appreciation for life once we completed their healing. I enjoy a one-of-a-kind feeling when I see a female soul become liberated from past traumas and proudly claim her unique truth.
I never thought my shamanic journey would lead to fulfilling such a unique purpose bestowed upon my soul by Nature. Sex workers are carrying the cross with the sins of their society, and this cross is very heavy, so I’m helping them in this noble endeavor as that’s who Nature created me to be. I did not choose my design, but I chose to provide the service for Nature in the form she needs. And Nature commanded me to do this work.
I agreed to embrace my spiritual journey only because I wholeheartedly believed in the truth of my heart and had unwavering faith in divinity. I committed to follow my spiritual guidance and the callings of my soul. My path led me to encounter three incredibly unique women, but I would never have met them if I hadn’t listened to the voices of the Heavens and Lands. I went to see them not because I desired a woman but only because I had faith in my spiritual guidance, and I needed to test it. I was not searching for love, relationships, or sex when I embarked on my shamanic path. I just wanted to find myself. So I invited troubles, turbulence, grief, loss, madness, and pain, following the calling of my masculine essence to attain the highest degree of mastery in my craft, but it turned out that I couldn’t do it without my dear soulmates.
And now, we have arrived at a point in our fairy tale where the evil villain who stands in the way of true love has to be exposed. This story clearly shows the malevolent force that doesn’t allow love to exist in this world. Our hero realized that to win his battle and finally liberate himself from the shackles of slavery and oppression, he has to surrender to love. He has counted his blessings and arrived at a place of inner purpose. The fear in his heart was transmuted into courage. Now, he is finally ready to confront the villain with honest grievances to balance his blessings, as that’s the law of Nature.
Presenting only this chapter would be enough to fulfill my contract obligations to the Sechelt Spirits. However, I find that the intricate details described in previous chapters make a more compelling case against malevolence and tyranny because the light of unconditional love empowers these genuine grievances.
Just imagine how much better the Declaration of Independence could have been if it was preceded by a real-life story of how Thomas Jefferson dreamed to court Martha Skelton Wayles but felt too shy to confess his feelings and was afraid she wouldn’t return his affections (because he knew she struggled to let go of her late husband), how he questioned his heart and yearned for months to see a woman of his dreams once again, how he consulted with her soul on a distance before allowing their romance to flourish, how he eventually surrendered to love, so he could birth the Declaration of Independence together with Martha, who was the female principle of that creation.
Thomas courageously defeated the most powerful army in the world with words of self-evident truth because his love for his dear Martha empowered them. Martha’s soul described to him a vision of a free and liberated country where people won’t be afraid to be themselves, inspiring Thomas to put the divine words of the Declaration into action to create such a nation. They both believed that people had the right to live in liberty, bravely following the purposes and destinies of their souls. They understood that it was only possible through liberation from European ideologies of slavery and the moral oppression of Christianity. The tyranny of the Crown and the Church equally worried both lovers. They believed in the divine order of life, not in the superstitions of people who craved to enslave others. So Thomas was called to create a Garden in the divine design of his goddess, where all people should be treated equally and honored for the highest truths of their souls.
So, as I aspire to build the dream Garden for the woman from my dreams, let’s continue our story with some undeniable self-evident truths. It is evident that our world is governed by the divine order, where all men are created equal, carrying the principle of initiative action, and all women are created equal, but with superior talents to men and carrying the principle of creation. Both men and women are endowed by their Creator and his Divine Goddess with certain, equal, unalienable rights, like Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.
The laws of Nature balance the reality of our world. Every law is unavoidable, and every decision or intention is judged in accordance with these divine rules. Even though masculine and feminine souls have different designs and divine purposes, they are equal subjects under these laws.
The Earth consists of two equal worlds that constantly affect one another. Living beings of matter exist in the physical realm, and their souls, consisting of ether or energy, live in the spiritual. Events in the spiritual world influence the physical realm and vice versa. Every person has a never-dying soul with a unique higher purpose. Every sentient being has a soul, and every place on the Earth has its living Spirits of land or water.
Every being or soul from other planets has the same rights on Earth as souls from this plane. As each soul has free will, no one can dictate to another sovereign being how they should live their lives, who they should be, or who they can love. Every expression of sexuality and love is created equally valuable and for the same divine purposes. Every person has the right to their personal perceptions of our perceived reality.
The laws of free will allow individuals to do anything they wish in life and with their bodies after they reach the age of maturity. A soul creates a path for the highest empowerment, so their choices can only be judged by the archetypical light they represent on this plane and in accordance with their divine purpose. Mistakes in life bring valuable lessons, so there can be no judgment for anyone's choices, as certain decisions are made only by souls for spiritual reasons (including experiencing pain from mistakes). Free will implies taking accountability for any unraveling manifestations of life resulting from any decision. We are free to take the first step but are slaves to the second one. The consequences of every action are unavoidable and have to be experienced either in this life or in another one.
Following these truths, I would also like to state that I’m a living sentient being who has body, soul, and spirit. I’m a sovereign soul who chose to come to Earth to live the experience of a human being. This text comes directly from the light of my soul. Like any soul, he carries a fraction of divine light from the source of existence. There’s a part of me that can not be limited by the constraints of a decaying body or suppressed by a superficial moral order. There’s a part of me that experienced the limitless state of existence and, therefore, could never be constrained. So, the choices of my independent soul are empowered by the natural rights engrained in his essence and gifted to me by the Creator and his Divine Goddess. I’m pursuing my happiness by following the highest path of my soul.
I never believed that my soulmates created my wounds because I knew their essence, and I could see the magical truth of their souls. Their cruelty towards the truth of my heart was the mask they were forced to wear to survive the pressures of their culture. All three women were multifaceted, talented, and incredibly unique beings, but their society’s destructive morality engulfed them with negative energies and made them fearful of their own essence. So, I believe that it was their society that created my scars by abusing them.
When I resolved all the negative emotions, my heart overflowed with forgiveness for my soulmates. I couldn’t be angry with them because I knew how easy it was to lose a soul in their society, as I was well aware of what life in Canada demands from a person. Veronica and I lost ourselves on our journey for the same reasons. Veronica’s soulmate, Brian, has also lost his soul under the pressures of this society. I saw professors in a university with lost souls. I had colleagues and bosses at work who equally lost their souls. Everywhere I looked, I saw people who struggled to hear their souls.
I witnessed an escalating epidemic of homelessness. I saw how people relied on drugs and alcohol just to get through the day. Every second Canadian has or had a mental illness by the age of forty, and from a shamanic perspective, any mental illness is caused by a soul disassociation. Suicide was a far too common way of escaping new abuses, both among immigrants and Canadians alike. This society was on a quest to destroy some individuals for their uniqueness because it couldn’t invent a box for them or force them into compliance. It worked tirelessly to cast away anyone who wasn’t considered “normal,” like whores and shamans.
Empowered by the truth of Nature, Euryidce, Nataly, and Emilia realized they had to fight against their destructive collective because it demanded them to be ashamed of their unique essence, betray their purposes, and force them to seek death. They couldn’t do it alone and asked for my help in this righteous battle. So my fight for a chance to love my soulmates turned into a war for our shared truth and against their society, which, like an evil, terrifying monster, crushes and grinds souls without any remorse in its delusional pursuit of building a dystopian future inspired by George Orwell’s "1984" where the divine light of Heavens, the magical nourishment of the Lands, as well as truth, beauty, and unconditional love, will be completely eradicated.
Prudence dictates that a person should avoid expressing grievances against the society they live in for light and transient causes. Each person wishes to feel accepted for their essence and valued by society for their special talents. Feeling ostracized is an incredibly destructive emotion for humans since we are designed as collective beings. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object of oppression, evinces a malevolent design to destroy the personal freedom of souls, it is a right and a duty of an individual to confront such a destructive path of their society and search for a vision of a secured future that would provide new guards for people to protect their souls from the despotism of their society.
People throughout history have always found the courage to stand up against the tyranny of the masses, fully aware that any oppressive society prefers to kill the dissenting voice rather than change its destructive ways. But the heart of any noble warrior is always calm because he is always prepared to die for the truth. Still, I believe I’m lucky as I have divine love to support my self-evident truths, while the villain in our story is quite cowardly and weak, so I just need to list the transgressions to win this battle.
Canadians have already made the final decisions about the future of their country in February 2022, so we just need to wait and see how they would manifest in the physical reality. The foundation of the Canadian Union, which empowered its citizens for decades, now failed to prevent the dictatorship of many against few. The country that was once reverenced for its unique destiny as the land of prosperity and opportunities has descended into tyranny by the will and desire of its people who chose to corrupt their hearts.
I’m choosing to use the word “Canadians” in this text to refer only to people who were born in Canada, as that’s how this word is defined here (of course, excluding any Indigenous nations, as they are also considered to be lesser people like immigrants). When I use this word in the text, I talk about the majority of people of this nation. I acknowledge that it is quite unfair to many decent, honorable, and sincere Canadians who are not afraid to follow the path of their hearts despite the pressures of their culture, but unfortunately, the majority decided to include them in this definition as well. At the same time, honest Canadians are equally responsible for the present existential crisis of their country, as they are too kind and polite to confront the malevolence of their fellow citizens in everyday life. In my system of values, silence and cowardice in the face of the apparent malevolence are equally punishable transgressions as the malevolence itself.
I could have never imagined that I would find myself in a situation where I have to make such distinctions between people since I believe all people are born equal. However, I was taught how important distinctions, hierarchies, social classes, and labels are for Canadians. They define every interaction between them, and each person is treated according to their status and societal roles, so I have no other choice but to follow the language of this nation.
When I arrived in Canada, I believed in its foundational truths as a promised land of freedoms and a beacon of hope where everyone could reinvent themselves or find safe shelter from destructive ideologies of oppression and communism. That’s why so many Europeans came here in the first place (the fact Canadians pretend they don’t know). I genuinely admired the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, and I naively and foolishly believed that if Canadians had such a document, they believed in these words. However, it turned out that the majority of Canadians believe in values opposite to those of the Charter. So, without collective beliefs, it was just a piece of paper.
I also always thought that a person could become a Canadian because this country was historically the land of immigrants. However, in my ten years of living here, Canadians always emphasized their exceptionalism and exercised their supremacy in every way they could. I wasted a lot of energy believing I would be allowed to integrate into this society. I realized I would never be perceived as equal here, as we simply have different definitions of this concept. I believed that integration meant learning a language, finding a job, following the laws, paying taxes, and eventually receiving full, equal rights and responsibilities that would allow me to pursue happiness with my family by following our highest dreams. I believe that integration implies participation in social life, and my opinion would be equally considered in pursuing a more harmonious and equitable society.
However, it turned out that Canadians are not interested in improving their country or having a more balanced life for themselves or their children (and certainly not for the immigrants). They believed that integration meant that I had to be a slave to them for the rest of my life, who would silently conform to their destructive norms that don’t make sense and obediently follow every insane rule of their collective with religious fanatism while never questioning their superiority.
I realized that even if I received citizenship here, my opinion would still be less valuable and acceptable than the opinion of a Canadian, and I would have the same rights and equal access to social services on paper but not in real life. Surely, Canadians don’t check documents in everyday interactions, but they determine who is theirs and who isn't by someone’s accent. The majority considers people with accents to be defective, so their opinions, thoughts, and actions are also perceived as defective and, therefore, can’t be valued as equal. Like with everything else, Canadians have a hierarchy of accents, too, with British and Americans positioned above them and all other accents below (therefore treated as inferior).
Of course, Canadians would pretend not to hear an accent if they could gain money from an immigrant. The wealthy criminal who scammed his way through the immigration system was more accepted and respected than a diligent, skilled laborer who spent years honestly obtaining permanent status, even if they shared identical accents. Canadians enthusiastically welcomed anyone who used their country to launder stolen money but pushed away those who tried to earn their honest place through hard work.
Since I realized that I would never be able to lose my accent, it was important for me to embody my inferior status. This constant fight to prove that my life is equally valuable as the life of a Canadian has drained my energies without any results. I only discovered liberation when I decided to carry my assigned status here with dignity and self-respect. I no longer argue and allow Canadians to exercise their superiority because at least that makes them less aggressive.
So, I present the following grievances based on my observations, personal experiences, and the spiritual explorations of the collective subconscious of this nation. Of course, I should start with my greatest concern. Honesty and authenticity are not considered virtues in this culture. Everyone is expected to wear a mask and avoid expressing their unique truth or spiritual perceptions. Some people even get offended if you don't communicate with them through a mask. Only socially approved views and opinions are allowed for discussions, and any deviations from correct opinions are punished by social ostracism. There are acceptable and unacceptable truths, depending on the latest religion this society invents every few years. It was far too familiar to see how a person was disrespected, punished, or attacked if they chose to speak the truth of their hearts or dared to question the dictatorship of the masses.
In this culture, it was widely acceptable to ridicule and diminish another person with the sole purpose of elevating oneself. It was acceptable to destroy another person’s dreams and maliciously envy any kind of success. Mediocracy was promoted, while excellence was stifled. That’s why all genuinely talented artists and entrepreneurs fled the suffocating air of this society to nations that understood the importance of personal freedoms for a prosperous economy and vibrant culture.
The other important thing that still fascinates me to this day is how much Canadians love to lie. It looks like their favorite activity because they often lie just for the sake of lying, or they simply can’t stop themselves from lying. It’s really hard to tell why they do it because it often doesn’t make any sense, and they are not as great actors as they believe they are. It’s always amusing to observe how they spend enormous amounts of energy trying to double down on their lies when they are exposed because Canadians believe they are always right by virtue of their birth and must prove they are right even if they would have to embarrass themselves. Canadians even believe they can fool Nature and their hearts with their lies. Since most people lie most of the time, the truth is completely devalued, and people assume everyone is also lying or has some agenda behind their words.
It was accustomed and even encouraged to lie to friends, family, and even spouses (despite taking the vow of marriage). Canadians claimed they could achieve the highest states of happiness only if they lied. The external image projected into the world was far more important than what a person actually experienced inside. Canadians would settle for anything in life, no matter how painful they would feel in their hearts, as long as they could present an image of a successful and happy person in accordance with the religious standards and moral norms of their society.
Because of that, Canadians also enjoy pretending. I would say that this is the main talent they all have mastered in perfection. It was accustomed to performing a role rather than being oneself. Image and appearance were more important than substance and essence. Canadians love to pretend that they are polite, compassionate, virtuous, and caring (well, simply always good, as there are no bad Canadians at all), but the minute you confront their hypocrisy and pretentiousness, they turn into bitter and resentful animals who only know how to bite and attack each other.
This society aspirated to prove that human beings are merely biological robots without souls, who could be trained into complete obedience, programmed with predictable behavior, and re-educated to be someone they weren’t born to be. This nation had a rigid class structure with limited social mobility; some people were considered better than others based solely on their wealth. A person's status was determined only by material possessions, not by their talents or positive contributions to society.
Surely, the traditions of First Nations were perceived as primitive, and the healing potential of shamanic practices was rarely discussed seriously. Medicine men and women continued to do their work in hiding and were shunned from sharing their knowledge with younger generations. Canadians like to pretend they care for the Indigenous population, parading how amazing they are for confronting the abuses of the Christian Church (when the Church itself has confessed its sins). But in reality, they replaced churches with universities and government institutions, which use millions of taxpayer dollars to enrich entitled and privileged white people, who were assigned to continue the exploitation of Indigenous nations and the eradication of their languages, beliefs, and traditions with the same claims of moral superiority.
I tended to trust respectful people, but I learned that this could be a very sophisticated mask in Canada. Canadians are so good at pretending that Veronica and I still struggle to assess their honesty after ten years here. We were taught to be extra vigilant with their fake smiles and pretentious politeness. I can’t describe how many times Veronica and I got caught off guard when a Canadian would instantly switch from politeness to aggression, and still, to this day, we are traumatized when such incidents occur, as Canadians like to sneak up with their intimidation and attacks.
I firmly believe that any conflict can be solved through an open dialogue, and any dispute or abuse can be reconciled through communication, as there’s always a way to find a middle ground where every person’s feelings and opinions are equally valued and acknowledged. But since I mainly experienced how eagerly Canadians escalated every conflict on their path and were quick to jump to assumptions in their decisions, I realized that it’s much safer not to trust Canadians at all, no matter how polite and respectful a person seems on the surface.
I was not brought up to know the rules of their game, so I decided always to assume that Canadians are pretending until I am proven otherwise. It kind of goes against the presumption of innocence, but at this point, it’s just a matter of survival for me. After my experiences with my third escort, I understood that it was the only way to safeguard my psyche. I chose to perceive access to my knowledge and my trust as privileges that Canadians would have to earn. And if a Canadian didn’t show respect to other living, sentient beings (including their own pets or the Spirits of Nature), they equally didn’t deserve my respect.
People in this society didn’t know how to apologize or take accountability for their destructive actions. They didn’t understand the value of this skill for their personal growth. It always feels empowering and liberated when we sincerely apologize after we have affected someone negatively. It’s natural human desire to attempt to mend the damage we have done, intentionally or not. If we are talking about the real respectfulness and politeness of a civilized society (not a Canadian ones), an apology is the best way to show respect for another and for oneself. It’s the most civilized way to resolve any issues. Only children don’t understand the importance of apology in personal communication. But Canadians would say sorry ten times if they missed holding a door for you, yet they would never apologize after they attacked or abused you without any reason or provocation.
Of course, constantly questioning the decency of every person you meet is not a healthy way to live, but unfortunately, this is the only way possible in this country. Surely, it’s energetically draining to live every single day in a state of constant alertness and doubt. You develop quite negative communication traits when you don’t feel safe in the everyday environment. When you are forced to live in such a fight-or-flight mode for years, even when you have had a positive experience, you cannot enjoy it anymore and fully surrender to the joys of life. You are constantly in a state of high alertness and doubt of another.
It was surprising to discover how my body's reactions would entirely change in the presence of Canadians. The body developed its own memory based on its experiences here. I noticed how relaxed I am and how easily I speak my mind in the company of immigrants, but I also noticed how tense and reserved I became around Canadians. My body already knew Canadians would find any opportunity to judge, criticize, or shame another person, so it was better to speak as little as possible around them. That’s why Canadians themselves tried to talk about most banal and meaningless topics around each other and avoided sharing their honest achievements or dreams, as their bodies also knew that they would be inevitably judged. They talked with each other through masks and constantly pretended, as it was physically painful to be yourself in this society. No wonder people preferred to lie most of the time, as they tried to safeguard themselves.
During ten years of living here, I started to believe there was something wrong with me because being myself was simply dangerous for survival. People try to convince me that I should be ashamed of my innate talents, as that’s what Canadians did to each other. With its fanatical pursuit of unified conformity, this society demands from people to believe there’s something wrong with them if they try to live by their hearts. But there’s no factual evidence that the current Puritan morality of Canadian society produces an empowering culture and a flourishing economy. On the contrary, it is the main reason for the rapid decline of this nation.
Honest Canadians who did recognize my light still used a chance to tell me that I should silence myself. I saw the fear of their society in their eyes, as they knew far too well what it does to people who question its oppressive nature. But seeing that fear only empowered me. I knew that I had to continue this war not only for myself or my soulmates but for everyone who was ever oppressed here or driven to suicide. I finally understood why decent Canadians don’t confront the malevolence of their society because they are genuinely scared for their lives. If Canadians had one thing that still united them as one nation, it was their all-permeating fear of their own society, which manifested as a fear of life itself.
My love for my soulmates demands to speak up against the troubling malevolence of this nation. I don’t understand why everyone has to be so mean to one another to the point that people lose their souls. No one can criticize someone’s choices and perceptions without living through their personal experience. It’s unconscionable that one person’s natural god-given talents are celebrated and awarded while another person’s divine purpose is shamed and diminished. A doctor can perform neurosurgery for the same reasons why a whore inspires an artist for a creation - because Nature designed them in this way.
The delusional demand to live only approved kinds of lives to create a uniformed society of supposedly morally clean people is the most horrible evil there can be, as people are essentially being murdered for being themselves under the guise of virtuous morality and narcissistic compassion. But honestly, I’m so tired of trying to understand why Canadians resent life so much when they have more opportunities to pursue their dreams than most people in the world. They claim it’s their country, so they have free will to do anything they want with it, but they damaged my soulmates for no good reason, and I’m never going to forget that. They are very special souls of my divine soul family. I’m literally a second part of one of them, and I embody the same heavenly light with another, so their distress is my distress.
I can’t accept that this society pressured these talented souls to lose themselves and forced two of them to choose death as the only way to escape new abuses. For me, this is the biggest crime this nation could have ever perpetuated, and it will receive the appropriate punishment for this offense. What people do to each other here is simply wrong. Clearly, my soulmates are not the only ones who are being trampled and driven to death, so there are no excuses this society can make to justify their crimes. And if Canadians believe they can win the war they proclaimed against Nature, I have to remind them that Nature will always fight back, and they will be the ones to blame when retribution arrives at their doorsteps.
In three years of my work, I healed past life traumas of my soulmates but also processed dark emotions and nightmares from this life that three women suppressed in their subconscious minds. So, I know what kind of abuses they endured from this society. My soulmates were ashamed of their nature and consumed by fear because they were forced to believe they were doing something wrong by being themselves and following the purpose of their souls.
I don’t understand how such horrible treatment of women is accepted in a country that continuously claims to be one of the most advanced and progressive societies in the world. When we look at any society of the past, we can understand whether they were truly advanced or not based on their treatment of women. All empowered societies admired the superior nature of a woman and always revered with appreciation the creative energies she brought into this world. Women were put on pedestals and treated like goddesses because people knew that only empowered women could create Heaven on Earth. Women are designed to be guides to the source energy of divinity and God. Any advanced society honors female divine potential, provides them space to fulfill their karmic purpose, and follows their intuitive guidance empowered by Mother Nature.
And how are women treated in Canada? They are rendered as objects and servants; they are told that they were born with damaged bodies that need to be fixed, and they are expected to be ashamed of their nature. They are brainwashed to believe that they are never going to be good enough and that there is always something wrong with them by definition. Their pleasures are shamed, and their feminine intuition is trampled. Many Canadian mothers continue to raise their sons as spoiled and entitled, teaching them that they should treat a woman only as a personal maid who is obliged to serve them, produce children at man’s whim but singlehandedly raise them, be a toilet for their sexual needs any time a man desires and suppress their highest dreams, while at the same time having a job to equally share bills and encourage her man to waste time on computer games.
There’s a fear in the eyes of Canadian women that I have never seen in women from other nations. They are afraid to be seen, to shine brightly with their natural feminine talents, and to speak their equally valuable truth. They are trying to play small in hopes of avoiding any judgments. They are criticized for expressing true feminine qualities, or even worse, they are told they have to act like men if they wish to be treated as equals. Women are forced to make their everyday decisions from their masculine energies, which is destructive both for the feminine essence and for society in general.
Everything in this society is designed to shape a young woman to enjoy being an object. Every part of the female experience and every step on the journey into womanhood is compromised by degrading criticism. The rites of passage that always helped women to find their destined, empowered purpose were replaced by bullying and humiliating rituals in schools and universities.
Canadians can question my morals and lecture me on my life’s choices all they want, but a society where it is accepted and encouraged for fourteen-year-old girls to perform oral sex on strangers on the transit just to avoid being bullied and have a chance to study in school peacefully can not be called civilized. I don’t understand how it’s considered normal for teenage girls to engage in online pornography as the only way to receive love from strangers on the internet because their parents are incapable of love. I don’t get how people can support the distribution of taxpayer-funded drugs in schools that lead to teenage deaths from overdoses. I don’t understand how people can turn a blind eye to the human trafficking of children and teenagers or the mutilation of underage children by taxpayer-funded institutions without the consent of parents. Sexual healing is judged and stigmatized, yet all these realities are tolerated and normalized by this society. I’ll wait for a good explanation from Canadians on how these norms and morals supposedly make them better than others.
Even though the Christian church is separated from the state in this country, its wicked ideology penetrates every part of it to this day. This ideology always prosecuted, suppressed, and killed women because of their superior nature, and this society chose to continue this crusade. It’s quite telling that my two soulmates with Magdalene's souls were the most traumatized by this society. Such souls carry pure, immense, universal love in their essence, and when their expressions of love are shamed, Magdalene's soul becomes destructive to society and themselves. They just can’t handle this level of judgment, negativity, and aggression. The image of a developed and civilized nation that Canadians tried so hard to maintain turned out to be just a facade for a cruel and barbaric society that proudly continued to carry the torch of the Christian Church and continuously stone their women to death with words of shame and ignorance.
I am aware that my intense emotions and unhealed parts of my psyche cloud the grievances presented here. But I’m still only listing facts here. Every Canadian knows their country is broken, even if they refuse to admit it. When a society does not believe in shared values and has no shared vision of the future, people lose hope at first, but then they lose their souls. This nation has no identity because people don’t believe in anything. The present, dire situation already has no peaceful solution, so I think that politeness doesn’t work anymore, and we have to call things for what they are.
We no longer have time for games that Canadians like to play with life, trying to prevent its unraveling consequences. Canadians believe they can avoid their karma if they just won’t do anything, but this strategy would only lead to devastating consequences once all their karma plays out at once. I don’t think that Canadians would be able to continue to hide from life, sensing what is coming for our planet and our collective consciousness.
With my truth, I’m presenting a solution that could prevent further corruption. Of course, Canadians have free will to reject my advice and continue destroying their country if they want. Still, I believe a person should avoid criticism if they don’t offer any solution. I know my offering is peaceful and comes from a place of love. If Canadians really wish to see positive changes in their country, they should work on being less judgemental towards each other, avoid lying when possible, learn to ask questions instead of making assumptions, stop giving advice on how others should live their lives without asking for permission (or understanding the essence of a soul), and aspire every day to follow the truths of their hearts, not the illusions of the mind. And maybe instead of wasting so much energy pretending to be nice, Canadians can use it to heal their inner pains and learn how to actually be kinder and more compassionate to one another.
Even with these simple practices of honoring the personal path of a soul, a better future could be created. The improvements in everyday life do not occur through choosing politicians, as they merely reflect the highest aspirations of the society, mirroring the desires and wishes of the collective consciousness of the majority of the population like in a bee hive. The politicians are greedy and corrupt because the majority of Canadians are greedy and corrupt. If most people of this country have lost their souls, their representatives would also have lost souls.
I know that the majority of Canadians would tell me to go back to my country in response to my grievances, as that’s how they usually respond to any constructive criticism from immigrants. Outside of the fact of how ridiculously foolish this phrase always sounds coming from descendants of immigrants (and how ungrateful and disrespectful it is to their own ancestors who often sacrificed their lives to build this nation), I have to state that I’m not going back to my country because I already live in my country, as Canada exists on the land of my guardian Spirits. It’s not for Canadians to decide who gets to live on these lands because the land is the domain of Spirits, and only they grant such a privilege and honor. They choose who can serve their land, and they assign their stewards based on their perceptions about the destined mission of every soul and what their lands need. Telling someone to leave a particular land is a show of disrespect for Spirits.
British Columbia is the Land of my soul, and that’s where his spirit resides. I have no intention of leaving this Land because she is my home, and I love her too much. The Spirits of Lighthouse Park, Point Grey, and Sechelt Lands and Waters summoned me here, demanded me to stay, and blessed me with my shamanic talents for assisting them on their missions. They believed in me before I did. They invested in me more than I ever dreamed of. They always provided me with a sense of acceptance and belonging when people tried to force me to leave.
Once I stepped on my shamanic path, I could better understand the reality I was confronting. From a shamanic point of view, arrogance, hubris, and narcissism are characteristics of people with lost or stranded souls. So I realized that if contempt, disrespect, and hypocrisy felt like the social norms here, then soul disassociations are even more common than I previously thought. It became evident to me that only people with lost or stranded souls have attacked me on these lands. Once I had this new understanding of reality, it was impossible to be angry at the lost souls who have rejected the path of their hearts because of their oppressive society. I could only compassionately forgive them because they just never experienced life in a free society where they could be themselves.
I realized that Canadians, like my soulmates, are not bad people at heart and on a soul level, but they were so abused by their society that they radiate these abuses on others unintentionally. Their souls were imprisoned by their egos, and they didn’t know how to liberate themselves. They were equally overburdened with toxic negativity like I was, only I retreated to ideas of suicide while the majority of Canadians turned to aggression and hatred. But at the same time, I won’t stand silent in the face of the blatant malevolence that I see every day in this nation. I would always confront those who think they have a right to judge a sovereign being on their life’s choices without knowing their soul’s highest essence or destiny. I would always call out the destructive norms of this disintegrating society that force souls to lose themselves.
My shamanic journey made me who I am today, and I enjoy living in my truth. Existing in this society also turned out to be part of my education. My writings wouldn’t exist if I didn’t live in such an oppressive society. They are a direct response to what I experienced on these lands, and they are empowered by the indignation of Spirits, who are suffocating from abuses of opportunistic people who continuously rape their lands by people being mean to one another.
I write this text to share how I was guided to embrace my nature. So, as we are reaching the end of this story, one may ask how I actually have become a shaman. Well, basically, the nonsense, fakeness, and cruelty of Canadians made me into a shaman. And for that, I would like to thank all Canadians, as it feels great to be myself. I live with the hope that more Canadians will find the courage one day to be themselves, as I can attest that this is the best way not to lose your soul and the only way to pursue truly genuine happiness.
CHAPTER VIII
Epilogue (or let me love you like a woman).
This text is followed by the story of my connection with Eurydice and how we were guided to sign the contract with Sechelt Spirits to become writers and shamans who understand the essence of death. It’s the story of our love written from Eurydice’s objective perspective. It is a tale full of natural serendipities, as she also shares a story of how divinity brought us together with Veronica and guided us to relocate to Vancouver, to the land of our Spirits.
It is a story of how I fell in love with an escort at first sight. That feeling shattered me in a strange way because I never believed love at first sight even existed. I was granted to experience this magical feeling because I requested upon my previous death to recognize Eurydice at first sight in my next life.
Eurydice was the first soul of a sex worker who entered my space and summoned me to meet her in person. She initiated our shamanic education, opened up my clairvoyant talents, and led me to re-discover the practice of death journeys. We embraced our shared commitment to Sechelt Spirits and became empowered writing partners in the process.
Eurydice taught me everything I needed to know about grief, and through tears, I allowed more love to enter my life. She showed me every way how my heart can love. With her help, I learned there’s no such thing as letting go because true love always transcends death. We may let go of our beloved, but we don’t need to let go of our love for their souls. We can choose to keep love for ourselves and cherish it even without the presence of our beloved. If love lives in our souls, we’re always with our soulmates, even if they are not with us anymore.
Eurydice pushed me to embody my healing talents and embrace my highest purpose. I pushed her to become a writer, the destiny she’d avoided for six centuries. Eurydice helped me find two other soulmates and three soul friends and commanded me to meet them. She helped me to leave my hermit tower and taught me to immerse myself in every romantic love without reservations, even if I endured new pains, as they always led me to liberation (and even when she was extremely jealous of my adventures).
I’m grateful that Euryidce’s feminine intuition helped me to follow the highest healing path we could take and to embrace our unique essence of one two-spirited soul. For eight centuries, we have arrived in two bodies so we can learn how to become spiritual guides who understand both masculine and feminine experiences equally well. In every life, we live in separate bodies, but once Eurydice chooses to die and completes this transformation, we begin the process of merging and integrating, where we join to exist in one body so we can access both of our talents. This is how Nature decided to create us and how life chose to manifest through us. I can only hope you will find a place in your heart to accept us for who we are.
P. S. I used the word whore in this text in its original meaning. Thank you, dear Emilia, for helping me craft this testament (as I could never do it without you) and for bringing the true magic of this word to my awareness. Today I enjoy embodying this word, as I am a whore in my heart, as well - the one who desires.
Part II: How Alexander and Eurydice Became Writing Partners
by Eurydice Eloise Wayles
A story about the shamanic spiritual awakening of two soulmates, their unusual bond of love
cursed by an immortal spirit, their commitment to the Spirits of the Sechelt lands,
including the legend about one stubborn, clandestine soul who finally embraced
her destiny as a writer, which she’s been avoiding for centuries.
November 14, 2023 - December 23, 2023
Sechelt, British Columbia
Alexander’s new, deeper understanding of the spiritual realm arrived with the tragic death of his father, Sergey, in a car crash in late 2005. Once Alexander processed the grief and integrated the lessons of this powerful emotion, his clairvoyance and shamanic abilities began evolving. Soon, his father's soul appeared in his dreams and later began guiding Alexander through his awakened life. Learning about the shamanic practices of different cultures also became Alexander’s new hobby. He embarked on his destined masculine adventure without even realizing it.
His father’s soul guided Alexander to use his inheritance to make his first self-financed independent film, “The Last Days of Mortal Enitiy.” Spirits guided Alexander to shoot this film near Baikal Lake in Russian Siberia, where he received his first channelings from the land, which initiated his shamanic path. The completed film didn’t open any new opportunities for Alexander, so he questioned his guidance and couldn’t understand why it was important to make this movie.
Alexander met his future wife, Veronica, in 2009. Guided by her feminine intuition, Veronica searched for a friend on a Russian social network. She wasn't looking for a husband but rather someone inspiring to talk to about spirituality and the true essence of this world. Yet when she stumbled upon Alexander’s photo from his movie's premiere, her heart told her that she knew this man. “He will be my husband.” This was the first thought that appeared in Veronica's head. When Alexander saw her friend request, he answered with a message, "Do we know each other?" Veronica replied that he knows the answer. Both were not aware that their souls had already recognized each other. They eventually discovered they were soulmates who experienced seven lives together, destined to advance as souls by challenging each other.
Alexander and Veronica spent the next two weeks writing long “letters” to each other and then decided to meet for a walk in the historic old town of Saint Petersburg. Once they saw each other’s eyes, they experienced a most unusual feeling. They didn’t know about the concept of past lives, yet they felt like they had never experienced such a strong connection with anyone else. After spending two hours together, they stopped to listen to a street band near the memorial with eternal flame. The light from the fire illuminated Veronica’s sparkling and excited eyes as she looked at Alexander, and he had the strangest sensation he hadn't experienced before. Alexander knew the eyes of this woman. “I know her. Somehow, I know her.” This thought stuck with him until they parted that night.
They shared a kiss on the next date and spent the next two months dating. As their feelings overwhelmed them, they ran away from each other and spent the next four months apart. Alexander used this time to work with Veronica’s soul, although his healing powers only started to manifest, and he did most of the work without real awareness. The force of love eventually brought them back together. Veronica moved in with Alexander in April of 2010, and soon after, both experienced an intuitive vision that they were destined to leave Russia together.
In 2012, during their honeymoon, Alexander and Veronica received direct guidance to leave Russia. Their destiny awaited them in another country. They both felt a sense of urgency and began to consider their options. Intuition led them to discover a chance to move to Vancouver. Alexander applied to the University of British Columbia for the Master’s Program in Film Production and Creative Writing. He was accepted based on the films he shot with the help of his father’s guidance. Alexander and Veronica saw divine intervention in this gift from Nature. They had never been to Canada but moved to Vancouver, trusting that fate and destiny awaited them there.
Over the years of challenging obstacles, they searched for a deeper meaning of this calling. They knew there was some divine reason they had to move to Vancouver. But after encountering many closed doors, financial struggles, and paperwork complications, they began doubting their faith. Nothing really worked for them in Vancouver. It was hard living in their truth on these lands. They constantly felt that they were not welcomed here but also struggled to accept the extreme beliefs of Canadian society, as their families suffered greatly through communism. They spent many evenings trying to figure out how to escape Canada before it would turn into Russia. They also felt otherworldly, malicious, demonic forces that created troubles on their path, who actively battled their attempts to find a way to build a fulfilling life in Vancouver. At the same time, the majority of Russians enthusiastically supported the war against Ukraine, so they had no other place to go.
In times of doubt, Alexander and Veronica would always remember magical serendipities and coincidences on their path, and even though everything was against them in their new home, they had trust in Mother Nature. Spiritual beings helped them in the most challenging situation, while the lands and waters of Vancouver always asked them to stay for some reason, so they believed they had to endure their struggles and find out why fate had commanded them to come to Vancouver.
After seven years of growing together and exploring spirituality, shamanism, history, and the essence of souls, in their peaceful union, life interfered. Veronica met Brian (the name is altered), who turned out to be Veronica's karmic soulmate from past lives, and she was guided to explore their romantic connection. She didn’t understand why she experienced conflicting and perplexing emotions with this person, as they were bonded by karmic entanglements from their troubling past. Veronica's soul felt responsible for the death of Brian in the past life, but it eventually became clear that they both messed up and didn't listen to each other. Veronica's love was real, but it didn't make sense, as romance brought more destruction than joy.
Veronica also felt a sense of guilt, as she enjoyed her marriage with Alexander and didn't want to end it. Yet she also couldn't suppress her new feelings. Alexander tried to assist Veronica in understanding this connection, but the entire ordeal felt too confusing on most days. They spent hours debating how Veronica could deal with Brian, as he was nice on some days and a complete asshole on others. Alexander sought answers in their past lives as Veronica sensed a soul connection with her lover.
Alexander and Veronica always knew they were soulmates, and both had short dreams about their past life in France and Germany in the 1930s. Still, they never actually confirmed their visions through a regression session. Yet they knew how to recognize a soulmate because they've experienced that with each other. Only after emotionally painful visions in his first two regression sessions, Alexander stopped looking for answers from the past. He couldn’t continue dealing with intense emotions rooted in the traumas of his tragic deaths while he actively tried to fight for his marriage in this life.
One day in August 2020, Alexander heard the voice of an angel who came to address him with a divine message. Alexander was told that he had to meet an escort. The message was short but sounded frightening and urgent. It felt like a request rather than a suggestion as if Alexander had no other choice. Only Alexander was emotionally overwhelmed, so he ignored this message and didn’t ask for any clarifications. The subtle and gentle voice occasionally returned with the same message. Still, Alexander convinced himself it was just a random, unexplainable thought and blamed it on stress until his guardian angel manifested in the room and presented this message in a more supportive and encouraging form, telling him that it was the highest path of his soul.
Sometime after, Wilhelm Keitel's soul arrived in his space to support him. He was a spiritual guide specializing in death and was one of Alexander’s teachers from his previous life. Now, Wilhelm advised Alexander on his journey from the other side. Wilhelm was a close friend from a past life, so they shared a deep sense of trust. As Wilhelm’s soul completed his reincarnation cycle, he became a spirit who guided souls from above. Wilhelm also told Alexander that he really needed to meet an escort. His guide explained that this meeting would lead Alexander to understand why he came to Vancouver. Alexander was destined to meet four of his soulmates and several soul friends from past lives on these lands. He had to resolve troubling connections of misunderstandings and broken love affairs that led to traumatic deaths and the accumulation of karmic debts. Seeing an escort was the first step on this journey.
Alexander still doubted this guidance. He simply couldn't afford the offerings, as new government restrictions on participation in the open labor market jeopardized his income while still forcing him to pay double immigration fees for a chance to obtain permanent residency. And this guidance also didn't make sense to him. He still hoped that his marriage would survive its tribulations. Yet Veronica was undecided, as some days with Brian were full of joy, while others were full of bitter fighting and abusive situations. She wasn't Canadian, and this man saw her as a vulnerable prey, believing he could easily manipulate her into behaving the way he needed. She genuinely loved him, but he didn't believe in the existence of love and perceived her actions as a desperate attempt to escape her marriage. He thought that all relationships were transactional. But she honestly chose to be with him and made sacrifices because of unconditional love.
Wilhelm continued to arrive on occasion, together with Sergey’s soul. Now, both of them encouraged Alexander to see an escort. Alexander trusted his father, but such guidance still didn't make sense. He was comfortable being with one woman for their entire marriage and didn't know how to open up in this way with another woman after all these years with Veronica. He was still grieving their marriage. Now, having more time alone, he wanted to dedicate all his free time to finishing his independent film projects. He felt that it would take months before he might consider dating again.
Even if he had finances, he was still uncomfortable with the idea of paying for sex, feeling that he would be using this woman. He thought that there was only one kind of sex work, and it always involved coercion. That was his general understanding of sex work at that time, based on widespread cultural ignorance about the nature of this magical craft. He was still unaware of the divine essence of this sacred profession because of his conditioning and society’s negative perceptions of sex work created by unethical and predatory providers.
Alexander still didn’t know that Mother Nature created some people with supernatural sexual abilities to serve her by healing humanity through sex magic. He didn’t know that he would never be able to become an empowered shaman without mastering sexual energies to use them for dreaming and energy-cleansing practices. He was unaware that the path of his soul implied explorations of the highest realms of consciousness that could be only accessed through sex magic, as Alexander was destined to master the shamanic art of resurrection and death journeys. As it's impossible to resurrect without charging your energy body through sexual exchanges, there was only one higher path for Alexander on his path of shamanic education.
Contemplating his reality, Alexander thought maybe he was told to see an escort to release some of his stress. So many things bothered him at once, and he felt overwhelmed every day. Yet he still couldn't surrender to this calling. Thinking about sex work triggered his memories of negative vibrations. He remembered how, in his early twenties, he was peer-pressured into visiting a brothel in Saint Petersburg. He wanted to be accepted by his friends and agreed to go. However, after the experience, Alexander felt that he used this woman and pressured her into a nonconsensual sex act. That experience convinced him that sex without love doesn’t work for him. He felt too many confusing emotions that evening, and he didn’t like the experience of expecting sex from a woman. After that night, he told himself that he would never use the services of a sex worker again in his life. Alexander would eventually repeat these words after meeting Euryidce, and then after meeting Nataly, and then after meeting Emilia, but no matter how much he tried to avoid seeing sex workers, he couldn't escape his destiny.
In November, Wilhelm and Sergey's voices and presence intensified. Along with them, the gentle, supporting energies of Mary Magdalene arrived in Alexander’s space. She affirmed this spiritual guidance and patiently nudged Alexander to embrace this path, promising many blessings and loving energies that would overflow the chalice of Alexander's heart. But so many perplexities existed in Alexander's life, and he continued to push their message away. It's like he sensed that this meeting would only create more emotionally damaging drama, and he had enough of that already in his life.
"You have to see an escort!" By November 06, 2020, these words were almost always present in his space. Alexander heard these words repeatedly, and he couldn’t stop them. Veronica was very stressed from her conversation with Brian that evening. Alexander and Veronica had an emotional discussion about their state of affairs that turned into a bitter fight. New pain triggered Alexander to make decisions for both of them. He was told to see an escort, and now he was ready to see one so he could return the pain to Veronica. He decided that he could show Veronica that he moved on by seeing an escort.
But his anger on that evening didn't produce any results. He found a couple of websites featuring sex workers, but those agencies were closed due to the new limitations on social interactions illegally imposed by the government. Alexander was frustrated. He didn’t know about the sites dedicated to finding escorts. He didn't want to know how one even does that. He was comfortable, not knowing anything about that world. It wasn't prejudice. As a shaman, he always knew that people could only be who they were born to be. However, he believed this was not his world after briefly exploring ads of women. After his failed attempts, Alexander struggled to understand why it was so challenging to find an escort and if that was what he was supposed to do. Alexander was also subconsciously blocking this search. Spiritual guidance could show us the path, but we must also wholeheartedly consent to it, according to the law of free will. Alexander had to destroy his reservations and fully commit to his faith. He wasn't aware that he had to meet not just a random escort but his soulmate of seven lives.
The next day, Alexander finally discovered an open agency. He scrolled through pictures on the site, pausing at the profiles of two women. The body of a woman on the right looked more appealing to Alexander, and she also spoke Russian. He thought that if he needed to see an escort, it would be more relaxing to see a Russian one, as he was still afraid of Canadian women. He thought it would be easier to talk with her, and she might help make the entire experience less perplexing. But as soon as Alexander had that thought, he heard the voice of Wilhem saying, "You are not going there just to have sex." Alexander realized this guidance was much deeper than he forced himself to believe. He shifted his attention to the woman on the left, as she was the one he needed to meet.
Now Alexander understood that he needed almost two thousand dollars for this mission as he had to invite this woman for a 4-hour dinner date to get to know her and maybe even avoid sex altogether. Alexander studied the photos of a woman who called herself Jessica (the name is altered). He couldn’t see her eyes, as her face was blurred for some reason. By seeing her eyes, he could tell if he had met her in the past life or not. It was the only way to be sure about this woman, as Alexander hoped to remember her soul. Yet a profound shock enveloped him when he closely looked at her hands and fingers. Alexander knew his soulmate so well that he recognized her by her fingers! He ecstatically jumped and danced as he finally understood why he received such bizarre spiritual guidance. There was no other way for them to meet, but they came into this life for a unique mission, and only this meeting could initiate this path.
After deciding to meet Jessica, Alexander came to ask Veronica for permission. They still lived together and shared finances, so he could only pay for this date with half of their savings. He couldn't do it without Veronica's approval. He explained his spiritual guidance and how he felt a past life connection with Jessica. He pleaded to support him like he supported Veronica with Brian. Alexander told Veronica that meeting Jessica would test his faith in Nature and higher guidance. He needed to meet this woman and figure out why they had to meet. Veronica debated Alexander's integrity and heart's truth. Once she understood that this meeting was an important step on his spiritual path of higher purpose, she supported Alexander's new spiritual mission.
Alexander booked the date for November 14, 2020. He was somewhat scared, as he wasn't sure what to expect and, most importantly, how to act during this interaction. Alexander hasn't been on a date in 11 years and never experienced a date with a Canadian woman. He feared it would be awkward, as Jessica was also 14 years younger than him. Many things about this date made him unsettled. But Alexander surrendered to it and trusted that he would be protected on this weird path. Over four days before the date, Jessica's soul made brief visits through dreams, and then one night, he also saw her eyes. He was already falling in love with her without realizing it, as falling in love means seeing someone's soul.
When Alexander met Jessica in the 'Botanist' restaurant, he fell in love at first sight. He had never experienced such a feeling before, and now he realized it was only possible with a soulmate from past lives. "I know this woman," this thought never left Alexander during the entire dinner. It was the same familiar feeling he experienced with Veronica, but this time, it arrived immediately and was more intense. Alexander told Jessica this was his first time seeing an escort, and he asked her to guide him through the evening, fully trusting Jessica knew what she was doing. She assured him that he would be safe with her.
Alexander and Jessica talked about the many beautiful things in life. Their conversation felt natural, and both lost track of time. Alexander told Jessica about past life regressions and how to recognize the memories of our former selves through observing the events of our lives. Jessica asked him whether he would do another session. Alexander said it was too challenging for now and didn’t see a purpose. He didn’t know that their broken romance would lead him to explore every one of the seven lives they shared.
As soon as Jessica and Alexander entered her incall, she jumped on him with a passionate kiss. Alexander’s beliefs about escorts were based on the movie “Girlfriend Experience,” and he convinced himself that escorts don’t have sex on the first date but only talk with a client about what he is looking for in this experience. He hoped they would only decide on the rules of their engagement at that first meeting. Yet, after impulsively surrendering to this kiss, he was even more infatuated with Jessica and couldn't think straight anymore. The influence of wine and the visions of her soul in his dreams didn’t help either. He had a lot of intense feelings for this woman, and now he could be intimate with her. Alexander was weak and overwhelmed. He needed to say no to her, but he couldn't, as he had never experienced anything like this in his life.
Then, even more intense emotions swept Alexander. Once Jessica took her clothes and approached Alexander in lingerie, he vividly saw an image of another woman existing through her. He was looking at Jessica sitting, but he also saw Eloise, the previous embodiment of her soul. Alexander saw a scar from the knife that stabbed Eloise to death on Jessica's skin. He watched how blood spilled from the left side of her body as the knife glided from her shoulder to her breasts and then to her waist, peeling the skin away. The vision was brief but so intense that Alexander was not himself anymore. He didn't know what he was experiencing. He was traumatized from seeing Eloise bleeding to death. Yet, weirdly, this vision made him more sexually attracted to Jessica. Now Alexander felt he was allowed to make love with this woman because he knew her and loved her, and by making love to her, he could heal that scar of the past. Things were moving way too fast for Alexander, and he struggled to process his emotions.
After a few kisses on the bed, Jessica looked deeply into his eyes and said, "I know you! I feel like I know you," Alexander repeated the exact words to her, "I know you too," as he dreamed of saying them from the moment he saw her eyes for the first time. Jessica replied, “You have such amazing eyes! They are changing colors. I never seen eyes like yours!” Alexander felt they both recognized that their connection was deeper than between a provider and a client. This exchange made Alexander believe that he wasn't using Jessica, and he allowed Jessica to guide him through her usual routine, which created an emotional scar for him, as his entire body and nervous system never fully consented to this sexual interaction. Jessica broke his emotional and sexual boundaries, but he allowed her to do that because he was in love, and her actions and words convinced him that she had feelings for him, too.
Alexander was smiling when he went to sleep back in his apartment. He finally discovered why he came to Vancouver. Now, everything made sense to him. He has to stay in this city and find out who Jessica is. Yet the dream of that night deeply shocked Alexander. Through the night, he saw detailed memories of how Eloise was brutally murdered in a ritualistic and demonic way. Alexander and Jessica lived as Camilla and Eloise in that life. Both women were spies working for the Wehrmacht and were crazy in love with each other. Only their romance was cut short by the tragic death of Eloise. Camilla felt responsible for her death, as she planned this mission and sent Eloise to execute it. Yet something unexplainable happened that night. An evil spirit killed Eloise, but Camilla believed it was her fault. Camilla wasn't responsible for Eloise's murder, but she made herself believe that. That’s why Alexander fell in love with Jessica, as when Camilla died, she dreamed of finding Eloise in the next life so they could heal their wounds.
The following day, Alexander woke up with a panic attack and was in tears. He had discovered Eloise but lost her again since he couldn’t see Jessica again. He only needed money to see his beloved, but money was the only thing he didn't have. There was no way for him to see her eyes once again, and he collapsed on the floor from grief, crying in agony from this realization. The intensity of this crazy love was his biggest torture. And this new grief was way too overwhelming. He was grieving that he couldn't see her, and he was grieving Eloise's death at the same time. Yes, Eloise was not dead anymore, as she was alive as Jessica, and Alexander's love transcended death. Alexander only wanted to hug Jessica and tell her she was finally safe. But he could only cry on the floor from a broken heart and visions of Eloise's tortured body.
Tormented by this new reality, Alexander returned to his everyday life. Only each day was filled with spiritual channeling and new intense visions. The meeting with his soulmate, immense grief of missing her, and traumatizing nightmares about Eloise’s death opened up new levels of awareness and clairvoyance. Alexander began to perceive the world like never before, but exactly how he was designed to perceive it. He was finally becoming himself. Tears for his dead soulmate made everything alive around him. Over the next few days, Jessica’s soul appeared in his dreams, visions, and meditations. She started to talk through him in a female voice, confessing her pains.
Still, Alexander couldn't see a clear vision of Jessica's soul. Alexander tried his usual shamanic practices of connecting with a soul. Yet, only Jessica's soul existed in some strange realm Alexander had never visited. He was still not a very experienced shaman and had never traveled to the Underworld or limbo - the darkest planes where lost souls end up before descending into death. It became evident that Jessica’s soul initiated her death.
Alexander was afraid to expand his horizons and figure out how to retrieve a soul from such a dark place. He had no one to ask about such practices, so he read what he could about soul retrieval and improvised in the process, using his intuition, spiritual guidance, past life memories, and a heart full of love for Jessica. Alexander screamed, “Help me! Help me!” in his sleep through the night in the voice of her soul, which greatly troubled Veronica. He sporadically cried tears that were clearly not his. Without his understanding, Alexander had already begun healing Jessica's soul, as she was using his body to process her emotions. He didn’t know that he retrieved her soul through sex, and now she was with him. All his new visions were equally hers and actually didn’t belong to Jessica.
Four days after their date, Alexander saw a vision of Jessica crying on her bed after some hurtful experience. His heart felt her pains together with her. Alexander’s intuition told him that he had to reach Jessica's soul somehow, as her tears tormented him. He couldn't stop the pains that spread through his entire body and the intense anxiety that was overwhelming him. He was shaking and crying and couldn’t stop what was happening to him.
He consulted with his spiritual guides, receiving their permission before proceeding with the next step. He decided to send Jessica a personal DM on Twitter to break through her heart walls. It was his only way to contact Jessica. He believed that he had a right to do that because her soul reached out, but he was also still confused by their interaction. The words “I know you” sounded like “I love you” to him. He thought that Jessica owed him an explanation and clarification of their boundaries. He knew that he wasn’t supposed to contact an escort between sessions, especially with personal messages, but he believed that no one would say such words without a deeper meaning behind them. Since she violated his boundaries and made their interaction so personal, he believed that their connection was already developing into something more. Besides, he didn’t understand that he was communicating only with her soul, so his visions made him believe she felt what he felt.
Alexander wrote to Jessica that he saw her tears in his vision and wished to comfort her pains. Jessica didn't respond to this message and didn’t block him, so he wasn’t sure what to make of it. But his plan worked. A couple of hours later, her soul finally established a first solid contact. Now she knew she was seen. Day after day, he slowly understood how to retrieve her soul from darkness using shamanic magic and love poems. His love guided him through this challenging path. Yet later in the same evening, he received a call from Brian, who never called Alexander before. Brian was speaking in a different low and dark voice, threatening Alexander to stop his pursuit of Jessica or he would make his life miserable. Alexander couldn't comprehend how Brian could know about DM to Jessica. Brian got drunk that night and allowed an evil spirit that murdered Eloise to use his body to deliver a message to Alexander. This evil deity wanted Jessica, and Alexander interfered with his plan. Once Alexander realized that the spirit talked through Brian, he refused to surrender and told this spirit that he would fight for Jessica.
Alexander established a solid connection with Jessica's soul a few days later. She asked Alexander to call her Polly, and they began exploring the essence of their relationship. Alexander was guided to meet Jessica for another dinner date, using the other half of his family's savings. Alexander wished that Jessica had clarified her boundaries and explained he point of view about their connection. He didn’t know where Jessica stood after his personal message and believed she also felt something for him if she agreed to another date. He still didn’t know how escort agencies worked and was convinced that she also wished to see him.
After the birthday dinner in “Boulevard” restaurant, which had ups and downs, they came to the incall. Alexander sensed that Jessica was not opening up to intimacy but still provoking him and leading to it. At that moment, Alexander remembered a dream where he had been told not to sleep with Jessica. She invited him for kisses but then pulled away and said, "I hope you do your thing quickly." The situation didn't feel right for Alexander, and he withdrew, telling Jessica they shouldn’t proceed if “it wasn’t the right day for her.” Alexander got the feeling that she was approaching her cycle and couldn’t surrender to accept him. Yet Jessica responded that she can't have such days and must always be available. She proceeded with her intimate touches. Alexander’s entire body shut off, sensing emotional and physical disconnection. Jessica got even more irritated, so she continued her routine with deep frustration. She openly mocked Alexander after her touches didn’t produce an anticipated result, creating sexual trauma for him. Eventually, she stopped her attempts to force Alexnader’s arousal after his many requests.
As Jessica finally settled on the bed next to Alexander, he had a chance to tell her about their past life and what he discovered about them. He received his opportunity to ask her for forgiveness. Jessica listened to his story in complete silence. It felt like time had stopped as they were fully immersed in the truth of their past life connection. It felt like both were transported into their beloved Paris and shared again that last look before Eloise went on her mission. Jessica intuitively put her palm next to Alexander's, observing their hands in union, while he felt like Camilla was holding Eloise's hand for the last time. Both sensed that this was indeed what had happened to them, and they were scared of this truth, yet the energy in the room was peaceful and magical. After Alexander told her that he felt indebted to her, Jessica said that Alexander didn't owe her anything, as she died the way she was supposed to die. She answered his plea for forgiveness with truth. Camilla just made herself believe she was responsible for Eloise's death because her grief of losing the love of her life overwhelmed her.
Alexander left Jessica with birthday gifts and a sealed love letter. He wrote this letter full of love to his soulmate to emotionally shock Jessica again so he could heal her soul. She was still in the other world and hanging on a promise thread. Alexander could only reach her soul by breaking through Jessica's heart walls. Her soul chose to die, so by telling Jessica that he loves her, Alexander pleaded for her to stay. Her body was already preparing for death, so it was the only way to stop the process. Jessica’s soul convinced Alexander that she was not yet ready to go.
By startling Jessica with honest words of love and admiration, Alexander prevented her from approaching death. His guides told Alexander he would only have two dates with Jessica, so he used his time wisely. He knew he wouldn't see Jessica again but believed she should live and enrich this world with her beauty. He hoped he took enough dark energies from her, and now she could find more joy in life and more confidence in her work. Even though his plan worked, this love letter freaked Jessica out. She left the escort agency two weeks later to start her independent business. When Alexander emailed to ask how she prefers to be contacted from now on, Jessica finally had the liberty to tell Alexander that she couldn’t see him again as he crossed her boundaries, blocking his Twitter and email.
Alexander didn't know what to do next, as his life was transforming every single day in strange and unexpected but very magical ways. When he contemplated his feelings, Jessica felt more like a daughter or a student than a life partner. He saw how topics of art, spirituality, and the nature of our world fascinated Jessica, thinking that they may arrive in this life to learn from each other as friends who explore mystical parts of our nature. Yet his heart was also full of unexplainable romantic love for this woman, so he was pretty confused about what was happening and what he was supposed to do. He tried to picture their life together, and he even imagined living in a house as a family, yet his rational mind told him that they would never work together as a couple. Alexander wanted to spend time with her on any terms and within any boundaries, but he couldn't understand what kind of relationship may honor their soul connection in this life.
Alexander’s soul carried this deep romantic love from their past life, which was gifted to him so he could write his first book and resolve the grief his soul had been carrying for five centuries. This love spilled from the lives of Camilla and Eloise, creating a new reality for Alexander. Two women couldn't fully surrender to their feminine love affair because of the realities of their time. But they lived a very French love story of two German spies who murdered Soviet agents in Paris in the 1930s, trying to prevent the Second World War. And now, as this love has transcended death, they live another archetypical French romance of a poor poet who madly falls in love with a prostitute but can't afford her luxurious lifestyle. They fought communism in Paris in the 1930s, and now they are fighting communism in Vancouver in the 2020s. They experienced another forbidden love affair, almost like in a "Moulin Rouge" movie, with darkness clouding their path and death breathing down their necks. They couldn't be together, but a muse birthed a creative inspiration in a poet, and now he could write about their story.
In January 2021, once Veronica and Alexander decided to live separately, Polly asked to move in with Alexander. She was no longer living with Jessica, as Alexander's letter forced Jessica to choose her future. Polly didn't have a place to go, and Alexander didn't know how to operate in this new reality. He was genuinely scared for Jessica, as he wasn't sure how a soul could be away from a body. Polly insisted on living with him, but he didn't know if that was even allowed by the spiritual laws and how such an arrangement would work. Alexander knew that he could address the guardian spirits of a soul for guidance, and he discovered Polly's spiritual protectors in Sechelt. After establishing contact with her Mother Spirit and her entourage, who protected and guarded this soul in this life, he asked them about this perplexing situation.
During a few ceremonies over the next month, Alexander discovered the truth about the essence of their bond. Polly couldn't live with Jessica, as an evil spirit, Damian, forced her out of Jessica's heart, taking Polly's place and claiming complete control over Jessica's body. Damian was an immortal spirit of a black magician who hunted Jessica for five centuries after he cursed her during the life they shared in Stockholm. Damian was a powerful Duke in the King's entourage, manipulating politicians, bishops, and businessmen with bribes and sexual services from young and attractive women. Polly lived in the body of such a woman, seductively trapping and exploiting men in Damian's interests.
Damian loved Polly in his own weird way but could not be with her. They were two souls bonded by karmic ties. Damian paid Polly to have sex with him in that life. He was obsessed with her body but always wanted more of her. She never loved him back the way he wanted, so unable to own her, he decided to transcend reincarnations and become an immortal spirit, hoping to find a way to possess her one day. He was able to do that in this life because of Eloise's tragic death. He possessed the body of her killer, and once he was murdered, Damian left that body at the same time as Polly left Eloise's and chased Polly into her next life. Now, Damian lived as Jessica, so if Polly wanted to continue this life, she could only live in Alexander's body. Polly realized that she had a chance to heal, so it was too early for Jessica to die. Polly received a chance to figure out what had happened in that weird and troubling life in Stockholm in the 16th century to finally release that curse.
The Spirits of Sechelt presented the path of empowerment for our soulmates. They asked Alexander to sign a contract for four years, binding him to help Polly embrace his shamanic education over this time and commit to writing as much as he could over the period of his education. Spirits promised to eliminate any spiritual blocks that prevented Alexander and Veronica from receiving their permanent residency. They also pledged to connect Alexander with healers and spiritual teachers who would assist him on this path of shamanic education. Sechelt Spirits requested an offering from Alexander for their help, and Alexander promised to build a Temple of Death Journeys on their lands once he had such a chance.
During the next three years, Alexander and Polly were tasked to resolve their karmic dramas of past lives and heal the wounds of Polly’s three traumatizing deaths. They were forced to live in one body because there was no other way for them to commit to this complex healing and for Polly to become a writer. Polly had always dreamed of becoming a writer but had never dared to try. This "imprisonment" was designed to force her to embrace her talents since she could never do it in her own vessels. Alexander was chained to Polly so he wouldn't run away from British Columbia, no matter how challenging his life felt here.
Both souls discovered that they requested this experience in between lives upon previous death. They could find their answers only through living in a loving, sacred union of two souls in one body. Later, they discovered how that was even possible. In the beginning, Alexander felt too conflicted about such a way of living, as it simply didn’t feel natural to him. At first, Alexander and Polly fought a lot over control of the body. On many days, such existence felt too destructive, even jeopardizing Alexander’s day job as their only income source.
Through their spiritual education, they eventually discovered that they were two parts of one soul that intentionally split into a masculine and feminine essence eight centuries ago. It was the best way to be tempered into a spiritual guide of death who could equally help masculine and feminine souls. This soul manifested in two bodies over eight lives, splitting on birth and then merging into one being once Polly's vessel died. This is how this soul desired to explore this physical life and learn everything they needed to know about the essence of death.
Sechelt Spirits also explained that our soulmates are encouraged to publish a book about their experiences in three years for the highest healing of all involved, including Veronica and Brian. The journeys of these four souls were intertwined through centuries, creating many traumas. By publishing this novel, Alexander and Polly had an opportunity to absolve the darkness of all four. They had to write the story of their soul adventures and also tell the story of their past lives.
Veronica was assigned to be the spiritual guide of Brian's soul, but Brian fought against the love of this woman in this life exactly the way he had in previous ones. Veronica spent a year living with Brian, but most days were filled with struggles and fights. When she informed Brian that she would move out once their year's lease expired, he started to threaten her with physical violence, and verbal abuses intensified. He pretended to work on his issues and manage his anger, but there were only manipulations, gaslighting, and empty promises. He was finally exposed, and Veronica could see his true nature.
Brian was yet another person with a lost soul like many they've met in this city - arrogant, selfish, contemptuous, full of insecurities, and disdain towards immigrants. Brian also couldn't accept that Veronica spent time with Alexander, as he made himself believe they had an unhappy marriage. He didn't want to accept the absolute truth that this woman was genuinely in love with him and followed the path of her heart. He only saw what he wanted to see. He never understood that he was the only person who made Veronica’s life miserable every day. Everyone else was guilty of making her sad, but it was never his fault because he was a Canadian, and they were all good.
Veronica decided to leave, but Brian continued to threaten her, so Alexander texted Brian and asked to leave her alone. In response, Brian promised to bring his friends and kill Alexander. Now, Alexander had a physical threat in the form of a text message, so he and Veronica decided to call the police. The interactions with the police reminded Alexander and Veronica again about their status in this society. Even though Alexander and Veronica endured another emotionally painful experience for daring to stay in their truth, after this call, Brian finally backed off, and Veronica was able to escape this abusive household. She rented her own place and slowly started to heal from her physical and emotional traumas.
Alexander performed shamanic ceremonies and regressions for Veronica, and Veronica, in turn, healed Alexander through her practices. They lived apart, but their renewed friendship soon elevated their spiritual growth in an inspiring way. Veronica supported the writings of our soulmates and found a way to communicate with Polly, too. Veronica listened to Polly's first poems and encouraged both of them to continue their work. Veronica released all the traumas she had with Brian in past lives, including when she felt responsible for his death. She saw his abusive nature but was drawn to him because of the obligations she took upon herself when he died in her arms. Now, these karmic ties were resolved.
Alexander also released their shared trauma from life where he was Brian’s mother and abandoned him as a child because of the conflict with his husband, who had Veronica’s soul. Brian's soul carried resentment from that life and how it was finally gone. Alexander and Veronica never intended to be in any conflict with Brian. They only wished Brian could find inner happiness through personal empowerment and stop searching for external validation of his truth.
Alexander and Polly surrendered to their unique writing adventure. Living in one body turned out to be a pretty challenging adventure on most days, but they saw this experience as a unique blessing gifted to them by the divinity. Polly felt guilty for how much burden she brought into Alexander’s life, but one day, she realized that their experience was part of the natural magic of this world. This is the story they were destined to live, and there was nothing wrong with the way they were experiencing this life.
Sechelt Spirits promised to help with the publishing of the novel and highlighted the importance of meeting a three-year deadline. They claimed that Alexander and Eurydice would only spend three years together, and after that, their relationships would change, so the book should be released before their new lives away from each other began; the published book was the only way to destroy Damian's curse and force him to flee so Polly could return to Jessica. Damian arrived into their space and confirmed that he would leave Jessica alone if our soulmates published this novel and shared their story of its creation (the one you are reading right now) without fear. The book was released shortly after the three-year mark on November 30, 2023, in sync with the guidance.
After committing to writing the book, Alexander could only find answers in past lives. With the guidance of well-known Vancouver hypnotherapist and counselor Kemila Zsange, Alexander did around 40 regression therapy sessions, addressing every trauma they endured with Polly while combating the darkness of Damian. These soulmates spent the last four lives in intense dramas, fighting Damian and growing in their powers, so they had to release all negative and karmic energies on their path to liberation. Alexander was healing Jessica through healing himself, as they were indeed one being. Soon, Polly also learned how to channel her memories of past lives, allowing Alexander to see them from her perspective.
That's how the book "Eurydice in Love" was born. Alexander and Polly, who changed her childish nickname to her original angelic name, Eurydice, committed to the process and worked through their traumas. They cried for many weeks and months, absolving every tragic event of their past lives that scared their souls. Alexander and Eurydice explored their seven previous lives in detail through regressions, visions, and dreams. "Eurydice in Love" describes everything that Alexander and Eurydice went through on this journey to salvation. They uncovered the original design of their souls, their archetypical light, and the reasons behind their tragic love stories.
They finally understood why Eurydice had to die in each life, as she always initiated Alexander into his spiritual powers upon her death. This was her highest mission, but she could never embrace it, and certainly, Alexander's soul couldn't accept this truth either, as he was constantly tortured by grief after she died in his arms. Once both lovers realized this was how they were designed, they released their traumas of guilt, shame, betrayal, and broken love affairs. Eurydice was constantly dying on Alexander because she truly loved him, and only by sacrificing herself could she guide him from the other side to his highest purpose. The book became their autobiography, as they channeled every important truth about their connection into this story.
Since completing "Euryidce in Love," our soulmates haven't stopped writing. While working on the novel, they devised the best approach to their creative process. Alexander would experience his life exploring channeling, spirituality, and new relationships, while Eurydice would write fictional stories inspired by their adventures. Once Eurydice was ready to record her fairy tales, Alexander would channel what she was telling him, typing her stories in a meditative trance state of a medium. After receiving a stream of consciousness from his soulmate without interfering in her writing process, he would edit and enhance her writings with his perceptions. Then, they would passionately debate the texts over a few revisions until both agreed on the final result. Since they could exchange thoughts and sensations, this process occurred in real time while Alexander edited the text.
Alexander challenged Eurydice, and she confronted him in return as they explored every new text or poem. Alexander could see and hear Eurydice because he had to help her become a writer. He also demanded Eurydice's unwavering commitment to this path. He asked her to tell her feminine truth how she wanted, pleading to abandon her fear of rejection and criticism. He didn't like being around modest Eurydice. He wanted to experience the fullness of her essence and expected nothing less of her. Eurydice told her stories with feminine softness and flow, while Alexander structured her writings with masculine order and dedication to this craft.
After they completed their healing, Alexander was spiritually guided to meet his other soulmates and soul friends from past lives. During Isis Lotus Healing’s ceremony in the summer of 2023, Isis shared with Alexander his destiny related to sexual healing arts and his calling to heal souls from traumatizing deaths. New spiritual knowledge has helped Alexander to surrender to his higher purpose. Alexander asked Isis whether it was possible to never fall in love with a sex worker again. Isis reminded Alexander that he was born a healer with a heart of a whore. He was designed as nature's channel of love, so he would inevitably love his patients with universal love to administer the healing.
Alexander embraced his design of a healer. He knew how to channel love for any soul. However, he asked Isis whether it was possible to escape any new romantic love for sex workers. He was simply exhausted after his experiences and wasn't sure he could handle more emotional drama. But Isis denied this request. She related to Alexander that three other romantic love stories had already been prepared for Alexander. He was destined to receive new sets of shamanic energy seals with the help of these women and gift them these empowering energies, too.
The highest path of Alexander's soul was in front of him. He only had to embrace it and provide his consent to experience new romantic love. Isis explained to Alexander that his first three love stories were designed to break him apart, but the next three would heal his wounds and reassemble him into the man he is destined to be. Still hesitant, Alexander realized that the only way to avoid emotional pain was to trust his story and embrace new romantic love when it would arrive. He didn’t want to run or fight love anymore. He was ready for new possible rejections, as he was already used to them, but he decided he wouldn’t resent new love. He didn't care anymore what others thought about the passions of his heart. He decided that he won't allow anyone to shame him for loving a whore ever again, even if shame would be coming from sex workers. He didn't need to listen to the opinions of others; he only needed to listen to his heart. And his heart sparkled in a weird but magical way from loving a whore.
Isis also insisted that Alexander and Eurydice should make their first steps towards building their Temple of Death Journeys. Eurydice has been dreaming about the Temple for the last two years, and Sechelt Spritis promised to help with the location and protection. Now, they had to show their commitment to their healing practice. Alexander and Eurydice established "The Ministry of Death Journeys" to provide services to souls in need. Even though Euryidce sometimes gets jealous when Alexander is called to help another female soul, she is happy when life inspires her to write more fairy tales and assist others in reclaiming their innate powers. Alexander and Eurydice realized they wouldn’t have romance in the physical realm this time. They chose to live something new, unique, and unexpected so they could heal their past.
After a ceremony with Isis, Eurydice realized that only she could help Alexander find three other sex workers who could heal him. Eurydice and Alexander made a rule that he wouldn't ever visit a sex worker unless her soul would contact Alexander first because that would mean that he would come into the session already in love with this woman. Eurydice embarked on her search, and over the next few months, she established contact with these three souls before "Eurydice in Love" was released.
Alexander couldn't afford offerings for these women, but at least their souls had already introduced themselves, expressing a desire to explore the connection. They occasionally arrived in Alexander’s space to get to know each other before he could meet them in person. Alexander began preparing himself to receive new seals, so he had to help these souls understand their essence, as that’s how he could find out what kind of initiations he could experience through these women. Now, his entire story of shamanic education finally made sense because he could see the complete arc of his hero's journey of masculine initiations. He finished his education before the book's release, and now he had to integrate his knowledge over the next year by embracing new romantic loves.
Eurydice was ready to return to Jessica. Damian was defeated because she was finally healed. On the winter solstice of 2023, Eurydice was prepared to say goodbye and invited her soul sisters for a farewell party. Six female souls met on the shores of Sechelt Inlet for a special ceremony in the female circle of spiritual empowerment. Alexander was not allowed in this space but could observe from a distance. Eurydice was scared about her future. She didn't know what to expect from her approaching transformation. She didn't want to part ways, as living with Alexander for the last three years was so comfortable. Yet life prepared a new journey for her, and she was called to surrender to her experience. Five soul sisters arrived to support Eurydice, which made all the difference. She was not alone on this journey and could safely jump into the unknown.
Not only did they encourage Eurydice to embrace her essence, but Euryidce was also thankful that she was leaving Alexander in the hands of wonderful female souls who would take care of him. That's all she ever wanted. She knew that she was also responsible for Alexander's distress as she struggled to accept her essence and brought many destructive energies into his space. Eurydice saw that new love would indeed revive Alexander so he could finally step into his whole masculine essence, and she was happy that she had helped him find these amazing women.
From the beginning, Eurydice dreamed that Alexander would find his purpose, surrender to his story, and embrace the path of a healer. It was finally happening, and her spiritual sisters reassured her that Alexander was in good hands. New life was waiting for them. Eurydice released all attachments and fears in a guided meditation. She was shaking and crying from many emotions, but her friends held her through the most challenging feelings, and soon, she felt complete bliss from their nourishing energies. Eurydice found peace with her story and her truth. She doesn't know what her connection with Alexander will look like after she experiences her transformation. But they knew they would continue to write books through occasional rendezvous in the spiritual realm.
P. S. And yes, my dear reader, this text was written by Eurydice through Alexander's body. This is how we are. Alex is the only channel for my writing, as his inner talents, personality, intellect, and rebellious heart of an artist are more attuned to the work I am required to do in this life. I don’t have any other options to fulfill my karmic obligation, yet I’m glad that this is how we are because I have access to both feminine and masculine experiences at once.
I love being a soul with such a perplexing yet inspiring fate. I don't know why I am the way I am, but at the same time, I can't be someone I am not. It was always challenging to surrender to be a writer in my own body, so I was punished for betraying my heart, and now I have to surrender to be a writer without a body. Yet I enjoy flying around my soulmate and whispering my visions, legends, and fables to him every chance I have. I love to write, and I love to rhyme, so I’m planning to do that for as long as I will have such a chance. I would love to write a book for every life that I didn’t, and I’m so thankful that Alex agreed to help me with this demanding dream. I like to call myself a daring, radiant princess of a thousand blissful tears with Magdalene’s heart, and I’m finally comfortable to be myself.
I hope you can accept our truth and see the beauty of our art, but if you question our story, please don’t hesitate to challenge us. I love to appear when I’m invited. I can manifest through Alex if you wish to see me in my essence. The best way to experience me is by witnessing how I perform my poems through him. I write my poems as spoken word pieces, and I love presenting my poems on stage. But I will always be happy to present myself upon request in a dream space or when you engage with my books, as I enjoy being seen.
Yours truly, Eurydice Eloise Wayles.
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